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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Upsetting encounter with mentally ill man, he spat on me

144 replies

Ldnmum276 · 16/05/2021 15:29

I've just had an upsetting encounter with a local well known character in the town centre. He has mental ill health and substance abuse issues.

The reception you get when you pass him varies depending on how he is on any given day, he's either chirpy and saying hello to everybody / stopping traffic so women with prams can cross the road.. or behaving aggressively to passers by.

I've just been for my daily cycle and stopped at a shop for a drink. When I came out to unlock my bicycle he approached me shouting and got right into my personal space, because he was so close to me he actually spat directly into my eye.

I'm not sure that the spit was intentional (though he was being deliberately aggressive) but that would be no comfort to me if he gave me covid or god knows what else.

I'm a small woman with a very obvious pregnant bump and must have looked terrified but people (men!) just glanced and walked on by.

I managed to get on my bicycle and make a hasty exit when he turned his attention to another person walking past.

I'm home now and my eye feels a bit sore but that could be because I've rubbed it that much

Not an AIBU as such but I'm feeling a bit shaken up and wanted to get it out somewhere.

Nothing can be done really can it?

I'm going to be on edge whenever I see him now which is fairly often. He's never targeted me before today, infact I've actually bought him food a few times as harmless as I thought he was.

OP posts:

Hubstar · 16/05/2021 17:14

I came across a woman being beaten up against a glass window in a busy shopping centre. On a Saturday. She was about 17. Blood pouring down her face. Body smashed up

I stopped the guy. But he came after me and my 1 yr okd daughter.

To this day when I think about it. It makes me really sad. No one helped when the girl was being hit or bloodied. No one helped when he tried to attack me and my 1 yr old. There were over 4000 people there at that time.

Not one.

Original poster

Ldnmum276 · 16/05/2021 17:16

I'm so sorry to hear these accounts where some of you have gone through or witnessed similar, and worse.

Its fucking horrible.

OP posts:

Hubstar · 16/05/2021 17:16

I had the police ring me. Originally I was told that nothing could be done. Sadly

However they rang me back two weeks later. After his attack on the young girl and trying on me. Hed gone out and stabbed two young teenage boys. THEN the police got involved. But how I wish to this day it never happened. I wish I’d of been able to do something. Maybe I made it worse for the girl….

It’s never far from my mind at how nobody did anything. Apart from me. If one day I was being attacked. Would anyone help?

whataboutbob · 16/05/2021 17:17

That’s awful @Hubstar

Original poster

Ldnmum276 · 16/05/2021 17:19

@Hubstar

I had the police ring me. Originally I was told that nothing could be done. Sadly

It’s never far from my mind at how nobody did anything. Apart from me. If one day I was being attacked. Would anyone help?

Jesus Christ that's terrifying. I would lose sleep over that. I hope you and the other victims were/are ok.

I would like to think I would help somebody in these circumstances, I would definitely call the police at the very least.

OP posts:

Harveywoo · 16/05/2021 17:19

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I had a very similar experience many years ago. Looking back, I think passers by were so shocked and also confused about what was actually happening that they didn’t know what to do, so though not brilliant, try not to take that too personally. Lots of self care and I hope you’re able to put this behind you soon and that the local police take this as seriously as they should

Feelingsad101 · 16/05/2021 17:19

I’m really sorry .Report it to the police 100%. I was beaten up by someone who was mentally ill . It scared me but I moved on eventually . No one ever deserves to be spat on , mentally ill person or not .

Unsure33 · 16/05/2021 17:20

to be honest if he got close enough and was aggressive enough for his salivia to land in the eye I would not care if it was intentional or not .

I am glad you reported it .

And I hope you are ok . It would upset most people I am sure . And shame on those who walked past and did not help .

GinJeanie · 16/05/2021 17:20

@Ldnmum276
Aww, I'm sorry this happened to you - it's horrible. Definitely report. I had something similar - somebody with obvious MH problems spat in my face as we walked past each other in the street. I was pushing my baby daughter in her pram so felt quite vulnerable too.
I reported it and the police took it seriously - Victim support contacted me shortly afterwards. I didn't feel I needed it but was grateful. It is assault.

Original poster

Ldnmum276 · 16/05/2021 17:20

Hubs, I don't think you made it worse for the girl at all. I think you were incredibly brave and had that of been me then I'd have been so grateful for your help.

OP posts:

Hubstar · 16/05/2021 17:21

@skirk64

You need to report it to the police. People have been prosecuted for coughing at people during the pandemic and spitting in your eye is much more serious. He needs taking off the street, either to a secure medical facility or preferably just a prison.

I'm not sure what you expect passers-by to do though, it's not worth getting involved especially if the situation involves a known problem case. If an altercation involves homeless/street drinkers/substance abusers then it's even more important not to get involved because they are so volatile. There was a case a while back where a homeless person was having a go at some woman, I just walked by because there is a reasonable chance she was homeless and drunk too.

