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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not send graduation gifts

81 replies

Wrenna · 17/05/2021 22:06

Family friends have twins graduating this year and have sent out graduation announcements (Not invitations to a party). Our own son graduated last year but with Covid he couldn’t have a party so I didn’t send out announcements so no one would feel pressured to send him a gift. These friends definitely knew our son was graduating last year but he didn’t receive even a congratulations card from them - which is fine. However now that we received these announcements I’m thinking they are expecting a gift. Can I just send them a congratulations card and not gift or am I just being miserable?

OP posts:
threeteenstaximum · 17/05/2021 22:31

@Wrenna

I’m sorry I keep hitting send before I’m done - this is for high school, so the last year before university.
Oh . You are kidding me GrinGrinHmm

So it's not even a graduation
It's a finished high school woohoo

So not even an Oxford , or Penn, Harvard or any of the posh unis in US degree graduation land. They finished their school like every other child does (or most children ... accept that some don't)

Reeeaaaallly weird to send out graduation notices for that. But then I'm U.K. and we are often surprised about what our US friends may start celebrating... you do realise it's all very bizarre to us!

threeteenstaximum · 17/05/2021 22:31

@frazzledasarock

Send a text

Woohooo congratulations well done. My son graduated last year isn’t it amazing

This ^
Queenoftheashes · 17/05/2021 22:39

For high school 😂😂😂 I’m dying
Can’t they just blow up the mayor like a normal person?

HeckyPeck · 17/05/2021 22:47

@frazzledasarock

Send a text

Woohooo congratulations well done. My son graduated last year isn’t it amazing

This is the winner!
gah2teenagers · 17/05/2021 22:48

@frazzledasarock

Send a text

Woohooo congratulations well done. My son graduated last year isn’t it amazing

Yes ! This !
Womencanlift · 18/05/2021 08:59

Surely graduating high school isn’t an achievement that has to be announced. If you know the child, you will know what age they are and therefore they will be finishing school in x year

Graduating university is different as not everyone attends and even those who do may go at different times to their peers

Neither situation requires a financial gift especially from non family members

VestaTilley · 18/05/2021 09:03

Who the hell does graduation announcements?! What fresh hell is this?!

No. You would not be unreasonable. Just send a card.

Traditionally celebrating a graduation is for the graduate and their parents. Grandparents and some aunts and uncles may wish to send a card or gift, but it’s not mandatory and I’ve certainly never heard of parties to go with it! Just a nice celebratory family dinner is more than enough.

sonjadog · 18/05/2021 09:27

I think it depends on what is the norm where you live. In the UK it wouldn't be normal to send something so YANBU in a British context. But you don't live in a British context, so whether you are reasonable or not depends entirely on what is usual where you live.

mainsfed · 18/05/2021 09:32

@Wrenna

Since it’s my husband’s friends kids I think I’ll just let him send them something if he wants ;) (In other words they won’t get anything)
Goo! They are cheeky twats, I wouldn't even send a card.
Jocasta2018 · 18/05/2021 09:36

My parents & partner were there for the ceremony & we all went out for a really nice meal afterwards.
Certainly didn't expect graduation cards from people.
(This was about 30 years ago!)

mainsfed · 18/05/2021 09:37

*Good not goo

BrumBoo · 18/05/2021 09:37

$25-$100 per person for completing basic schooling? Goodness me, is that what it takes to motivate the average American teen? I know the country is very money focused, and that will help pay for 20 minutes college tuition, but still....

Clymene · 18/05/2021 09:43

Gifts for finishing school? Jog on!

KingdomScrolls · 18/05/2021 09:49

My parents bought me a really beautiful bracelet and gave it to me on the morning of my graduation, I didn't expect that let alone presents from random friends of theirs!

Justcashnosweets · 18/05/2021 09:49

What fresh hell is this? Graduation gifts??? Never heard of it!

KingdomScrolls · 18/05/2021 09:50

I just saw that is high school not even an actual graduation!!!!

Sooverthemill · 18/05/2021 09:52

Wow! I've never heard of graduation cards, parties, announcements or gifts. I've graduated twice. My eldest DD graduated. We were glad she did so as it cost a fortune to fund her studies. I think her granny may have sent £20.

Sooverthemill · 18/05/2021 09:53

@Wrenna

Yes we are in the States and it’s quite annoying when you have someone you barely know thrust a graduation announcement at you. That is very typical here for close friends to send usually between $25-$50 to the graduate. Family is more usually between $25-$100+. I have no problem with close friends or family, but I’ve had baby sitters I hadn’t used for years sending announcements that they had graduated!
Ah okay. You probably should have said that as most MN people are probably UK based. Well in the USA it seems that everyone spends a fortune celebrating every single thing they can. I loathe the spill over to the UK ( don't get me started on proms)
IrmaFayLear · 18/05/2021 09:54

Please don’t let this become the new Christmas Eve box....

DenisetheMenace · 18/05/2021 09:55

Whaaaat? When did this become a thing?

clary · 18/05/2021 09:56

Literally Grining at the idea of a gift to someone for leaving school! Yeah because they have managed the amazing achievement of turning 18!

DS2 leaves school this year (next week actually) and while I may post a cute pic of him in reception on mu social media, I have literally zero expectations of any cards or gifts from anyone.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 18/05/2021 09:56

Never heard of it, and a niece of ours has just completed an arduous PhD. I just sent a card, in addition to WhatsApp congrats - she’s in the US.

bigbluebus · 18/05/2021 09:57

I was thinking it was graduation from Uni which was bad enough but now you say it's basically leaving school I find it even more ridiculous. I hope this is a habit that doesn't migrate across the pond with all the other crazy money draining ideas that have already arrived.
My DS left ' High School' (6th form) and the students had a posh dinner with the staff. No gifts from us or others were involved. Gifts for teachers from DS were a thing though.
He graduated last year from Uni. There was no ceremony - cancelled twice now - but we bought a takeaway from his favourite local Italian on the day he got his results. He advised his relatives of his results and they all said 'well done '. No gifts or money were involved.
Crikey, we'll be giving gifts for breathing soon.

DenisetheMenace · 18/05/2021 10:07

School? It gets worse. You graduate from university. You leave school.
Bonkers.

BrumBoo · 18/05/2021 10:23

@DenisetheMenace

School? It gets worse. You graduate from university. You leave school. Bonkers.
To be fair, from what I've watched of American TV (total expert), 'graduate' is a term they use for finishing any school year and/or moving on to the next schooling experience. Even quite old media has lines such as 'did you even graduate the 4th Grade?' or 'she's going to her Middle School graduation'. It seems to be just part of the vernacular. However, getting money (lots of money) for completing the basics seems ott even for me. Also seems like another huge wealth divider in the American class system.