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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do others cope with a snoring partner?

92 replies

shortbreadinthehighlands · 15/05/2021 07:06

I’m really struggling with being up for hours in the middle of the night Sad

OP posts:
JustLyra · 15/05/2021 09:14

My ex didn’t see the big issue with his snoring. Refused to try any over the counter remedies Le to see his doctor until I woke him up each and every time and within a week he saw my point.

Lou98 · 15/05/2021 09:26

Weight loss is a myth, both my DP and my dad are healthy weight (dad is near underweight if anything) and they are the worst snorers I have ever encountered!

It depends on why they snore - my DP isn't usually much of a snorer but his weight can fluctuate and whenever he's put on some pounds his snoring gets really bad but as soon as he loses the weight again it stops

RampantIvy · 15/05/2021 09:32

@dementedpixie

He gets checked for sleep apnoea Total game changer for dh and he no longer snores. He has to wear a CPAP mask but it's nice and quiet
It's the same for us. DH had a silent stroke due to his sleep apnoea. He was having 50 episodes an hour of stopping breathing, and I can tell you it is horrific to listen to. His consultant is baffled as to why he has it as he is underweight. When I used to go with him to the sleep clinic he was the only patient in the waiting oom who wasn't overweight.

Please can I entreat anyone who snores or whose partner snores to see their GP. Sleep apnoea is dangerous, not just because of the stroke/heart attack risks, but they may not be safe to drive.

GPs take snoring and sleep apnoea much more seriously these days.

It is telling that in the days when you could fly abroad on holiday, and DH used to take his CPAP machine on board a flight that security never batted an eyelid because they see so many.

PhilCornwall1 · 15/05/2021 09:39

Weight loss is a myth, both my DP and my dad are healthy weight (dad is near underweight if anything) and they are the worst snorers I have ever encountered!

You are right. It always makes me laugh when I read "tell them to lose weight". I snore like a bastard sometimes, but was reliably informed by a nurse this week that I'm under weight.

TirisfalPumpkin · 15/05/2021 09:45

Divorce.

Or separate rooms. I've never found ear plugs that a committed snorer couldn't snore through, and tbh why should I put stuff in my ears? I'm not the one causing the problem.

Sleeping in one bed is for peasants, anyway. Noble ladies of the past used to have their own chamber. You can still do marital activities if you want to, then retreat to your own quiet, clean, snore-free paradise.

soupmaker · 15/05/2021 09:52

I had this problem. It really came to a head when DC2 was on the way. DH always been a snorer but it got a lot worse. I would go to bed first to get to sleep before him. When DC2 was born and I was BF he did go and sleep in the spare room but that was only ever going to be a short term solution as room was needed for DC2. DH was never over weight but he went to GP and they looked at his tonsils and said they were the issue. He had them out within months. Turns out they were absolutely massive. Surgeon said he never seen such big ones. Hey presto, no more snoring.

TwoZeroTwoZero · 15/05/2021 10:05

Bluetooth sleeping mask with built in headphones. I listen to thunderstorms on YouTube overnight and, although I can hear snoring, I listen to the storm instead and it doesn't annoy me as much.

RampantIvy · 15/05/2021 10:09

Drowning out the snoring isn't the answer. The answer is to discover why the snorer is snoring and deal with that.

skirk64 · 15/05/2021 10:09

Weight loss is a myth, both my DP and my dad are healthy weight (dad is near underweight if anything) and they are the worst snorers I have ever encountered!

Agreed. My ex snored incredibly loudly. He lost about 30kg to get down to a healthy BMI and the snoring got worse!

pooonastick · 15/05/2021 10:11

Just a bit of medical advice. Snoring is multifactorial . Causes can include blocked nose, deviated septum , large turbinates , tonsils , poor muscle tone in the pharynx and lower jaw being further back than average. There are other causes. Weight can affect some but not all.
First port of call is to see GP who should discuss lifestyle factors and arrange a sleep test - this is usually done at home. The results should next step decision which may be ENT referral , dentist or C pap. As previous posters have pointed out poor sleep quality raises risk of high BP , stroke and falling asleep at the wheel.

