To be annoyed at people collecting things for free

[Thisismycon]

I’ve given away various things to help others. Nearly every time I give something away I get a message such as “I can collect tomorrow at x time” or “I’m on my way now” aibu to think especially if you’re getting something for free you could ask when’s okay for the person?

Sometimes I do say when i could collect, some of the listings say no holding etc so if I’m available soonest it may be preferable. I do always say please and thank you though (which is a massive bugbear of mine!)

I would just put everything outside in a box or on a table with a notice saying "free to anyone who wants it" and pop a post on social media to let people know it's there.

@cupsofcoffee

I would just put everything outside in a box or on a table with a notice saying "free to anyone who wants it" and pop a post on social media to let people know it's there.

I do this, some men dared laugh at my Robocop VHS.

Oh I only give the postcode to people inquiring about location.

There is a concern about giving your address out, then saying that certain times are not convenient, as it gives the impression you may be out at that time. The exact address is the very last thing I give to someone who really seems to be coming to collect.

@notacooldad - maybe dictatorial was not the right word (although I did qualify it by saying more dictatorial rather than very or too dictatorial) - what I was trying to say was that saying “I can collect at ...” presumes you will be getting the item, which is a bit rude.

@SmileyClare

Toffee I agree, that's weird. Does it even matter if people are collecting to sell? Good for them trying to make some money.

There is a slight undercurrent that the giver does want a return, despite declaring its free, there seems to be a price attached

They want the feel good factor of donating to those (they judge to be) in need and also want doffing of caps ...how dare they call the shots and state what time suits them the best? People more in need than me should know their place

Exactly.

@Thisismycon

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for people Collecting to fit in with the giver as well as when’s convenient for them. If someone just turns up at my house like the woman did today yes I think it’s not right. People have all sorts of reasons why they can’t cope with people turning up such as PTSD. If it’s okay for them to tell me what time they are turning up surely it’s okay for me to say I would rather them not come at that time. That doesn’t mean I’m expecting people to be external grateful or anything else that’s been implied in other’s posts about me.

But this incident wasn't even in your original post. You were annoyed that people said 'I can collect at x time' when you're GIVING away free things to 'help people out'. Reeks of saviourism.

I picture the recipient being so focused on not losing out on the freebie that they charge full speed ahead, trying to get to it at the first opportunity.

That said, yes I think it's rude.

I see your point but they are asking you and it's a bit more proactive to say "I can do [time]. Is that convenient for you?" thank ask an open ended question and maybe neither party minds.

I wouldn't be bothered. I had someone collect a birthing ball for free and then had a message saying thanks but moaning it was smaller and not as inflated as they expected. That was unreasonable

I use facebook marketplace, freegle and donate to the charity shops. I find facebook the worst by a mile for flakiness. Particularly if the item is free.

I ebay almost anything of any value because until recently I didnt get non-paying buyers. Again facebook brings out the worst in people about actually collecting the bloody item. I block anyone who messes me about at all. Then I snort when I see clearly that they are messing other people about. But no-one will say anything.

I dont take a lot to the tip so my clearing out strategy seems to work, but it does take time.

Goodness, I'm just grateful if people turn up on time and take the thing they said they wanted. Are you new to this, OP? think of it as them doing YOU a favour, because mostly they are. I've given away stuff that I would have had to pay for disposal of.

What I find worse is people who expect me to deliver something that I'm giving away. Especially when they live in the same village!

That's right. I give them my postcode, then give them my house number when we've agreed that they are coming.

Only one person needed my address spelled out to them. So I did. Including the county we live in.

Sakes.

I'm with you OP. I would not be happy if someone turned up unannounced.

A man came to my door once an hour earlier than arranged when I had been expecting his wife. I hadn't sorted through all the baby clothes so wasn't ready and must have looked a bit hassled. He could not have been more apologetic about it.

The whole gifting on system is such a positive thing and it's horrible when rude, ungrateful grabby people ruin the experience. I've had so many lovely interactions with parents either giving or receiving children's items.

But a few ill-mannered tools can take the shine off the whole thing for me. I've noticed one of the women on a local page always demands everything. I shudder to think what the inside of her house looks like.

Another woman posts demands constantly and takes passive aggressive swipes at people letting her down. She named and shamed me once for not delivering items 'as agreed' and called me a time waster. She did this publicly on the page despite us having been communicating on private messenger. I DM'd her and said I didn't appreciate it, we had settled on a day but never confirmed a time. I had been doing her a favour and was happy to do so but since we'd been in touch I'd had a reaction to my chemo and been taken to hospital through a&e. She read the message and ignored. Rude, nasty individual.