AIBU to want my flowers!?

[BraveGoldie]

Little dilemma!

I was approached by an organisation to give them some online training in my expert area. Involved about a day of my time. And is something my normal clients would pay a lot of money for. They said they had budget to pay me, but they are a big global organisation that work in a social area I wanted to support (though they are not actually a charity). It's not an area I am particularly passionate about and would seek out to help, but it's worthwhile. I am also employed, and they are not an official client, so charging becomes complicated logistically, though possible. But mainly because they contribute in some way towards a worthy cause, I said no need for payment, but if they wanted to send some flowers after that would be lovely. Organiser said that was very kind of me.

I ran whole thing for them and it went very well. It was actually at a busy time for me, with lots of other commitments, but I put full energy into it to deliver something really quality. They expressed a lot of gratitude. But haven't asked for my address and no sign of flowers. 😔

On one hand I feel silly and petty - I obviously didn't do all that work just to get flowers. I could just go buy flowers for myself. On the other hand I feel a little bit exploited. They got something big and valuable for their whole exec team, I know they have plenty of budget and they haven't done the one thing I indicated would give me a little bit of personal pleasure. They probably just forgot.

Organiser has written asking me to share a summary takeaway document of the training. I will of course share that back with them.... but is there a nice way I can hint at the flowers without sounding petty? Or do I just move on and not be silly?

Thank you!

@Bluntness100

It’s a bit cringe in a professional context to be chasing for flowers. I suspect the person you spoke to didnt actually think you wanted flowers and were just being nice, it’s like saying “buy me a drink sometime”. It’s a way of saying no payment necessary

To be honest, I find it a bit odd you want flowers this much.

This... however I do understand why you'd want some acknowledgment. Don't worry I think it sounds like you did a really nice thing and you can hold your head up high. Please charge next time. Worthwhile cause or not they wouldn't give you anything for free

@BraveGoldie

I've been trying to make myself do that but it feels cheeky somehow! I can't work out if Asking for the flowers would be petty and entitled or just pleasantly reasonable/ assertive.

I think this is something women find hard.... just asking for things for ourselves... I have such a strong desire just to be given something without having to be 'selfish' enough to ask for it.

A man would never have asked for flowers in return for delivering online training to a global organisation. It was a strange request and they probably didn’t think you were serious, I think it would be unprofessional to follow up and what is the point of getting flowers you had to demand. Going forward, charge for your time.

@Shoxfordian

They’re not going to send you flowers Charge people for your time properly in future

Yes, this. Value your time.

If you verbally said just buy me flowers I would scrap that now and send them an invoice for your services... they'll be too embarrassed to say 'but you said just send me flowers'

Oh well OP, relying on the prospective goodwill of others is a sad road to understanding human nature. On the other hand, I bought 5 stems of Coral peonies in Marks yesterday, £10. They are stunning. Go and treat yourself, they're worth every penny.

I think then OP that you know your industry and work environment best. If it wasn’t weird to suggest flowers then it won’t be weird to hint. I think a lot of MNetters work in much more traditional work environments. Might get flack for saying that, but the amount of times people here say “just go to HR” or “speak to your line manager” or take really black and white views on what’s acceptable or not... Not every work environment is the same!

I get it OP. Perhaps they did take the flowers remark as a joke, but actually if you did them a favour, did a good job and didn't charge them then I think it's rude of them not to have acknowledged it in some way.

I did a favour for a close family member's employer recently because I happened to be in the right place geographically for something they needed doing; took me no time at all and cost me all of about 40p in petrol so while they'd usually pay someone for the same kind of thing it felt silly for me to invoice them. Instead, they've sent me a voucher for my favourite local restaurant as a thank you for helping them out.

I don't think it's the flower themselves there are the issue here; is it that by offering no kind of thanks you feel less valued?

I wouldn't send them the summary. They have reneged on their part of their bargain.

Don't reward bad behaviour.

Suspect they don't value women's time.

Yeahhh it's definitely not unprofessional in my working world.... flowers, bottles of stuff etc circulate with great regularity.... (to the point that it would be automatic - especially if somebody did something as a favour)..... but it is true that this organisation is not so much in that world, so it may feel less natural to them and they may have taken it as a joke.

.... yeah it is just that it was already a 99-1 win for them.... and they made it a 100-0.... which just leaves me with a sad feeling. It was such an easy win-win!

