To be shocked at parents allowing teenage rule breaking

[chocolateforeverymeal]

We have been really diligent with the covid rules. I assumed the people I respect enough to be good friends with were doing the same.

Seems not. We all have teens. Mine is desperate to have friends round, and has done so in the garden. Turns out teenagers with boyfriends, in particular, but others too, can't be expected to follow rules. Some really good friends, at least three different families, have been allowing indoors visits for teens for weeks.

Really pisses me off-as if it's easy for the mugs who follow rules but they are exceptions. And these are people who are quite sniffy about other people's standards at times.

You're not an idiot.

It was printed in some of the first SAGE papers from the behavioural scientists that there had to be a high level of compliance (think it was 80%) to any restrictions for them to be effective.

So yes, there will be a subsection of the population who will not, cannot follow the rules and some who follow most but break a few.

It's lucky for them that most will be fully complaint because that's what allows the restrictions to be eventually lifted.

I've followed the rules almost completely.

The only one I've broken is 7 outside in parents garden and popping into my parents for 5 minutes twice in last month (but SD and we are all fully vaccinated)

I don't blame those who have people round who they work all day with or are in a classroom with - there is no increased risk.

I do blame those idiots who have huge mass gatherings and parties and those who don't isolate with symptoms - or worse those parents who were sending kids into school whilst waiting for test results.

My 10 year old has had friends over (all school friends. No masks and not able to social distance due to class size also doing LFT twice a week now so risks very minimal.
My 15 year old has also had friends over. Exactly same reasons, although she wears mask in class she doesn't in dinner hall and no social distancing just year bubbles used.
My 20 year old has had one person to stay. He has been going pub regularly and sHaring a small bench with 5 other people. Also works in a place where testing is done every 3 days he's also had first vaccine due to disability.
At a time when mental health is at its toughest point I let my children break the rules to save their sanity whilst considering all the risk factors.
I don't have time or energy to worry about anyone else to be honest.

I am cheering for the posters who have put their children’s mental well-being over the opaque and at times illogical rules. I fully agree that depression is a greater risk to them than covid, and that our young people have given up enough.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Be pissed off then, be shocked. I let mine live their lives. I don't give a fuck anymore. We've been having a great time whilst some are sat at home sucking lemons. More fool them.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

We haven't been "at home sucking lemons". Like the OP, we have been following the rules and trying to minimise risk to ourselves and others. You've made different choices, but I take exception to your sneering tone

Sorry but DS has over the last year lost out on his A-levels after studying for two years, had his apprenticeship pulled and had 3 driving tests cancelled. He went to work in a warehouse initially and now a supermarket picking home shopping for people who either can’t or won’t go out without a single complaint so if he bloody wants a couple of friends round to chat and have a laugh with them I’m not going to stop him.

I let dd socialise outside as its good for her mental health and she mixes with same friends at school .

We've had a couple of lovely evenings recently. My friend lives opposite a large car park, where loads of parents were dropping off their teenage kids with bulging rucksacks full of booze. They proceeded to have a large gathering down the burn, leaving loads of bottles and other rubbish lying around.
If the parents are as irresponsible as this, what hope is there? We have one of the highest rates in the country hardly surprising with this type of shit going on

@Iheartmysmart

Sorry but DS has over the last year lost out on his A-levels after studying for two years, had his apprenticeship pulled and had 3 driving tests cancelled. He went to work in a warehouse initially and now a supermarket picking home shopping for people who either can’t or won’t go out without a single complaint so if he bloody wants a couple of friends round to chat and have a laugh with them I’m not going to stop him.

Why be sorry or apologise for that? Sounds perfectly reasonable.

We let Dd see her boyfriend from the start (she was 18y soon after it started and is now 19y) - initially only outside, but when it continued, indoors too and eventually staying over.

She had a rubbish start to all this with her grandad dying but not being able to visit him before, her 18th birthday around the same time with all the party/celebrations cancelled, both her great grandmas dying, not being able to say goodbye at those two funerals and having not seen them for weeks/months, cancelled exams, the exam fiasco, the nightmare of trying to sort university stuff during a pandemic, cancelled 'end of school rites of passage' like prom, nightclubs, holidays, etc. And more recently, last month, yet another lockdown birthday.

