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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my 9 year old really doesn’t need a phone or whatsapp

61 replies

Urbanhymngirl · 15/05/2021 07:05

My 9 year old came back from school yesterday saying that lots of the kids in the class have a whats app group and phones and is feeling left out! My older child was 11 before they had a phone & I was following the same pattern here- even 11 seemed too young at the time for whatsapp to be honest.

Aibu to think it’s just getting younger and younger? Or am I out of touch? My 9 year old still plays with toys and I want to let them be young for a bit longer!!

OP posts:
Darbs76 · 15/05/2021 07:09

I hate those class what’s app groups. I removed it from my daughters phone in year 6 due to the content. She was happy to get rid of it and didn’t realise she could have that chat removed from her what’s app. I’m not surprised kids that young have it though, it is getting younger and younger. My son was 11 when we got his first phone, but my daughter was younger. She never has class chats now, just one with her friends. So yes I’d hold out longer; or if you do get a phone make it on the condition you’ll be reading the chat.

A friend of mine had to report a safeguarding issue on her year 6 daughters what app chat the other week. A boy had actually ejaculated into his hand and put a photo of that on! Apparently his father was angry someone had reported it as a safeguarding concern.

Doona · 15/05/2021 07:13

I've said 12 for phones. I don't even care if they're the last to get them.

Original poster
Urbanhymngirl · 15/05/2021 07:16

My now 14 year old ironically uses his phone mostly to watch TV and to chat while gaming so isn’t that bothered about it but does occasionally get upset if he feels he’s being ignored on WhatsApp. I just feel 9 is WAY too young!

OP posts:
OnlyheretovoteonAIBU · 15/05/2021 07:29

@Darbs76 WTAF Shock

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 15/05/2021 07:34

I have a 9yo, he doesn’t have a phone and I don’t think most of his peers do. He does chat a bit with some friends via Roblox and Minecraft so I can see that whatsapp is sort of a similar social thing, except that DS’ gaming is all squeezed into a single hour per day so not the same as an often-available whatsapp.

I’ve said 10-11 for a phone (ie when he is walking home alone) but warned him that may well just be a brick for basic texts and calls...

SpringBluebellWoods · 15/05/2021 07:35

If your 9yo walks places by themselves then a phone is a good safety precaution. But WhatsApp is not necessary (my 9yo communicates by text to me and granny) and I’ve switched off all the smartphone functions as well (no camera, internet browser, can’t download apps etc).

audweb · 15/05/2021 07:38

My 8 year old has WhatsApp. She has a list of contacts of people that she’s knows and she used it during lockdown to video call her friends, and her dad and brother who we don’t live with. I check it every day but there’s never been anything to worry about. She would video call her friends and play games at the same time.

So no, there’s no “need” but it’s been fine for us. And she still plays with her toys as well. During lockdown her and her friends would build dens in their own rooms and video call and chat the whole time. I thought it was lovely.

Nectarines · 15/05/2021 07:44

I teach 9 and 10 year olds and WhatsApp has caused major issues with the children.

There are problems with unkind messages, leaving others out, harassing each other with incessant messages, the list goes on.

I was sent screen shots of a group chat. I didn’t refer to the content or children involved, but when I told them I’d seen some of the things they’d said in chats, they were mortified. They just didn’t understand the implications that once something has been sent you can’t take it back.

I have had police in to discuss cyber bullying etc but really the only way to stop it is to realise that the children are absolutely nowhere near mature enough to use their phones like this.

Original poster
Urbanhymngirl · 15/05/2021 07:46

@Nectarines thanks, that backs up what I have experienced with my older child too and that’s why I am so reluctant. I was surprised that 9 year olds were allowed a whatsapp group to be honest!

OP posts:
Babymeanswashing · 15/05/2021 07:47

I think it’s difficult because of lockdown. I’d have normally said no earlier than secondary but I might have revised this in light of the last year.

Original poster
Urbanhymngirl · 15/05/2021 07:48

My 9 year old did face time her friends during lockdown & that has been fine. WhatsApp feels a different thing to be honest!

OP posts:
Original poster
Urbanhymngirl · 15/05/2021 07:49

Apart from anything, the age limit is 16 so even my 14 year old is pushing it!

