AIBU to want my flowers!?

[BraveGoldie]

Little dilemma!

I was approached by an organisation to give them some online training in my expert area. Involved about a day of my time. And is something my normal clients would pay a lot of money for. They said they had budget to pay me, but they are a big global organisation that work in a social area I wanted to support (though they are not actually a charity). It's not an area I am particularly passionate about and would seek out to help, but it's worthwhile. I am also employed, and they are not an official client, so charging becomes complicated logistically, though possible. But mainly because they contribute in some way towards a worthy cause, I said no need for payment, but if they wanted to send some flowers after that would be lovely. Organiser said that was very kind of me.

I ran whole thing for them and it went very well. It was actually at a busy time for me, with lots of other commitments, but I put full energy into it to deliver something really quality. They expressed a lot of gratitude. But haven't asked for my address and no sign of flowers. 😔

On one hand I feel silly and petty - I obviously didn't do all that work just to get flowers. I could just go buy flowers for myself. On the other hand I feel a little bit exploited. They got something big and valuable for their whole exec team, I know they have plenty of budget and they haven't done the one thing I indicated would give me a little bit of personal pleasure. They probably just forgot.

Organiser has written asking me to share a summary takeaway document of the training. I will of course share that back with them.... but is there a nice way I can hint at the flowers without sounding petty? Or do I just move on and not be silly?

Thank you!

I'd add something to the feedback, but I'd also spend hours trying to write the one, simple sentence that it needs!

I’d send what they asked if it isn’t too much hassle and say I the email I realise you will need my address to send the flowers so it is...

I've been trying to make myself do that but it feels cheeky somehow! I can't work out if Asking for the flowers would be petty and entitled or just pleasantly reasonable/ assertive.

I think this is something women find hard.... just asking for things for ourselves... I have such a strong desire just to be given something without having to be 'selfish' enough to ask for it.

If I ask for them now I'm probably going to feel guilty when they arrive!

They’ve taken massive advantage of you - lose the angst and mention it ffs!

They’re not going to send you flowers
Charge people for your time properly in future

I've recently had a similar thing happen- but less time on my part.

The guy took my address to 'send me something' and nothing has turned up! IF he does ever call again, I will ask 'what was it you sent, because I never got anything???'

I agree, you should at least include your address and a promp as mentioned above. They are CF to accept your kindness of no payment, and then not even sent the flowers! Likely an admin error, or they planned to send them after the final summary, but still, no harm in pointing it out in an email.

It’s a bit cringe in a professional context to be chasing for flowers. I suspect the person you spoke to didnt actually think you wanted flowers and were just being nice, it’s like saying “buy me a drink sometime”. It’s a way of saying no payment necessary

To be honest, I find it a bit odd you want flowers this much.

Take it as a lesson to charge appropriately for your professional time and expertise in the future.

Not sure how you can ask for flowers without seeming petty tbh

@BraveGoldie handle this as you would any other transactional bill, and don’t feel guilty for the flowers, anymore than you would for getting a paycheque, they are your payment.

“Yes, of course, I will locate that document and email it through to you. I’m glad you found the training so valuable, and of course I’m glad to be able to provide it free of cost, in order to support your charity. I charge between £XX and YY for the same course to non-charitable organisations.

You kindly offered to send me flowers in lieu of payment, and I realise you will need my address to do so. It’s XX.

Looking forward to assisting your team again, should an opportunity arise.

Kind regards,
@BraveGoldie

It’s odd to ask for flowers

It’s not something I’d want or expect any professional to buy another professional

And in that way it seems quite unprofessional

I would have said no payment necessary but some sort of written endorsement would suffice

If you wanted something more tangible I would have suggested you forget about things being logistically challenging and just say what your rate was and send them the invoice for your time

I was going to draft a message but @FollowYourOwnNorthStar has done it perfectly

And if they don’t send the flowers, if the contact again, charge (perhaps a discount?) and buy your own flowers x2!

They probably thought you were joking about the flowers...

Next time charge for your time and then make a separate donation if it’s something you want to support. I doubt many men would have offered to do something free for a big global organisation. You should recognise your worth and charge accordingly.

I agree with bluntness. It's abit weird that you want the flowers so much. You should've just charged them through your employer or not done the work. It's so awkward to ask for them now.

Agree with the above comment.

A man would never forgo payment for a trivial gift. I totally agree with others saying that they thought you weren't serious.

Honestly, next time charge going rate or you will be exploited for your whole life.

It’s a bit cringe in a professional context to be chasing for flowers. I suspect the person you spoke to didnt actually think you wanted flowers and were just being nice, it’s like saying “buy me a drink sometime”. It’s a way of saying no payment necessary

I agree with this op, sorry.

Write off the flowers and take this as a learning experience to not undervalue yourself next time. You can't ask for the flowers now, it'll make for awkwardness and gossip.

Maybe she thought it was just an expression? Someone gave me an old TV recently. When I asked her if she wanted payment, she said “a bag of apples”. I thought it was just an expression. Luckily, I bought the apples because when I went round there she said, “where are my apples?”

I would be a bit hurt though OP, if I was you.

You sound very kind but a bit like a pushover or a wallflower!
Just charge appropriately for your professional work next time, through your employer, or don’t do the work. It would be very odd now to mention the flowers. You declined payment and the flower comment was probably taken into the sense of “Get me a drink sometime” or some other thing we say in these circumstances when we’re not actually expecting something.
Overall a lesson for you to learn to value yourself more and be more assertive.

Are you serious? Send them a bloody invoice. Take yourself seriously. If you don't, why would they?

I don't think they would have heard the flowers request as serious. As above, its like buy me a drink in lieu which usually never happens.

I'd drop it if I were you. It's just flowers.

I get that it's recognition of your work but it will come across as petty. They probably just forgot and you'll just embarrass them by bringing it up.

If you'd wanted a transactional arrangement you should have made it clear from the start.

You're not unreasonable to be miffed, I would be too but personally I would let it go.