To not be in bed when DH wakes up?

[Aw273]

I’m an early riser, DH prefers a lie in at the weekend. I like to go downstairs, have breakfast and watch TV when I wake up at about 6:30, while DH would sleep til 11 if he could. DH complains every time about me being gone so we can’t cuddle in the morning. I tell him every time just to let me know when he’s awake and I’ll come back up. This is usually what happens, but the constant guilt trip and need to have this conversation every single weekend annoys me. AIBU?

Add to that we now have a co-sleeping DS who will sleep until 9:30 if I’m not there, but will wake up early if the milk machine is still next to him and spoil DH’s chances of a lie in at all, but the situation has been going on long before that!

Does he expect you to just lie awake until he wakes up?!

That is madness. If you are awake at 6.30 no way can you be expected to stay in bed until 11. I would be tempted to make a coffee at about 10.45 and bring it up to greet him but you have a ds too so potentially difficult to snuggle anyway if he is awake.

Umm! Wake him when you wake up, say cuddle time is now, then get in a massive snit if he doesn’t like this because what kind of unreasonable partner doesn’t cuddle on demand?!! Then you can have a revelation- OH I get it. You think I should be available to cuddle when suits you but you don’t have to do anything to suit me, I guess I don’t count? Next weekend morning cuddles are when you can remember I’m a person too here.

He is being unreasonable. As a fellow early riser I love being up before everyone else and having a coffee and taking the dog for a walk. If I had to lay in bed until 9.30 or 11 I would be so bored. But I am jealous your son lays in until 9.30. My daughter is 6 and we have had a handful of times where it’s been just pay 7 🤔. Anyway, your husband is definitely the unreasonable one.

He's being hugely unreasonable. We take it in turns here because neither of us is an early riser. One gets up with DS and the other gets a lovely lie in. Also I love having the bed to myself for a bit, I get to stretch out like a wee starfish.

Cuddle in the morning I assume means sex or at the very least a blow job for him.
Tell him to get stuffed.

Tell him you can't cuddle him because of his morning breath. Of course he's being unreasonable!

I'm presuming DS is a baby because chances are those 11am lie ins will have to end at some point. We've got swimming class at 8.10am this morning.....

There are a lot of man haters on MN!
I suggest that you leave this as a minor bone of contention in your relationship, he is being a little unreasonable and it must be mildly annoying. He is not being “hugely unreasonable” and please don’t tell him
to “ get stuffed”.

It's lovely that he wants a cuddle in the morning but utterly ridiculous to expect you to lie in bed until he wakes up, he can't have it both ways. My dh works really early mornings (2am) so we don't go to bed together or wake up together! We have to take it in turns to adjust our sleep patterns just to have sex

@Temp023

There are a lot of man haters on MN! I suggest that you leave this as a minor bone of contention in your relationship, he is being a little unreasonable and it must be mildly annoying. He is not being “hugely unreasonable” and please don’t tell him to “ get stuffed”.

It's not "man hating" to think a grown adult should need to stay in bed until their partner wakes up, for that partner to have a cuddle!

Why should an adult need to lie in bed, awake, for 3 - 4 hours, to give their partner a cuddle on waking?! It's ridiculous.

I'm sure OP would be told she is being unreasonable to request that her partner wakes up at 6:30, to give her a cuddle on waking, before she gets up!

@Temp023 the 1950’s are calling you back and away with your “man haters” male apologist sycophantic drivel.

@Taikoo

Cuddle in the morning I assume means sex or at the very least a blow job for him. Tell him to get stuffed.

With a co-sleeping child? I would hope not!

It's not man hating to think it's ridiculous to waste 3.5 hours lying in bed waiting for your husband to wake up so he can have a cuddle. Why are his wishes more important than hers?

@Temp023

There are a lot of man haters on MN! I suggest that you leave this as a minor bone of contention in your relationship, he is being a little unreasonable and it must be mildly annoying. He is not being “hugely unreasonable” and please don’t tell him to “ get stuffed”.

Of course she should tell him to get stuffed.

He's expecting her to lay around until he decides he's ready to wake up so that when he makes that decision he can have a cuddle because he wants one.

I don't hate my friends but when one makes an unreasonable demand and keeps trying to wear me down I tell them to get stuffed too!

He is being extremely odd about this, of course you wouldn't just wait around for him to wake up, you have five hours of being awake before he wakes up!

I don't know how you deal with it because it seems like a small thing but I would be getting pretty fucked off if he kept saying it, because it is such an obviously stupid suggestion.

Have you told him honestly that he is starting to piss you right off?

Similar situation here OP & it drives me insane. There is no way that I can lay in bed all morning. Like you, I enjoy being the first person awake & having the mental space to wake fully before engaging with anyone else. It’s totally unreasonable for your DH to expect you to just lay there, waiting for him to be ready & awake for a cuddle. As a previous poster said, take a coffee to him when he would usually wake & cuddle then. It’s utterly ridiculous that you are expected to wait for permission to get up!

He is being unreasonable as he isn't suggesting that he sets an alarm to wake at 6 am every other Saturday to have a cuddle.

I think he sounds controlling and I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you

Cuddles aren't all down to one partner

Get on with your day. Take your child out to the park, shops etc. Dont wait around for the man child to run your life for you

Why do you feel guilty?
Tell him you'll stay and cuddle if he'll get up at 6.30
on alternative weeks. Thats fair isn't it?

11? And you have a child

All for sharing lie ins but he needs to get up and start the day

He is BU. You might be making him feel lazy and that's why he keeps bringing it up. I'm an early riser and DH likes a lie in until around 9.30 or 10am. I know he would like me in bed for cuddles every now and then but he isn't mentioning it every bloody weekend. That time in the morning is also precious child-free time - I wouldn't give it away for anything!

Turn it on him.

"You're never awake when I wake up and I want a cuddle at 6am"

Then wake him up at 6am for a cuddle.

He got his cuddle. There. Hope he is happy now.

Wake him up now for a cuddle. It's nice and early ;)

Thank you everyone for your comments! I think he’s just got this romantic idea in his head of us both waking up together which just doesn’t work with such different body clocks. I’m going to get him to read this thread and maybe we can put this one to bed once and for all

He sounds very needy!

I'm an early riser (5:42 this morning!). Its my time of day to do whatever the fuck I want with no interruptions whether that's write, read, go for a walk or watch TV.

My hubbie and dd6 (own room) know to call out though when they're waking up as I love the morning snuggles 😍 and I'll get up there.

Maybe that's what this is all about? He loves the morning snuggles! He co-slept until he was 10? Some people are crap at sleeping by themselves!

Just get up when you wake up, if you want to.

I'm usually up at about 3am as I have to get painkillers and a drink. I know I won't sleep if I go back to bed, so I don't. I'm not going to lay in the bed awake.

If I was asked to be there when my OH woke up 3 to 4 hours later, the answer would simply be no.