So yes, for her health we made a conscious decision to allow her to see him, despite me being CV (He is also Cv)

As it happens it's now finished as the stresses of trying to hold a relationship at a distance (different universities) and restrictions for so long meaning they couldn't see each other much was just too much, could have happened anyway but covid made everything harder.

I still don't regret that decision. It wasn't their fault that their year long relationship was at a time when they couldn't live together and neither lived alone to form a support bubble.

@Iheartmysmart

Sorry but DS has over the last year lost out on his A-levels after studying for two years, had his apprenticeship pulled and had 3 driving tests cancelled. He went to work in a warehouse initially and now a supermarket picking home shopping for people who either can’t or won’t go out without a single complaint so if he bloody wants a couple of friends round to chat and have a laugh with them I’m not going to stop him.

I agree.

As said, Dd had so much taken away (I forgot the two cancelled driving tests and still waiting for new lessons to restart due to backlogs), so I think we do need to offer some of these teens a bit of leeway at times.

Tbh if they spend all day at school together anyway not sure the risk is particularly increased. No one really believes that 'bubbles' in schools are actually a real thing or offer any real covid protection do they?

Mine dropped out of school back in October because of this whole bollocks. He has since been going back and forth between here and his girlfriends house every few weeks without which he would literally see no one. Fuck that. He has suffered enough already. I put his mental health first. Every time.

I can't see the issue if it's okay for them to mix in school 5 days a week, I just can't see the harm for an hour or two after school.

We followed the rules but when Dd 16 became suicidal and Ds 9 was scared to play out we stopped. They are much happier now. Dh and I stick to the rules still.

We've had no one in our house. DS ended up in his friends house a couple of weeks ago - he and a couple of others had been invited for a BBQ and to spend the night in their garden but it turned so cold in the night the parents asked them to go in.

Unless you're in a high case area like Bolton why wouldn't you have a friend over?

My son has his gf over. They worked at the same place throughout the pandemic and use two rooms together (his room and the bathroom) so there's very little risk.

And the same parents will be the one shouting for their kids to go into school with no masks. they really don't give a damn about anyone else.

Why did you think we were all in this together? 🤷‍♀️

I'm sorry but I think you are a mug if you are following the rules to the detriment of your mental health. If you need to see someone see them. On Monday it's back to rule of 6. Do you think something with magically change at midnight or that families who invite a different person round each day (which is allowed under the rules) are statistically safer than those who allowed their child's gf/bf round for the last couple of months?

Exactly.

My son has consistently been seeing just one person indoors (his girlfriend) plus some outdoor meet ups with the same 6 lads in his college bubble.

We will continue this and will not be mixing with lots of different people over the next few months.

I agree with you, OP.

My sons beenout with friends but not in their homes. We've been in families homes though.

If schools are safe, everywhere is safe. This I promise. Don't ruin your kids lives. Let them play.

My teen DD’s both have boyfriends in their bubbles at school/college
I didn’t allow it during the worst of the pandemic but they are together at school/college every day so I did allow it when thing eased a bit.
I worried about their MH

Another here who has decided DD's mental health is more important. She's been working most of the way through too. There's a lot of reshaping of neural pathways in the brain at this age, it would be easy for a period of loneliness, isolation, anxiety and depression to become wired in for life. I think they've been asked to give up too much. The mental health of lots of them is pretty fragile, and asking them to basically abandon their relationships with BF/GF is unreasonable IMO.

My kids = my rules.

What will you moan about about 21st June OP?

Children mental health shouldn't be such an issue now. Children are back at school, back with their friends so they don't actually need to see their friends after school too.
Surely it was during lockdown last year that it was worse. Now things should be improving (without seeing their friends as and when they want).
I'm also wondering if everything will go back to normal on 21st June with the new variant of Covid. However people can do as they please and I suppose it'll be a non issue tomorrow.