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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not send graduation gifts

81 replies

Wrenna · 17/05/2021 22:06

Family friends have twins graduating this year and have sent out graduation announcements (Not invitations to a party). Our own son graduated last year but with Covid he couldn’t have a party so I didn’t send out announcements so no one would feel pressured to send him a gift. These friends definitely knew our son was graduating last year but he didn’t receive even a congratulations card from them - which is fine. However now that we received these announcements I’m thinking they are expecting a gift. Can I just send them a congratulations card and not gift or am I just being miserable?

OP posts:

cariadlet · 18/05/2021 10:59

I'm relieved that this is in the US (although full of sympathy for American MNers). I've never heard of graduation announcements or gifts and really hope that it isn't an American tradition that comes over to the UK like baby showers and gender reveal parties.

I assumed from the OP that this would be students graduating from university and proud parents announcing that they've earned a degree. That would be bad enough. Absolutely gobsmacked that people expect presents for their kids just for finishing school. It seems so entitled.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/05/2021 11:08

Graduating High School is slightly different to leaving school in the UK isn't it because they only move up a year when they pass I think?? Also based purely on US teen TV.... So perhaps more of an "achievement" if they've graduated with a 6.0 average etc that leaving UK school with no idea of you've passed or failed?

But yes, leave DH to send a card if he sees fit

PurpleMustang · 18/05/2021 11:22

Wow, never heard of this before. Can I ask what the announcement actually says? "Hi, distant friend. Our little Johnny has finished school. Cough up!"
I know proms are here in UK due to copying US but hoping this doesn't ever catch on. Its not even a thing for leaving Uni.

merryhouse · 18/05/2021 11:23

@Queenoftheashes

For high school 😂😂😂 I’m dying Can’t they just blow up the mayor like a normal person?

snort

Nicolastuffedone · 18/05/2021 11:35

I just left school....no fanfare. Started work 2 weeks later......

NeedNewKnees · 18/05/2021 11:36

@Queenoftheashes

For high school 😂😂😂 I’m dying Can’t they just blow up the mayor like a normal person?

While Angel moodily slopes off to L.A.!

OP, it’s stupid. Everyone graduates from high school, it’s not an impressive achievement.

Singalongasong · 18/05/2021 11:57

Yeah, you probably shouldn't listen to most of us though, because we simply don't know what the done thing is over there. It's no comfort us lot telling you you don't need to, if you still offend your friend.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 18/05/2021 12:05

I’m in the US and had no idea graduation money or gifts were expected when an announcement is received. It’s not something any of my friends here do.

I had one DD graduate a couple of years ago and have another graduating this year.

I’d just say congrats to them OP. I do think it’s been tough to complete high school in the midst of Covid. My two high schoolers have faced all sorts of new challenges.

Toddlerteaplease · 18/05/2021 12:11

I was going to ask if it was graduation from nursery school. Rather than university seeing as it's in the US. Seems I wasn't far wrong!

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 18/05/2021 12:12

They are taking the piss if they didn’t send anything for your son. Just ignore it.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 18/05/2021 12:15

I doubt very much they’re expecting money btw OP.

I mean… unless there’s a cheesy poem in the envelope :-)

mainsfed · 18/05/2021 13:45

I think they definitely want money.

Reminds me of the recent thread where an OP was send a wedding money poem request from family in the US, even though she wasn't going to the wedding.

freakyfridays · 18/05/2021 14:34

If it's a thing in the States, brace yourself, it's coming here!

Your first graduation ceremony happens when you live pre-school. That's a lot of present buying to look forward to...

KatherineOfGaunt · 18/05/2021 14:42

But graduating in the US has always been a big thing: gowns, mortar boards, speeches, presentations of diplomas, special photography, magna cum laude etc.

I don't think we should worry too much. It would have been done before now, surely?

JustKeep · 18/05/2021 14:51

My godson “graduated” from pre-school, literally wore a gown and a hat and got a certificate and all the parents went to watch and clap, then the kids had a party. This was in England, just over 2 years ago. So I think all the big graduation fuss is coming here!

GreyhoundG1rl · 18/05/2021 15:15

@JustKeep

Good lord!

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 18/05/2021 15:17

Whereas none of my children here in the US graduated from pre-school, elementary school or middle school.

They will graduate from high school. They’ve worked their arses off, achieved Honor Roll, passed SATs, APs, and done at least 70 hours of volunteering.

They are not expecting any money.

Chloemol · 18/05/2021 15:30

I would send a card and be done with it

If they say anything I would say at least it’s more than you gave my child

polkadotclip · 18/05/2021 15:35

@frazzledasarock

Send a text

Woohooo congratulations well done. My son graduated last year isn’t it amazing

This!

EileenGC · 18/05/2021 15:47

At my school back in Spain they loved graduations so I had formal ones (as in cap and gown) after finishing preschool, primary, lower secondary and upper secondary. Not the normal in Spain by the way

Still, we just had some fun walking up on a stage for a piece of paper, our parents took some photos and then we’d have slushies and lemonade outside the school hall. No presents or money, and we were kids. Certainly no announcements. I remember for one of the secondary school ones we all went for a pizza together that evening.

Then I went to uni and got a degree and a masters. Bunch of flowers and a card were the most I ever got, from my parents. I don’t think anyone else cared? And don’t get me started on the one that was meant to happen last year, for which we got an email with a zoom invitation and link to a YouTube tutorial on how to make our own hat out of tin foil.

If you’re good friends with these people, send their kids a nice message congratulating them, job done.

gingerbiscuit19 · 18/05/2021 15:48

I've never heard of this being a thing. I wouldn't sent a gift or even think to send one.

SwimBaby · 18/05/2021 16:17

Some recent graduates!

GreyhoundG1rl · 18/05/2021 16:21

@SwimBaby

Some recent graduates!

Holy hell...

caringcarer · 18/05/2021 16:38

I would.thimk a text with gif would be fine. I like the ones with fireworks.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 18/05/2021 17:03

I'd probably reply with a text too. But I've never received a graduation announcement card - despite being American and having dozens of friends with kids who have graduated high school.

I asked DD who graduates next month what the protocol is, and she has no idea - she said none of her friends have mentioned sending out graduation announcement cards.

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