To be shocked at parents allowing teenage rule breaking

[chocolateforeverymeal]

We have been really diligent with the covid rules. I assumed the people I respect enough to be good friends with were doing the same.

Seems not. We all have teens. Mine is desperate to have friends round, and has done so in the garden. Turns out teenagers with boyfriends, in particular, but others too, can't be expected to follow rules. Some really good friends, at least three different families, have been allowing indoors visits for teens for weeks.

Really pisses me off-as if it's easy for the mugs who follow rules but they are exceptions. And these are people who are quite sniffy about other people's standards at times.

In our city the infection rate is 29/100,000 but 0 in our area. No deaths in over 2 months, no COVID cases in hospital. This versus the real risk to mental health.

Well after dd's overdose and CAMHS involvement, I thought letting her have a friend over was the least bad option and I won't apologise for that.

You're not an idiot OP.
But society needs to step back from what is an unprecedented madness. There is no data - as opposed to modelling - which would suggest that the draconian rules we've on the whole been following are a reasonable response to what is now simply an endemic, seasonal, and in the grand scheme fairly minor illness.
I've been following the rules because I'm that sort of person but I would absolutely champion those who aren't like me because the law in this instance has been an ass and has brought our democracy and legal system down to an absolute low. Morally, the rules should not be followed because they are nonsensical. All credit to those who breach them.

And that is with lots of people easing up in the last couple of weeks. We have had low rates throughout so assume as a community we have been very compliant generally.

My DD (early 20s) really suffered with her mental health in the first lockdown stuck in a student house. Since she's been home she's been fairly diligent about following the rules, but I've not been bothered if the meet-ups at friend's houses are a couple more than six, and if she sees her boyfriend a couple of times a week. Frankly, I'm relieved she made it through first lockdown alive, as she has admitted she was having suicidal thoughts. She's suffered enough I think.

Also maybe people think it's ridiculous that their teen isnt allowed to socialise with friends they see for 7 hours a day, while 900 people a day were allowed into the country from part of the world where a new variant was spiralling out of control. Like you say its easier to follow the rules when you think everyone else is, it's more likely people will think 'fuck you' if they're being asked to make sacrifices by people that are still making stupid decisions that will cause them to make those sacrifices for longer than needed

I couldn’t give a toss about the rules anymore. I’d rather be dead from COVID than this miserable existence so I can’t blame any teenager or their parents!!

We are following the rules and I haven't let my teenagers have their friends over, even in the garden.
However I do feel for them and all teenagers as they really have had a shitty deal. Lack of social interaction with friends and family, lack of sports clubs, messed up education so I don't blame parents for giving in and letting them see their friends now.
I personally won't allow it until me and my husband have had the second jab. I'm high risk and take enough chances working and having the kids at nursery and school. I'm probably a bit over cautious.

Mine aren’t teenagers but my children have been having their best friends over for weeks, and going to theirs too. They play together al day at school, hug as soon as they see each other so I don’t see the harm anymore. Otherwise we’ve stuck to it throughout but now the children need to catch up with their friends.

If they’re together at school, and parents are vaccinated, what is the risk really? They are all being tested regularly as well. It’s been so hard for teenagers - with the real common sense risks small at the moment I couldn’t get worked up about this. Obviously different if you live in an area where the variant is spreading/cases are rising.

Have no regrets letting DD have her BF over. He is from an unhappy home and needed the respite, she struggles with MH and needed the stability and support. I genuinely think she would not be here had we not made some concessions. The mental health of young people is suffering massively.

@chocolateforeverymeal

Well, seems I'm the idiot, then. Off to consider why I bothered.

The law changes in less than 48 hours.

What difference do you think a few days will make?

It isn't the last few days. It is the genuine sacrifice of the last few months. My mental health, and that if a fair few family members has been shit. And there those folk were just deciding they knew best. I didn't mind when we were in it together. Feels crap to know we weren't. And of course, thee are exceptions. There are other people for whom it was a bit tricky. Loads of them.

"as if it's easy for the mugs who follow rules"

It's on you OP if you want to be made to feel like a fool. You need to own that decision, you decided to feel that way. Unless you were really only doing "the right thing" for social credit you thought it earned you.

No need to huff off OP, by following rules you've been protecting yourself too.

We've hardly gone out - supermarket once a week and my mum at a distance - to protect us, not others.

Honestly? I fail to see why my teen cannot have friend round to the house who she sees all day in college. But equally I have no issue with her having friends round who she doesn’t go to college with. I’m vaccinated, so is my husband, she’s young, she’s not CV, nor are her friends. The risk to her MH is far greater.

Yes if they are at school all-day together and walking home together etc then really ....

And then people wonder why it’s spreading again.

@chocolateforeverymeal

It isn't the last few days. It is the genuine sacrifice of the last few months. My mental health, and that if a fair few family members has been shit. And there those folk were just deciding they knew best. I didn't mind when we were in it together. Feels crap to know we weren't. And of course, thee are exceptions. There are other people for whom it was a bit tricky. Loads of them.

From what you've said, these people were people who made different decisions to you as what was best for their family/children.

We've never 'all been in it together'. As pp says, her daughters were working in supermarkets continually exposed throughout.

And there have been threads about 'rule breakers' since last March.

And I would call having a teenage son or daughter attempt suicide is way beyond the realms of things being a 'bit tricky' tbh.

You made decisions from a place of good faith and doing the right thing. So did they. You made different decisions but that doesn't mean they were motivated by different things.

You are free from this very moment to change your mind and make different decisions. Or wait two days.

Either way, it doesn't seem that finger pointing does much for anyone's mental health.

mine hasn't had anyone round but They have getting on for 150 of them in the common room at times so I can't say I'd have a problem if one of them came round the house

Yes if they are at school all-day together and walking home together etc then really ....

Exactly. When the kids were being homeschooled, most people we know were not letting their kids mix, but as soon as they were told to send them back to school, they allowed the see their friends outside of school. I don’t think it really increases the risk but the benefits for the kids were massive.

Who are we still trying to protect here? All the most vulnerable categories should have been offered a vaccine. We need to start living our lives again at some point.

I'm waiting for the 17th because I'm a "them's the rules" type of person, but I can't get excited about two days.

It isn't the last few days. It is the genuine sacrifice of the last few months.

But teenagers have sacrificed things too. Why are you getting so worked up about them seeing friends 48 hours before they're "allowed" to?

From Feb I don't know anyone fully following the rules. The kids especially. All my daughters friends have been staying at each other's houses overnight. My daughter hasn't as she has a PT job. They are on the school bus together, in school and class together so what's the point keeping them apart....utter waste of time. And if the lockdown gets extended I will ignore it now as it is utter madness

I let them meet out and about and in the garden. But I know social distancing isn't happening. This is probably why most schools will be sticking to face masks in school time rather than relaxing that in line with the latest guidance. But I guess that's on the teens for not being able to stand back. It irritates me but as I and husband are vaccinated and we don't visit anyone anyway then we are letting it slide.