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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stuck in the car park AIBU?

369 replies

CindersCatsSister · 15/05/2021 10:19

Well this is annoying. Just got out of my car at the car park in the (small) town centre and noticed in the car next to me a child, looks to be about 4 or 5, by themselves. Quite happily reading a book but all alone. I thought oh I’ll just hang on here until his parent gets back but it’s been 15 fucking mins now and I’ve got shit to do. But I want to keep an eye on him in case (of what, I don’t know). Am I being (too much of) a busybody?

OP posts:
bendmeoverbackwards · 15/05/2021 13:20

@SmidgenofaPigeon

But what ‘difficultly’ was the child in, *@bendmeoverbackwards*?
None on this occasion. But you don’t know that. Suppose a child was in danger and an adult didn’t intervene? You would never forgive yourself.
Cccc1111 · 15/05/2021 13:21

@summersolstice43 & @SmidgenofaPigeon I really don’t care what you believe.

MintyMabel · 15/05/2021 13:22

Suppose a child was in danger and an adult didn’t intervene?

Suppose there was an earthquake or the car got hit by lightning 😱

bendmeoverbackwards · 15/05/2021 13:22

@MintyMabel

When it comes to child safely, much better to overreact than under react.

This kind of cliched bullshit winds me up.

The child was fine, the risk was low. How much better for the child would it have been if the OP had done as was advised, called the police who turned up and took her for questioning, contacting social services, only to have everything eventually dismissed because there was nothing risky about what she had done and no signs of neglect?

Over reaction has consequences for children too.

I’m not saying that calling the police was the right course of action. I’m not exactly what what the right approach would be. It’s the attitude I am questioning - not your business, don’t be a busybody etc.
SmidgenofaPigeon · 15/05/2021 13:23

@bendmeoverbackwards but they weren’t Confused it’s not the situation described here. Just because I wouldn’t make a big drama out of a child quietly reading in a car, doesn’t mean I’d turn a blind eye to a child walking too close to a railway track or being bundled in the back of a van.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 15/05/2021 13:24

@Cccc1111 did you understand Dracula at five though? You’re 5, how on earth are you actually advanced enough to understand the themes of Dracula?

NoMLMbots · 15/05/2021 13:29

At age 4 or 5 years old 15 minutes is a long time.

kowari · 15/05/2021 13:29

Does it even matter if a child reads a book and don't fully understand the themes? Unless they are studying it for A level English? You can enjoy a book at 5, and reread the same book at 10 and get much more out of it, but nothing has been lost by reading it the first time.

Dizzywizz · 15/05/2021 13:30

[quote SmidgenofaPigeon]@Cccc1111 did you understand Dracula at five though? You’re 5, how on earth are you actually advanced enough to understand the themes of Dracula?[/quote]
Why does that matter? Are you not allowed to read books if you don’t understand the themes? You can still enjoy them, and go back to them later. I have to say though I’m not sure how interesting or entertaining that book would be at that age.

wellwellwellhereweare · 15/05/2021 13:31

@sumpplneedshaking

You were definitely being a busy body. You didn't leave your kids alone in the car until high school fuck off. You wouldn't leave a 10 year old alone in the car yeah right.

Not your child, not your business unless in real danger.

Jesus. Parent of the year award right there. Confused

SmidgenofaPigeon · 15/05/2021 13:34

@Dizzywizz of course but then if I’d simply thumbed through a copy able to read the words, but not understand what the fuck it meant, because I’m five, I probably wouldn’t brag about it as an adult years later that I’d read Dracula at 5. My mum had a copy of Pride and Prejudice in her bedside table permanently when I was little, I probably had a look through it and read a bit, because I was good at reading, but I wouldn’t go round saying I read Pride and Prejudice when I was 5, because that would be bollocks.

wellwellwellhereweare · 15/05/2021 13:34

You don't leave a dog in the car let alone a child. Why take the risk?

It's my job to keep my child safe and this isn't the way.

GreyStep · 15/05/2021 13:35

@Shoxfordian

It’s not your business so go about your day
Well aren’t you the caring kind.

