Fed Up - Shouting DH

[notlongtogo82]

Should point out that I am currently 38 weeks pregnant so very hormonal and getting to the point of being fed up in general but have spent most of the last night in tears over this!

Dh shouts at me - a lot. He likes things done a certain way and has a very small tolerance for anyone who does anything differently to how he would do something.

He works shifts and is currently on nights this week. This isn't unusual but means during the day I pick up everything around the house including school drop off and pick up for DD(4), wfh still (1 week left) and all the day to day stuff, but I then can't do a lot of washing or tidying up as putting the washing machine/dishwasher on keeps him awake so the house looks like something has exploded in it.

We also have a regular food delivery which comes in the evening. Dh was asleep when it turned up last night. I used to lift the trays into the kitchen and empty them there, but being pregnant at the moment I can't lift them, and understandably the driver cannot carry them in for me. So when the food shop turned up last night, the driver put the trays by the door and I knelt down by them and started unloading the items i the hallway, with DD 'helping'.

Dh was woken up by the shop arriving, came down as I was about half way through the trays, pretty much moved me out of the way and carried the remaining trays into the kitchen, and then once the driver had left proceeded to shout at me for how stupid I had been and looked kneeling down on the floor emptying the trays, how I should have woken him up, made the driver wait and not started until he was up.

He was meant to be out last night playing sport and was only in because it was cancelled due to the weather at earlier that day - so when I challenged him on what he expected me to do if he wasn't there he didn't have an answer.

Later on he was still going on about it at this point I pretty much in tears, and the started picking on some other things that I had done wrong. I just got fed up, so stopped listening, as if I said ok yes won't do it next time he had a go at me, but if I tried to argue or defend myself as to why I did something that way he had a go at me.

when putting DD to bed last night she broke my heart and asked why daddy shouts at me so much!

At that point i needed some space so I went and sorted some washing out that I had managed to put on earlier, and then when I got into the living room, DH moaned that he had been waiting for me to watch our programme before work but now didn't have time!

Just so fed up of feeling like everything I do is wrong when all I try and do is everything for DH & DD and the new arrival!

@Fuckingcrustybread , InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream is 100% right. I understand the treat abused with with sensitivity and compassion, but what women like the OP do is subject innocent children who don't have a choice to stay, to abuse, violence, fear and instability. It's a catch 22 because we see the women as a victim which no doubt she/they are, but yet they are also making innocent children victims. You need to stop and think of the long term affects on children, InSpace clearly has been affected by their upbringing and is still in some way traumatised by it, so you need to have compassion for people like InSpace, because they were/are a victim of their mother's choice to stay. Women (and men) who experienced domestic household fear, abuse and shouting have every right to have their voice heard, and you have no right to silence InSpace. Mothers who stay create traumatised children who grow up such as InSpace, and her trauma is real. Mothers who stay are inflicting LIFELONG DAMAGE on their children.

Children need to be considered more than the mother.

@Fuckingcrustybread The mother/OP is a victim, but her innocent children are BIGGER victims than her! And more important than her. The OP needs to put her poor little daughter and unborn child first and get out.

proceeded to shout at me for how stupid I had been and looked kneeling down on the floor emptying the trays

He was shouting at you because he didn't like how you looked while you were kneeling down to do a domestic chore?

How long before he starts shouting at your DD because she has done something ordinary that he disapproves of?

Thankyou so much for your understanding CokeDrinker and billy1966

OP if you are still reading I am very sorry my messages must be very hard to read but they are accurate. Please get yourself and your children away from their abusive father

You’re in an abusive relationship and your child is witnessing it

He sounds nasty.
Men like that never listen, to what comes out of your mouth.
You might be better of sending him a message, that way he at least has to read it.
You might think this is weird but the agreeing technic if one given out by a group my sister attended for anger management, you repeat his words as if you agree, you then say but and say your bit. You keep doing this.
DH yes I should have woken you, but I was trying to let you sleep, I will fetch you next time.
I know you can't ask him what to do when he is not here, but it does meant he can't have a go at you.
Tv program.
Yes DH I should have just sat down and watched, but if you had got up and helped I would have finished in half the time.

What a knob! my DH is nightshift this week as well and is doing the housework , he won't let me lift anything heavy (I'm only 33 weeks).

I've got a heavy job and once I'm home he never let's me lift anything that's too heavy.

@Whythesadface

He sounds nasty. Men like that never listen, to what comes out of your mouth. You might be better of sending him a message, that way he at least has to read it. You might think this is weird but the agreeing technic if one given out by a group my sister attended for anger management, you repeat his words as if you agree, you then say but and say your bit. You keep doing this. DH yes I should have woken you, but I was trying to let you sleep, I will fetch you next time. I know you can't ask him what to do when he is not here, but it does meant he can't have a go at you. Tv program. Yes DH I should have just sat down and watched, but if you had got up and helped I would have finished in half the time.

This is all well and good if trying to placate someone in the moment but she shouldn't learn how to manage his anger long term, she needs to get out of this relationship and get her daughter out of this abusive home.