OP posts:
MilkWasABadChoice · 15/05/2021 07:55

9 is just too young imho. I know parents have different ideas about this, and I’m certain my 10yo DD wants a phone, but it’s just too young. And not necessary.

SuperMonkeys · 15/05/2021 07:56

We agreed that the transition year to high school would be phone year. Dd now has an old phone and does have WhatsApp, but removed herself from the big chats as they were annoying. (Her words).

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 15/05/2021 07:56

I think it really blew up in lockdown as a way to keep in touch with friends/classmates and still play together and have some form of social interaction.

Some of DD's friends use their parents phones as a way to control screen time and keep an eye on what is going on.

To be honest , if children have access to FaceTime and a messaging app on their device anyways, having WhatsApp won't make a difference. The same things , good or bad can happen on both. So objecting just on principle doesn't make sense as group chats,group calls, messages and pics can be done just as easily on an ipad.

SuperMonkeys · 15/05/2021 07:58

I should add that I work in yrs 4 and 5, I would say that probably 4 out of 30 have a phone in yr 4, and 20 odd out of 30 in yr 5. It causes no end of problems, in the main because the majority seem to have no parental controls or oversight.

Dd for hers just recently, end of yr 6. She was definitely one of the last, but has a few friends who won't be getting one until the summer.

ShakespearesSisters · 15/05/2021 08:01

My nine year old is desperate for her own phone. She has been using an old one of mine for you tube and roblox and also has my messenger account on it so she has been able to video call her friends which I have a parent as a friend.
Recently and unknown to her I put a sim card in, got a great deal off sky so worked out at 50p a month. I've just told her mummy has worked out a way to give her her own profile on WhatsApp. She literally has me, DH, nanny, grandad, granny and grandad. She is loving to be able to contact them independently.
She doesn't realise she has a fully functioning phone as she still wants a sim card to go n it for her next birthday.

Stokey · 15/05/2021 08:06

I think 9 is too young. My 11 year old has an old phone but no What's App. Hey friends all use Google hangouts which they can use on computers and tablets to talk while playing Roblox. When they're out, she uses texts.

Butteredtoast55 · 15/05/2021 08:10

Completely agree with @Nectarines
Children that age should not have Whats App and, despite what they tell their parents, most don't. I really wish parents felt confident enough to say no and stop this stupid cycle of getting things because the children pressure them into it, but which they don't need and don't have the maturity to handle.

Butteredtoast55 · 15/05/2021 08:12

@urbanhymngirl When you say you are surprised that 9 year olds are 'allowed' to have a Whats App group, who do you think has 'allowed' them? (not a confrontational question at all, just curious)

supermoonrising · 15/05/2021 08:13

The rise and rise of surveillance capitalism. In a few years every major corporation in the world will have our fingerprints, Face ID, parental occupation, income, and track our every movement on a map from the moment we enter primary school.

birdglasspen · 15/05/2021 08:13

9 is too young. Other parents just can't say no to their children or somehow think phones, what's app etc are fine, they aren't.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 15/05/2021 08:15

@Stokey

I think 9 is too young. My 11 year old has an old phone but no What's App. Hey friends all use Google hangouts which they can use on computers and tablets to talk while playing Roblox. When they're out, she uses texts.
How is that different from WhatsApp?

Btw, I agree that a child doesn't NEED a phone or WhatsApp, but how is messaging and videocalls on a different platform/device that different from having WhatsApp?

Lorw · 15/05/2021 08:16

In my opinion too young. My SS was 10 when he first got a phone and had real trouble with bullies, whenever they were blocked kids would just make new accounts etc, even kids he didn’t know would get involved. It was sad and I think knocked his confidence a lot, lots of tears and stress, school wouldn’t do anything. He’s now 12 and doesn’t bother with a phone anymore.

Iceniii · 15/05/2021 08:16

DD 9 has an old phone of ours, with the camera and Duo on. She uses it to message her brothers (26 & 24) and grandparents only. We run it thought a proxy so she can't get anywhere else on it.

During lockdown we both WFH and she was the only child in the house getting lonely. Don't regret it at all.

She also has a laptop where she researches subjects (ran via proxy controls), codes, follows some hacker higher school stuff and plays Roblox with brothers.

I was cometely against tech having seen her brothers be obsessed by it but did a complete u turn during lockdown. I'm also realising that actually I want her to understand the cyber world fully.