AIBU?
AIBU to think my SIL was trying to steal my thunder?
GlasgowMiss1991 · 17/05/2021 10:32
So this happened before Covid, when people could attend events etc.
I had just got engaged and my family had kindly organised a family dinner for just my parents, siblings and partners and my cousin had organised a brunch the following day for the wider family to mark the occasion.
My SIL has a track record of becoming ill whenever my family has an occasion - she's missed major birthday celebrations, naming ceremonies etc.
On the day of the dinner she insisted that we call to her house beforehand, which was not something she'd ever done before. My mother, my sister and I called down. My brother, (SIL's husband), and my Dad weren't there. SIL congratulated me on my engagement and told us she was pregnant.
I was delighted for her, but surprised at the manner that she had announced it, especially given that my brother wasn't even there.
She then became ill and hysterical later on in the evening and didn't show up for the family dinner.
I was mainly confused and surprised but my mother was quietly livid (she did not make this known to SIL or brother). She did ask them, however, not to announce the pregnancy at the brunch the following day.
Anyway I'm sure you can see where this is going. They announced it at the brunch. Everyone seemed a bit stunned by the announcement, there was no major fuss made.
Anyway, this happened ages ago, but since then she has done this again. She didn't attend my hen party and she took ill just after the ceremony at my wedding and left before dinner started. We had booked and paid for a room for them at the wedding venue so she could have gone for a lie down but instead she went home. There was a second day of celebrations at the wedding but she didn't attend that either.
We make it our business to attend all of their parties/events etc.
We never spoke about this. I just sort of pretended that it was normal because frankly I didn't know how to approach it, and I don't want to start a fight. I have a good relationship with my brother. I mentioned it to a few friends but they didn't really offer opinions on it.
AIBU to think that she is trying to get attention, or at least trying to disrespect my celebrations deliberately? This isn't normal, right?
Am I being unreasonable?
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Aprilwasverywet · 17/05/2021 10:38
Make a mental note if dh doesn't invite her then you don't...
My sil was also a nightmare... Wouldn't have my dd(not dh's) at her wedding incase the guests thought her dps were dgps already when she wanted the first dgc...
A year later I did have the first dgc.. She never forgave me.
MoreAloneTime · 17/05/2021 10:39
I think this is one of those situations where you have to accept you can't change a person. You have to adjust (lower, let's be honest it's always lower) your expectations of them and put in your own boundaries to reduce hurt.
For what it's worth I had really unpleasant pregnancies. I didn't make a drama out of this but wouldn't have made myself suffer a social event I couldn't cope with. If you are determined to always attend her events then good for you, she doesn't have the same attitude and you can't change that
mainsfed · 17/05/2021 10:43
YANBU. I'm so pleased your mum stood up for you.
I would keep her arm's lengths from now on and don't give too much of yourself to her. Don't make her a priority and don't let this continue into the next generation (people like this often encourage their children to treat their cousins badly).
PriestessofPing · 17/05/2021 10:56
Yea it does sound like she’s trying g to get the attention on her, but i’d try not to rise to it. Think about it, she’s so jealous when other people have big news that she is either genuinely unwell with it or she pretends to be. Neither is the sign of a healthy person.
reprehensibleme · 17/05/2021 11:00
Everyone will recognise her for the drama queen she is. Best way to deal - ignore what you can, say 'how nice' and move on if she makes dramatic announcement (or obviously `how sad' if situation warrants) and 'OK, bye, feel better soon' if she does dramatic death's door exit.
Stop allowing her the power to spoil occasions - by ignoring /downplaying your response to her ridiculousness hopefully, as she's obviously doing it for dramatic effect, she'll eventually get the hump that it's not working and stop.
Embroideredstars · 17/05/2021 11:09
Just ignore her, the best thing for something like the pregnancy announcement is an indifferent "how nice/what a shame" depending on type of drama before returning attention to the main event people. Sort of like how you would treat a child showing off or making a scene.
If you all act unbothered by her dramatics and don't give her any attention hopefully she will stop.. I think most people would see her pregnancy announcement at your wedding as the attention seeking stunt it was...
AlexinMotherland · 17/05/2021 11:12
This happened to me too! Big (early) pregnancy announcement on my engagement, didn’t come to the wedding, drama whenever she’s not centre of attention etc.
I really think social media has a lot to answer for with people like this, just try to pity her and know YANBU.
ANewDawnANewDay · 17/05/2021 11:14
My MIL used to get sick the day we were leaving (whenever we went to visit her - long distance so we would stay a week or so).
The care lavished on her by her sons was a sight to behold! Sil and I used to grab a seat and sit down with the metaphorical popcorn.
Been married 20 years now - I think she stopped after about 10 years.
There's nothing you can do - it probably stems from insecurity somewhere. Just be polite and mostly leave her to it.
pissface · 17/05/2021 11:17
There's no bloody hope for some people, 8 years ago(today, it's her birthday!) my SIL'a boyfriend proposed, my DD was also born and she told me I 'better not tell everyone and steal her thunder' as if I could just have closed my legs and held DD in for a few days. Bizarre, some people just can't stand not being the centre of attention.
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