How do others cope with a snoring partner?

[shortbreadinthehighlands]

I’m really struggling with being up for hours in the middle of the night

I know I want separate rooms but he gets upset when I mention it

Tough titties!! He prefers you not to get a decent night's sleep then so he isn't upset? What a selfish arsehole.

OP, I used to use earplugs, but like you, once we had children I never felt safe wearing them.

I always start off in the same bed as my partner, but will move to the spare room in the middle of the night if I’m disturbed. I had many years when we didn’t have a spare room, so I know exactly how exhausting sleeping with a snorer is!

He gets checked for sleep apnoea
Total game changer for dh and he no longer snores. He has to wear a CPAP mask but it's nice and quiet

I wear earplugs and still hear DD through her monitor fine. Been doing so for a good year now and the best decision I ever made. I used to be up for hours in tears because I couldn't sleep and we don't have the space for an extra bed in our house so separate beds wasn't an option.

You will hear DC cry out. It doesn't make everything silent just muffled. I can still hear DH snore a bit when he's loud but I can sleep through it when I have them in.

I do the jab and roll technique.He snores if he's not on his right hand side.

Separate rooms, no other way!
Ear plugs don't work if you have children still waking in the night, plus they don't stop the vibrations of a snorer.
Best thing we ever did was sleep separately.

I think the anger you feel at their seflishness, self pity (boohoo I want you to sleep with me because you are handy for a shag I love you) putting themselves first adds greatly to the liklihood that you won't sleep.
If DH said my restlessness/ snoring whatever disturbed him I would offer to sleep elsewhere, move to different room without a thought.
But it was years before I decided I want to sleep on my own to avoid his snoring and movements disturbing me (he is much bigger and heavier). Even now I move to another room in the middle of the night rather than sleep separately as he wants me to sleep with him.
I should have done this years ago.

My dh sought medical help and he was told to lose weight. He didn't, and so if he is having a bad night I wake him up and he sleeps on a mattress in the hall. He won't give up his daily takeaway for work lunch so I won't give up my night sleep and he understands that is fair.

Most nights the really expensive wax ear plugs work. Its only the nights when the bed is vibrating like a washing machine I wake up and have to kick him out. Usually it is only that bad if hes had a beer or two.

Separate rooms for us. I was a bit upset at the idea (and he’s the snorer!) but it’s so much better for both of us.

Weight loss isn't a total myth. I definitely have a threshold where I stop snoring. Doesn't make it a magic cure all but if you're overweight and keeping your partner awake with your snoring it's a reasonable thing to at least try

Luckily mine only snores if he is on his back. So a quick shove and he rolls over and it all goes quiet again. However, some nights he is like a snoring stealth ninja and before I've dropped back off again he is back on his back!

Some nights i fixate on it and get anxious about it-catastrophising about how its going to keep me awake. But if i relax and dont think about it too much and stay calm we manage ok.

I actually feel sorry for him as he hates the thought of disturbing my sleep and is embarrassed

Separate rooms or the sofa.

Don't give in to emotional black mail.

They cant pile on the guilt abjut separate rooms whike simultaneously refusing to stop smoking drinking or to lose weight or whatever else that makes snoring worse.

My ex slept on the sofa. I could still hear him through the floor but it was better than putting up with it in the bed.

He needs to get over himself amd stop being so selfish

I move to the sofa if it gets really bad. Usually the jab and turn technique works.

Separate rooms. Life changing.

I would have no respect for a man 2ho was selfish enough to whinge about not being able to keep me awake half the night.

My dh was mortified at the impact his snoring had. Prior to us living in a big enough house for separate rooms, he tried everything to stop his snoring. Including a neck brace. Of all the things he tried, this worked best.

Not as good as separate rooms though.

Sorry but why are you accepting this? You’ve got a baby and so you’re already sleep deprived. Now you’re putting up with being awake for hours because of his snoring because if you sleep elsewhere he’ll be upset?? That’s crazy.

What on earth has made you think he and how he feels is so much more important than you?

Also - does he not wake up when the baby wakes? Does he do any night wakings with baby?

I know I want separate rooms but he gets upset when I mention it.

Well and you get upset because you don't sleep. Stand up for yourself.

Separate bedrooms are the best. He snores, though very little now, and i rotate all night and keep moving. We are absolutely incompatible when it comes to sleep. We are great together in everything else though

Separate rooms ... what is it with grown up men (& some women) that they need to with their partner all night, so needy and clingy - there's another thread about a DH needing 'cuddles' . Just be firm, non negotiable

Has he said why he’d be upset if you were in separate rooms for sleeping? What is it he feels he’d be missing out on? Ask him to articulate it clearly and then see if that is more important than you getting some actual sleep for your well-being.

We tried many thing over the years, some of which helped for a bit some of which didn’t.
In the end we have to sleep separately, my sleep is too precious.
He still gets a bit weird about it on occasion but I just tell him not to dare make me feel bad for wanting a proper nights sleep and remind him that it’s not my fault. It’s not really his either but our relationship wouldn’t survive if I had to carry on listening to him night after night.
If you have the space, sleep elsewhere.

A shove here! Or a vigorous shake. He doesn't wake up but will flail a bit and roll over.

Otherwise stand up for yourself and sleep in another room.

Also has he done anything proactive to work out why he snores and to fix it?

I have to give my husband his due, he tried bloody hard to solve his snoring, with erratic success.

I also recommend recording him and making him listen to the noise.
Wake him each and every time he starts, then he might appreciate how difficult the sleep is.

Separate rooms here as well. We are going away for a few days next week to a hotel that is costing £££ so no chance of two rooms but I brought some Bose Sleep Buds for our holidays last year which were then cancelled so I haven’t had a chance to try them properly. Have used them alone but the BIG test is being in the same bed.

The buds work by playing crackles, leaf rustling, shower spray etc using a app.

They are over £200 but you get desperate don’t you.

I will let you know. Tried, poke and prod, shouting at him, trying to turn him over and various ear plugs. Nothing worked so this is it.

We have separate rooms, if that’s an option for you then that’s the way forward

It upsets you to not get enough sleep op
Think about yourself

Any snoring man who isn’t happy with the idea of separate rooms and is happy for his partner to lie awake for hours every night whilst he sleeps is a selfish pig in my eyes.

And so fucking what if he doesn’t like the idea of it OP, is he the boss of you? Because if you’re afraid to do something for the benefit of your health because “he won’t like it” then I think you’ve got bigger problems in your marriage then the snoring.