Husband becomes really nasty sometimes.

[itwillcomeback]

Is it normal? When he's stressed he's very very nasty to me. Bad attitude. Tutting, being mean for no reason, just the 'humph' attitude. Today he was throwing a hissy fit because 'I have too much stuff'. We're looking to renovate and moving out and even though I try to always stay a step ahead and tidy and box things up, there are some things that I simply did not have the time for. We have young children too.

When we first moved he did the same. When we have visitors around. Or when we're fixing something. I've also noticed he does it more around his family members. Almost like he's trying to show who's boss and wears the pants.

My question is this normal and AIBU to be very sad and upset by it. It's happened so often that my anger turns to sadness. I do sometimes end up taking it out on my family but then explain I'm just stressed out. I feel the the happiness of doing something great even though it is stressful it's still exciting, all seems to go down the drain for me.

Before you ask if we have talked about it. Yes we have a million times. He agrees and then does it again. Today he's pretending like all is ok and just ignored me. Basically can't even look at me. He's fully aware I'm not happy.

And please MN no posting about 'leave him' etc. He's a good man. Just had his moments which I feel I need to manage. How do I talk about it and does it happen to you?

How old are you OP? Do you seriously want to spend the rest of your life with someone who's behaviour you have to 'manage'.

What happens when your kids get older and he has outbursts in front of them or directed at them. Are you planning on minimising and covering up his behaviour in front of them? What if he is nasty to you in front of them? How do you think that will effect them?

I hope you aren't financially dependent on him.

OP,
If you have no issue just walk out when he speaks badly to you.

Standing there and accepting it is even worse than arguing.

How you can look at someone, not to mind live your life with someone so vicious towards is very sad.

You know when you stay silent to keep the peace, you just create a war inside you.

Hi OP, your husband sounds a lot like mine. I ended up having an affair with someone who showed me love and kindness. It has all blown up now and I am in a complete mess. I've got a thread on it at the moment which you might find an interesting read, I've had so much insightful support. My advice would be to either sit down with him, explain that you're on the brink of leaving him and give him one last chance to change, or just actually leave. I wish I'd done either of those things before my affair complicated things further.

'Baffling you think that what Countrycode said was mean and pulled her up on it, but you’re happy to accept the man who should love you above all others treat you like shit and humiliate you in front of his family.'

Yep. And she wasn't 'mean'. She was right, and she shouldn't have apologized.

If you have a daughter, think what you’re teaching her. You’re teaching her to kowtow to a man, to manage his abuse of her and to take responsibility for it, and to ultimately just accept it. Would you be happy if she was in a relationship like yours?

And if you have a son, you’re allowing this man to teach him that it’s ok to abuse women.