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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at people collecting things for free

90 replies

Thisismycon · 18/05/2021 10:06

I’ve given away various things to help others. Nearly every time I give something away I get a message such as “I can collect tomorrow at x time” or “I’m on my way now” aibu to think especially if you’re getting something for free you could ask when’s okay for the person?

OP posts:

Aloethere · 18/05/2021 13:54

@Thisismycon

I’ve just had a woman turn up that didn’t even confirm she definitely wanted the item. I have anxiety just people turning up when I’m not aware panics me. I do usually put outside if I have warning a persons coming.

Don't give your address out until they confirm a date and time that suits you or even say that's great I will send you my address on tuesday morning before you collect.

swiftt · 18/05/2021 13:59

I leave stuff outside and say first come, first serve. Then I go out, come home and the crap is gone.

tentosix · 18/05/2021 14:04

village page is always very polite. 'Could i be considered, please' is the norm. Collection is arranged via PM

justasking111 · 18/05/2021 14:06

Where we live if you leave it on the verge outside it disappears, sometimes folk knock on the door to check first.

user1471538283 · 18/05/2021 14:09

We have got rid of so much stuff and usually people have been polite but oh my the state some people got in with a belfast sink! I get that they are lovely and expensive but this had been in the garden for a couple years. The first person to respond and to come got it.

We also had some bloke tell us we were lying as a speaker had already gone. He had travelled quite a long way. But he hadn't said he wanted it ...

Gliblet · 18/05/2021 14:12

We have a very active crapwomble community and can leave anything on our driveway if we want it to disappear. On the occasions I do put stuff on Freegle or similar I'm actually fine with people saying 'I could collect at x time' because it cuts a few messages out of the 'do you want it/are you free/I'm not free then' dance.

The ones that drive me batshit are the ones who arrange to collect and then disappear never to be heard from again.

DPotter · 18/05/2021 14:14

On Freegle, we're asked to wait 24hrs before saying who can have the whatever, to give more people a chance to see the postings.

I love freegle!

OccaChocca · 18/05/2021 14:20

I give stuff away on Freecycle. In the ad I ask people to let me know when they are able to collect.

It's much easier if you know that someone could collect after 4pm today or any time tomorrow rather than backwards and forwards.

You are being precious.

notacooldad · 18/05/2021 14:21

I think that "Can I collect at...?" and "I can collect at..." are very different in tone, though, @LadyWhistledownsQuill - the first is a question, but the second seems more dictatorial
I don't see the second as being dictatorial at all. Its being precise and is an opening to working out the best time for both parties.
" I can collect at 4"
" Thats not great for me. Does 5pm work?
Nothing to get your knickers in a twist over.

notacooldad · 18/05/2021 14:23

On Freegle, we're asked to wait 24hrs before saying who can have the whatever, to give more people a chance to see the postings
So how do you decide who is the most deserving?

HarebrightCedarmoon · 18/05/2021 14:44

@notacooldad

On Freegle, we're asked to wait 24hrs before saying who can have the whatever, to give more people a chance to see the postings So how do you decide who is the most deserving?

Hmm yes, that reminds me why I prefer local Facebook groups to Freegle.

Do not list on general Marketplace on FB though, so many timewasters wanting to collect but obviously too far away. And people asking me to post things! Local groups are ok though, you get one or two people who mess you about but most of them are a friend of a friend - so there is a less anonymity, which helps.

Local charities will collect some things though, I ended up donating some IKEA living room furniture to a charity that works with the local housing association to furnish homes.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 18/05/2021 14:55

I have one woman that also asks for nearly everything I post meaning others done get a chance but as it’s first to comment she has to have the items

On Freecycle and I think some other platforms, it's fine to say you won't do anything till tomorrow, to give everyone who wants it a chance to contact you.

ToffeeNotCoffee · 18/05/2021 15:02

'On Freegle, we're asked to wait 24hrs before saying who can have the whatever, to give more people a chance to see the postings
So how do you decide who is the most deserving?'

