To quit my fancy new job (as it's turned me into a miserable cow?)

[thelongandshortofit]

When my last Dc started secondary school in September I went back to work FT having had a lovely but admittedly fairly leisurely few years working PT and raising the kids. I secured what I thought was my dream job but I feel like I'm failing at everything The hours are long so by the time I get home I'm tired & irritable plus I feel like I'm constantly spinning plates & they are all about to come crashing down!

I can't be arsed to go out or chat on the phone for hours so friends and family are being neglected; the house is a pig sty (slight exaggeration but it will never be as clean or tidy as I'd like); my kids are left to their own devices until we get home at 7 so aren't doing anywhere near the same amount or putting in the same effort with homework; my relationship with DH is not what it was as I feel like when I am at home I'm either moaning about work (very pressurised environment and my boss is a dick) or nagging about chores/homework/meals; I can't find the time or motivation to run anymore I've gained nearly a stone in weight and feel permanently sluggish. And it turns out I'm not even that great at my job anymore

So AIBU to just hand in my notice despite being there only 8 months? My contract has a competition exclusion clause so no chance of staying in the industry for a year+ which I'm not bothered about but no other skills to speak and we do need some income albeit not as much as I'm on now but no other clue what I'd do.

I just feel like there's more to life than work but scared (& embarrassed) to quit after such a short amount of time as it took me a while to go back to work and find what I thought was the perfect job and I know my friends and family were so proud of me and impressed with the new 'career girl' and I can imagine DH in particular being really disappointed as he saw it as a fantastic new beginning for the whole family. But I hate the new me

Everyone else should be stepping up; your DCs are not little kids and your DH is a grown up.

Agree with the cleaner suggestions. Have groceries delivered. Talk to your DCs about what they can cook and get what they need to do so into the house.

And make a chores list and assign chores; rotate them amongst the kids who are home earlier than you and your DH. Everyone gets a night to cook.

What are your actual contracted hours? Just wondering if you're out of the house til 7pm because you're working ridiculous hours or because you have a long commute? If it's the latter could you look for a similar role closer to home?

I work FT compressed hours so I'm out of the house from 7ish until 6 but only four days a week. It's tiring on the days I work but having one day where I get six hours to myself while DC at school/nursery to get stuff done makes a big difference to my stress levels. It also means that one day a week I can be there to have breakfast with the kids, take them to school, pick them up, facilitate play dates with their friends after school or take to them to the park.

I agree with pp that if you can afford a cleaner to take some of the pressure off then it makes sense. But with secondary age kids you shouldn't have to worry about curtains being drawn and beds being made whether you work FT or not.

As for socialising, I don't know many adults who have the luxury of spending "hours on the phone" to their friends. I tend to communicate with friends on WhatsApp and if I value the friendship I will make an effort to meet up with them regularly regardless of how tired I am. Even I've had a long day at work and feel like I'd rather collapse in front of the TV than go out drink or a meal with friends, I always end up enjoying myself once I'm there.

I would make sure you have explored all possible solutions before deciding to jack it all in. I don't buy this "no one on their death bed wishes they had worked more" stuff. I know quite a few women who have bitterly regretted giving up careers for a variety of reasons.

Make an effort to carve out time for family and friends. Your week needs to stop at a certain hour and it's on you to find that balance. Work shouldn't pressure you to work late. 55 hours isn't sustainable. Probably not even legal.

If your house is not clean, and your children and husband can not or will not do it, you'll need a cleaner.

It is a shame your kids are left to their own devices - again, could the husband not step in and do some parenting?

I mean it's hard, but it's doable. It's... well, basically what others do. Think of men - they don't um and ah about doing their hobbies in their free time, they just do them. But cleaning and childcare need to be properly shared.