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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send graduation gifts

81 replies

Wrenna · 17/05/2021 22:06

Family friends have twins graduating this year and have sent out graduation announcements (Not invitations to a party). Our own son graduated last year but with Covid he couldn’t have a party so I didn’t send out announcements so no one would feel pressured to send him a gift. These friends definitely knew our son was graduating last year but he didn’t receive even a congratulations card from them - which is fine. However now that we received these announcements I’m thinking they are expecting a gift. Can I just send them a congratulations card and not gift or am I just being miserable?

OP posts:
Neolara · 17/05/2021 22:09

I have never heard of the idea of a graduate gift. Maybe from a parent or grandparent but it would never occur to me that anyone else should send my DCs gifts for passing their degrees.

Accidentallydeletedoopsss · 17/05/2021 22:09

I’d send a card and that’s it. I didn’t even know it was a ‘thing’ to get graduation presents

katy1213 · 17/05/2021 22:10

Graduation announcements! Is this the latest? Why on earth would they think that anyone other than parents and grannies would be interested?
If you send a card, that's more than I'd do - definitely no presents.

DramaAlpaca · 17/05/2021 22:11

I've never heard of graduation cards, let alone gifts. A card would be nice though.

Nohomemadecandles · 17/05/2021 22:11

What?? Is this a new thing?

Flowerlane · 17/05/2021 22:12

Never heard of announcements let alone graduation gifts? Confused

I would just send a card nothing more.

newnortherner111 · 17/05/2021 22:12

It's not the same as getting an OBE or winning an Olympic medal. I think a card from other than parents is ott. Just get a chance to speak to them and offer congratulations.

motogogo · 17/05/2021 22:12

It's just an announcement. Never heard of gifts! My dd is getting a gift if she passes out from military college as an officer but not for university.

GreyhoundG1rl · 17/05/2021 22:14

Graduation announcements!! Just ignore it, don't let this nonsense become the latest Thing.

Lalliebelle · 17/05/2021 22:16

What thing are they graduating from? It's not a gift occasion whatever the answer!

Original poster
Wrenna · 17/05/2021 22:17

Yes we are in the States and it’s quite annoying when you have someone you barely know thrust a graduation announcement at you. That is very typical here for close friends to send usually between $25-$50 to the graduate. Family is more usually between $25-$100+. I have no problem with close friends or family, but I’ve had baby sitters I hadn’t used for years sending announcements that they had graduated!

OP posts:
threeteenstaximum · 17/05/2021 22:18

Meh, send a congratulations card to each of them. Or fb or insta them congrats 🎉

No need for a present or cash gift. I would have only sent gift to a beloved godchild or if someone had sent my child a gift on their graduation (such that I'd think maybe this is a big deal to them and that they'd been kind enough to gift my child something)

Your friend sounds rightly proud of her children graduating . It isn't a request for money /gifts (or it shouldn't be!)

I'd be made up to get cards or messages on social media sent to my son when he graduates

He'd prefer the social media gifs that say congratulations as (already aged 19) he "can't be doing with paper cards that ruin the planet" GrinHmmWink

Original poster
Wrenna · 17/05/2021 22:18

It’s been the done thing here for years and years.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 17/05/2021 22:19

but I’ve had baby sitters I hadn’t used for years sending announcements that they had graduated!
Return to sender and pretend you've moved. Cheeky fuckers!

threeteenstaximum · 17/05/2021 22:19

@Wrenna

Yes we are in the States and it’s quite annoying when you have someone you barely know thrust a graduation announcement at you. That is very typical here for close friends to send usually between $25-$50 to the graduate. Family is more usually between $25-$100+. I have no problem with close friends or family, but I’ve had baby sitters I hadn’t used for years sending announcements that they had graduated!
Oh it IS a thing??! Weird

And no you don't have to send anything ... they didn't send your son who graduated last year

elliejjtiny · 17/05/2021 22:20

I probably sound miserable but since when was graduation gifts a thing? Most people on my course just went out for a meal with their parents after the ceremony. Nobody had a party and I don't remember any gifts. I had about 2 cards I think.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 17/05/2021 22:21

Is this graduating from high school or university? Or nursery school? Grin

Either way, just no

Daphnise · 17/05/2021 22:22

How absurd the idea of graduation cards, gifts and announcements is.

Should the required gift vary as to the class of degree, and status of the university- pound shop gift for a mickey mouse degree from Wokesville Uni, but £100,000 for a first in Greats from Oxford?

threeteenstaximum · 17/05/2021 22:22

Sorry it saved before I'd finished
Since they didn't send your son anything you have same reason not to send a gift

But send a card or reply by social media with a celebration gif- little dancing something or a minion gif. Sooo cute and free

Original poster
Wrenna · 17/05/2021 22:23

Since it’s my husband’s friends kids I think I’ll just let him send them something if he wants ;) (In other words they won’t get anything)

OP posts:
Original poster
Wrenna · 17/05/2021 22:24

I’m sorry I keep hitting send before I’m done - this is for high school, so the last year before university.

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 17/05/2021 22:25

Send a text

Woohooo congratulations well done. My son graduated last year isn’t it amazing

frazzledasarock · 17/05/2021 22:26

Whaaaat school graduation. That’s crazy expecting money for going through regular normal school!

tunnocksreturns2019 · 17/05/2021 22:28

Aha I thought as much! It’s called ‘leaving school’ in the UK Grin

GreyhoundG1rl · 17/05/2021 22:31

All kids leave high school, don't they? I mean, most kids go to university nowadays too, far more than would have even twenty years ago; but there's really nothing special about finishing school Confused
Outside the kid's immediate family, of course.