I'm not comfortable with this. I realise it's a Freegle site policy but outside of weeding out the timewasters and collect-to-sell cheeky fuckers what does, 'deserving' mean ?

I do first come first served because I want it gone. I don't kiss it goodbye and whisper, 'god speed' to it.

If I get messed around, I ask some one who is further down the first come first served pile.

I'm not, 'Lady Bountiful' when giving things away for free.

bumblenbean · 18/05/2021 15:26

Argh there are so many frustrating things when selling or giving away on these sites. Mine are -

People who just don’t read the basics e.g exact location which I clearly state it in the ad - and then after various back and forth messages they say oh hang on you’re too far, forget it

People who ask you to deliver stuff you’re giving away for free (I’m talking decent quality clothes etc) despite again clearly stating I can’t deliver - I think if you’re getting some decent stuff for free you could make the effort to drive 5/10 mins to get it (not talking about people without a car or who generally can’t, but those who just can’t be arsed and want you to inconvenience yourself instead)

Lack of any basic politeness at all - I don’t expect effusive thanks by any means but I’m afraid if I get loads of messages I tend to go with the one who at least says ‘hi’ or ‘please’ or something rather than just ‘is this available? When can I collect?’ Etc. If you’re getting something free I don’t think basic courtesy is too much to ask...

SmileyClare · 18/05/2021 15:31

Toffee I agree, that's weird. Does it even matter if people are collecting to sell? Good for them trying to make some money.

There is a slight undercurrent that the giver does want a return, despite declaring its free, there seems to be a price attached

They want the feel good factor of donating to those (they judge to be) in need and also want doffing of caps ...how dare they call the shots and state what time suits them the best? People more in need than me should know their place

SmileyClare · 18/05/2021 15:33

That wasn't addressed to you bumble those are all valid requests!

Original poster

Thisismycon · 18/05/2021 15:47

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for people
Collecting to fit in with the giver as well as when’s convenient for them. If someone just turns up at my house like the woman did today yes I think it’s not right. People have all sorts of reasons why they can’t cope with people turning up such as PTSD. If it’s okay for them to tell me what time they are turning up surely it’s okay for me to say I would rather them not come at that time. That doesn’t mean I’m expecting people to be external grateful or anything else that’s been implied in other’s posts about me.

OP posts:

BillyTodd · 18/05/2021 15:47

If you want to make sure these things go to needy people/do some good in the world rather than just go to cheeky fuckers, why not donate it to a suitable charity?

Original poster

Thisismycon · 18/05/2021 15:48

Charity shops near me are very overwhelmed at the moment hence of giving things a way on kindness page near me.

OP posts:

BillyTodd · 18/05/2021 15:49

(I use facebook marketplace quite a bit and am happy when people say "I could collect at X time", saves me the faff and gets straight to the point. If I'm giving something away I want minimum hassle, not a politeness contest

BillyTodd · 18/05/2021 15:50

@Thisismycon

Charity shops near me are very overwhelmed at the moment hence of giving things a way on kindness page near me.

I agree and I do see your point. But do you feel it's not going to the right people?

CRbear · 18/05/2021 15:52

I like being told when they can come! I can’t stand “is this available” - at least if they tell you they can collect they seem marginally more serious

Original poster

Thisismycon · 18/05/2021 16:09

No I don’t really mind who gets it. The only person that bothers me is the woman that comes along and take every item in a post.

OP posts:

SmileyClare · 18/05/2021 16:14

I appreciate you don't want strangers banging on your door Willy nilly Op. I'm not sure how a kindness page works but could you put "collect by appointment only" and only give your full address once agreed? Then leave the item outside?

If you have a fair amount of footfall outside your house, you could leave a few items out front with a Help Yourself sign. A lot of people in our area were doing that last summer where I am. Admittedly, the weather's pretty bad at the moment though!

Original poster

Thisismycon · 18/05/2021 16:41

Well this woman said where is collection so I told her my address as we live on the outskirts which can be hard to access for some people so I give them the full address to help them decide if they want it or not. She read that message but then didn’t say anything else so to be honest I assumed she may have changed her mind

OP posts:

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