RampantIvy · 15/05/2021 10:12

The weight loss isn't a myth for most snorers. There are exceptions, DH being one, but most snorers are overweight. That's why the first advice from health professionals is to lose weight. I know that enlarged tonsils can be a cause, and there are others, but obesity is the most common reason for snoring.

Theforest · 15/05/2021 10:13

I have worn earplugs for years and years - through 2 baby/ child years. You always hear them.

2012BestEver · 15/05/2021 10:26

Separate rooms.

Schrutesbeets · 15/05/2021 10:29

Dh sleeps on the sofa. We don't have a spare room otherwise we would definitely just have separate rooms.
His snoring is directly linked to him smoking which is why he takes the sofa, not me.
Most youngish, healthy people shouldn't snore though. Is your partner overweight, a smoker, or drinker? If he's upset about separate rooms then he needs to address his snoring and make changes... Or he should take the sofa.

lockdownalli · 15/05/2021 10:29

Separate rooms is the best way to resolve.

Boo hoo he gets upset. It's that or you don't sleep. How selfish is he?

user1471464702 · 15/05/2021 10:29

As above separate rooms bliss try it !!

Nanny0gg · 15/05/2021 10:33

@shortbreadinthehighlands

I can’t see it being resolved, to be honest! Arghh.
That's up to you. You can move rooms if you choose to
thebakeoffwasntasgoodthisyear · 15/05/2021 10:39

Oh I feel your pain! I’m heavily pregnant too so it’s making it extra difficult to cope with. I wake DH each time it wakes me up, and it usually stops temporarily if he turns over on his side. When he previously lost weight it did improve, but didn’t completely stop. I think we will go down the separate rooms path - we have a study on a different floor so might get a sofa bed or turn it into another bedroom.

thebakeoffwasntasgoodthisyear · 15/05/2021 10:41

I should add, despite DH being an arse sometimes, he always offers to sleep on the sofa.

LannieDuck · 15/05/2021 11:08

@shortbreadinthehighlands

I know I want separate rooms but he gets upset when I mention it. Ear plugs possibly but worried about not being able to hear dc. What a bloody mess Sad
He doesn't want separate rooms? What does he suggest then?
DrMadelineMaxwell · 15/05/2021 11:12

I was nearly ready to kill dh or leave him 2 years ago to the ridiculous noise of his snoring. He also got upset by the thought of me wanting to sleep elsewhere but it was a moot point anyway as our sofa isnt comfy enough to sleep on due to its shape and we have no spare rooms.

Totally separately, he got a diagnosis of t2 diabetes and went on a diet. He was v overweight and his snoring had got worse as he got larger.
He lost the first stone of the 8 stone he went on to lose and now no longer snores. I had to keep checking he was still alive at first, as I was so unused to him sleeping silently.

Unsure33 · 15/05/2021 12:24

Soft expanding earplugs . Then if really bad I have luckily another bed to move into always made up .

DaphneDuBois · 15/05/2021 12:28

Separate rooms. It’s all very well fir him not wanting them but he’s the one who is sound asleep snoring and not suffering. Sleep is an absolute basic requirement - if you can’t sleep, something has to change.

Tell him you’ll be banging pan lids together until he wakes up every time he snores. Also, you’ll be banging them every time it looks like he’s about to drift off into sleep. Will he be up for that? No. Exactly. A month of that and he’d soon understand what being repeatedly woken / kept awake by snoring does to your sanity.

Imafraidimnotmyself · 15/05/2021 12:31

I won't use ear plugs as worried I won't hear DS, and we don't have a spare room. The only way it works for us is if I go up to bed way before DH so I'm in a deep sleep when he comes up, then if he wakes me he gets a nudge which stops him for long enough for me to drift back off!

billy1966 · 15/05/2021 12:34

It is beyond selfish to think that this can go on.

OP, without drama, prolonged lack of sleep can lead to low mood, and depression.

I would consider myself a very strong fit woman, mentally and otherwise, but when I went through a period of being woken between 1-5pm by my youngest for 18 months, it really tested me.

In my case my child woke up and chatted and sang to herself and then woke my husband and me.

Nearly killed the two of us.

Sleep is crucial.
He's snoring, he needs to move to the spare room.

Don't even think of having another child until this is sorted.

He is too selfish not to be putting you first.
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