See. That’s the problem

I would ALWAYS help someone in need. Always. Regardless of my own safety.

NerrSnerr · 16/05/2021 17:22

You need to report it to the police. They need to be aware when he is acting aggressively. It's the police/ mental health services job to decide whether his aggression is down to mental illness.

Original poster

Ldnmum276 · 16/05/2021 17:22

So many of us targeted by mentally ill people, it's horrendous. So much for care in the community eh.

There's another man locally who does the same, he got on a bus opposite my house and threatened to stab the driver. I don't think anybody bothered reporting it as he's another 'known character' and everybody is just used to him going off on one in the street at people.

OP posts:

SingingWaffleDoggy · 16/05/2021 17:22

@Ldnmum276 they had no known infections but had travelled and worked extensively in Africa, and had used IV drugs in the past. It was in a work setting so the response may be different from Occupational Health than for a member of the public like yourself.
Don’t panic. Genuinely, risk of transmission is low, and that’s if he has anything anyway, but better to be safe than sorry

ThankYouHunkyJesus · 16/05/2021 17:23

You've done the right thing reporting him. If you didn't report, nothing would be done. But as you've tried, there's a slight chance something might be done to reduce the risk of him doing this to someone else. Disgusting cowards who walked past. Society is broken.

Couchbettato · 16/05/2021 17:24

This sounds like a relative of mine who has schizophrenia, along with other mental health issues due to having a stroke as a result of organ failure from substance misuse.

He's in a housing programme but for some reason spends most of his time on the streets, and sometimes he's in a better state than other times.

I've always actively stayed out of his way but I was always a favourite of his growing up, but now I'm an adult and I'll walk by and sometimes I'll get a hello, how are you or I'll get a mostly incomprehensible mumble that sounds like oh my god I can't fucking stand you.

And I do think he has the potential to assault when he's having an episode.

Mental health services are an absolute joke and he has been known to commit petty crimes just so he can get into prison for a short stint to get sober or get the medical help he needs.

I would still report it OP.

This relative of mine has hepatitis from substance misuse and needle sharing, so if I were you I'd also be going and getting a check up asap.

Hubstar · 16/05/2021 17:27

@Ldnmum276

Hubs, I don't think you made it worse for the girl at all. I think you were incredibly brave and had that of been me then I'd have been so grateful for your help.

Thanks. She helped me when he tried to attack me and my daughter. She was able to get his attention for around 1 second and pull him off. I was able in that time to run with my daughter in my arms. I’ve no idea how. I wondered because she did that. If he’s taken it out on her when they got home…

ElephantsNest · 16/05/2021 17:29

Poor you, I am glad you reported it. It might be the incident that gets this man the help he needs. A similar thing happened to a friend and the police wanted her to press charges so they could section the person and get them some proper help.

Reinventinganna · 16/05/2021 17:29

If it’s reported and he’s known to the police they do usually let the Mh team (if he’s under one) know. Where I am anyway!
They might not do anything but it helps build a bigger picture of his current state of mind. You obviously won’t get feedback.

Lordamighty · 16/05/2021 17:32

There’s a man like this in my local town, clearly mentally unwell but he can be very aggressive when he has had a lot to drink.
He has been arrested countless times but won’t accept any offers of help from the authorities. He can be particularly aggressive towards women, it must be terrifying if you are on the receiving end of his anger.

potentialdogowner · 16/05/2021 17:35

Hi OP sorry this happened. You should definitely let your midwife know - spit in the eye could potentially transfer something and even though the risk is very low you'll probably need a series of blood tests to check you haven't developed anything. All the infectious diseases screening bloods you had at the start of pregnancy would probably need to be repeated, as well as adding hep b and c. Your midwife should be able to arrange it for you at the maternity hospital instead of going through 111. Best of luck.

Miasicarisatia · 16/05/2021 17:40

Very upsetting for you OP, this man is a danger to others and himself
'care in the community'...what a joke:(

Lovemusic33 · 16/05/2021 17:48

I would report it.

I work in mental health supporting people like him, it sounds like he’s not in a great place right now and may need extra help. Reporting him may help him get more support.

I don’t believe the spitting was intentional, sometimes people spit when they talk especially if they are angry and talking fast.

Pinkdelight3 · 16/05/2021 17:50

It's a horrible experience, and you've done the right thing reporting, but I wouldn't be so hasty to blame passers-by. OP was relieved and made a hasty exit on her back as soon as he turned his attention to someone else. Not blaming her for that either, but unless someone is a copper or trained in how to deal with volatile mentally ill people in a rage, it's a fairly normal response to not get involved and risk inflaming the situation.

Pinkdelight3 · 16/05/2021 17:50

*on her bike

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