Would you leave a 4 year old at home on its own? No. Then you don’t leave them for at least 30mins in a car. They let hand breaks off, or someone sees them and knocks on the window and tells them mummy sent them and of course they’ll open the door to a stranger.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 15/05/2021 13:37

@kowari

Does it even matter if a child reads a book and don't fully understand the themes? Unless they are studying it for A level English? You can enjoy a book at 5, and reread the same book at 10 and get much more out of it, but nothing has been lost by reading it the first time.
It doesn’t ‘matter’, no, but it’s a bit pointless to read something if you’re not actually able to understand it. There are lots of books that would still be considered advanced for a 5 year old that have considerably more child friendly themes (The Hobbit, Black Beauty, Little Women...). If I saw a 5 year old reading Dracula I would assume that they had been given it by a parent so that parent could show off that their son or daughter was reading it or they had stolen it from a parent’s bookshelf! It’s got some very adult themes but actually most of it would probably go over the head of a 5 year old. Because they wouldn’t actually understand what they were reading Wink
BelleBlueBell · 15/05/2021 13:37

Ooh, get you @ArnoJambonsBike , so cool and edgy with your stupid comment. Did you think that up all by yourself?

Blossomtoes · 15/05/2021 13:37

@NinjaJunkie

I was often left in the car at that age with a book - preferred it to being dragged around the shops.

Told not to unlock the doors for anyone. Did as I was told.

Nothing happened

Me too. If the doors are locked, what’s the danger?
Cccc1111 · 15/05/2021 13:39

@SmidgenofaPigeon I understood all the words perfectly. Big chunks of it yeah understanding the concept of what was happening was totally fine.

But there were some of the bits about relationships etc that I understood the concepts on a really basic level. But found trying to fully follow the theme of those parts heavy going. But I just persevered through those, and tried, until it got back to concepts I could more easily understand again. Because through those big chunks of it I could easier follow, I really really enjoyed the story. It did take me quite a while to finish reading the book.

I know it’s a weird choice of book for a little kid to read, but I was born in the v early 80’s, parents were more lax in what they let their kids do or read back in those days!

kowari · 15/05/2021 13:41

You can understand and enjoy things at different levels. It's not pointless if the child wants to read it, I'm sure they'd quickly give up if they were getting nothing out of it. There are many things aimed at adults in children's films, that go straight over the head of young children.

emilyfrost · 15/05/2021 13:42

YANBU but you underreacted and should have rung 101.

This mother neglected her child and should be held accountable for it. You don’t know what other parenting responsibilities she’s being lax about if she thinks this is okay.

I would have time stamped a photo of the child when I first noticed them, one when she eventually returned and got the number plate too so if the police arrived after she’d gone they’d have the minimum time the child had been left alone for and a way to contact them.

wellwellwellhereweare · 15/05/2021 13:42

As an aside. During work years ago a very senior police officer gave me his take on child abusers from years of experience. It was brutal but helpful.

Basically It's like most crime, you can't stop it so you make your child (like property for a house breaker) less accessible so the criminal chooses another house to burgle or child to abuse.

Always stayed with me and something I've followed. So those leaving your children in cars, you've moved your child further down the chain of potential abuse.

RampantIvy · 15/05/2021 13:45

@Shoxfordian

It’s not your business so go about your day
Seriously? Hmm
SmidgenofaPigeon · 15/05/2021 13:46

@Cccc1111 I am totally amazed that at 5 you understood all the words in Dracula perfectly! ‘Zoophagus’, ‘subcutaneous’, and ‘phlegmatic’- just a small sample of some of the vocabulary included in Dracula...

RampantIvy · 15/05/2021 13:49

@sumpplneedshaking

You were definitely being a busy body. You didn't leave your kids alone in the car until high school fuck off. You wouldn't leave a 10 year old alone in the car yeah right.

Not your child, not your business unless in real danger.

What a nasty post Hmm
SofiaMichelle · 15/05/2021 13:51

@UnluckyMe

Yeh because child welfare is the same as a fence issue. Good comparison.

WTF has my post got to do with child welfare???

Absolutely nothing.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 15/05/2021 13:51

@kowari Yes there are some jokes and things in children’s films that go over their heads, but if the entire film went over their heads they might not enjoy it very much. That was my point. Dracula has got such detail and adult themes (plus a lot of very Victorian vocabulary) that I don’t think there is much point to a child that young reading it. It might develop their vocabulary (if they had a dictionary or an adult to help them understand the meaning of unfamiliar words) but their are lots of other books that could help do that and further develop their comprehension too.

But this is not the point of the thread, so I will stop now!

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