Not a big deal. But really appreciate the discussion - it will help me do this kind of thing in a different way that ends up feeling good next time!

I don’t work in a corporate field and our budget is tiny. I asked someone to come in and do something for our work. They said they would just charge expenses, which I agreed to and thought was great value. On the day, they waived the fee as it was ‘education’. I still worked out their expenses, rounded it up and raised a payment for that amount to be made as a donation to a charity. I can see why you’re annoyed OP, it’s just being a CF on the other organisation’s part.

The thing is, when they ask in the future your now going to be less inclined to help them out. So they’re 100/0 win has actually cost them long term.

If they are a company it would be more of a pain for them to send you flowers. The person arranging the training would probably end up out of pocket. you are being massively unreasonable not just asking for money

@Bluntness100

It’s a bit cringe in a professional context to be chasing for flowers. I suspect the person you spoke to didnt actually think you wanted flowers and were just being nice, it’s like saying “buy me a drink sometime”. It’s a way of saying no payment necessary

To be honest, I find it a bit odd you want flowers this much.

I think you don't want actual flowers, you want recognition. You got what you get when you are self-dismissive about what you are donating to someone. We get people posting here who have spent hours helping a relative or a neighbour, miffed because it is never mentioned or recognised. I suppose the answer is, only help others for free if it really doesn't matter to you. If it matters, charge.

you’re waaaaay overthinking this

In the field I worked in corporate gifts were not unheard of at all, but asking for flowers is definitely beyond what I would have thought of as normal (it’s the asking bit) and I probably would have assumed it was a joke too.
The thing is you absolutely deserve something for the work you’ve put it. I understand charging a fee isn’t necessarily that simple - how do you account for that? Do you need to be set up as a company for them to pay you? Would your current employee even “let” you? (We used to have to run all other jobs, directorships etc past management).. But for the work you put in, you should have been paid.
I might say something like if this is going to happen again I’ll have to set up a small company to receive fees as I obviously won’t be working for free in the future.

Hmmm do you want the flowers?
Perhaps you could send them something along the lines of
"I'd really appreciate if you could send the flowers you were paying me to ...(insert local hospice/care home/etc)"

I work for an non-profit organization. Paying for professional services is very straightforward. Sending anything that would count as a gift is fraught with peril and subject to all sorts of review and incredibly strict rules. We also have really strict rules on what we can accept, even when it comes to meals during marathon meetings.

Maybe the cant? Maybe they can only pay an invoice?

@sweetypop

If you verbally said just buy me flowers I would scrap that now and send them an invoice for your services... they'll be too embarrassed to say 'but you said just send me flowers'

That’s not how business works. You cannot provide work for free then change your mind after. Most folks would assume she wasn’t serious about the flowers. I get she was. But it’s unusual for someone in this context to actually want payment in flowers.

Op if you need flowers to feel good about the work you did. Then I’d say you should not agree to do this sort of thing again.

No one needs flowers but this seems to play into a wider theme I see on MN where people who donate their time to a charity are taken for granted.

This has reminded me of the Ceremony of Knolly's Rose. Google it OP and see what asking for flowers can bring you.

If you are contacting them again, you could say something like, 'if you found my contribution useful/enjoyable then maybe you would like to donate to xxxx in lieu of payment.' they might remember the flowers too then.

You said if they want. So to request them would be odd and wouldn't really be professional. I wouldnt risk my reputation for some flowers out of principle to be honest especially when I didnt actually say that was a requirement. I do agree they should have sent you something though as that is courteous

Also please don't issue an invoice retrospectively. Youve no contractual basis for doing so, it will make you look bad professionally and could cost in the long run. You couldn't enforce it - you'd hardly be successfully suing for a sum that wasn't agreed to be paid based on them not buying you flowers even if it was agreed that they would and your OP doesn't read that way as it appears to give them choice as I said.

Again, I totally agree with you they should've but just chalk it up and if you need recognition by way of gestures then make it absolutely clear that you expect it as a contractually agreed payment (which I think will come across as odd) or charge but a discounted sum

I work in a sector that absolutely would send you flowers for this in lieu of payment as you had asked and had given them so much. I think the organiser was rude not to have followed up.

I have also worked public and large private sector and we would still have done it - as these organisations were made up of people who would have appreciated what you did (and it is really not that hard to buy flowers and expense them in exchange for a service).

No idea why people think it is so hard to buy flowers!