To think that it's Unfair for a Child to be punished when they hadn't done anything wrong??

[Heathercob]

When I was in school my friend was coming home with me for a sleepover after school one Friday. We had planned everything - pizza and chocolate cheesecake for tea, baking chocolate chip cookies, sleeping downstairs and having film night, and the obvious midnight feast with chocolate and biscuits before going shopping and to the cinema on the Saturday.
However, on the Friday my friend got into trouble and her parents were called into school (another girl 'said' that she'd stolen her folder and chucked her English work in a bin).
The result was that the sleepover was cancelled and even though I hadn't done anything wrong, I didn't get to do any of the fun things planned 😡😡😡! Boring chicken, potatoes and veg for tea, bed at normal time and homework and food shopping the following day 😭😭!
AIBU to think that my friend's punishment (if she had even done what the girl had accused her of), could have been postponed until after my sleepover?

I feel this is probably an adult writing the experience of her child who has recently had this happen

@KaptainKaveman

Chocolate cheesecake? Is that an actual thing? It sounds repulsive.

OK you're crazier than op, just leave.

[quote PurrBox]@Plumbear2
What do devices have to do with it? Taking away devices from a child doesn't punish anyone other than the child

I am saying that it is not a good idea to punish your child by ruining something for another child. There are plenty of better ways to teach a child how to be more thoughtful and kind.

I have three adult kids and never had a moment when it seemed remotely helpful to punish one of them by doing something which was very inconsiderate to another person who had nothing to do with the problem.

The most important lesson for kids is in the example of being kind and thoughtful yourself, as well as being very honest and consistent in the standards you set for everyone in the family.[/quote]
Yes being honest and consistent. I'm consistent in the fact that if my child ever destroyed another child's school work he would be punished for that eg no sleepover. The knock on effect to another child would be that parents responsibility to explain to their child that his friend had devastated another child and was facing the consequences of that. I also have adult children, they missed plans due to friends being punished, thankfully they fully understood that their friends whete being punished for good reason. If a child destroys another's work they need to understand that it is unacceptable, they certainly don't need to be rewarded with a sleepover.

It was appropriate not to go ahead with the play date. However it would have been good to reorganise it for a later date once the trouble maker had redeemed themselves.

Bit weird to hang on to this sort of event

@Heathercob AIBU to think that my friend's punishment (if she had even done what the girl had accused her of) could have been postponed until after my sleepover?
Well how about just postponing the sleepover.? I assume the world did not end that day, and further days were available.

But op they weren’t punishing you , why would you expect to do these things if the sleepover had been cancelled? All that happened is your the sleepover got cancelled because your freind was naughty. Oh and your tea sounded yum chicken and veg

This can't be real...

The big question is who will play you in the movie about this?

Consequences operate as exactly that. Negative behaviour reaps a negative response. It teaches DC that they can make any choice they like but it will get a matching response.

DS2 had a playdate set with another child before the world ended . A few days before he did something in school that was so far across the line that general day to day consequences wouldn't have cut it.

He needed to learn fast that this was not OK. If I hadn't taught him that the consequences from the outside world if he had repeated it would have been worse.

So I cancelled the meet up. The other child's mum knew what the incident was as the DC go to school together and backed me 100% .

As she is a sensible mum she actually discussed it with her DC and that this was a line not to be crossed so she used it as a very gentle education moment for her DC.

DS2 earnt a later playdate back by changing his behaviour, I mean it was a bit harsh on him bless him because the world blew up and he couldn't have it but I can't exactly allow for random flying pandemics.

Honestly I grew up in an emotionally abusive household so I understand holding onto past incidents but this is one you need to deal with. Its a reasonable response even if it was a toxic household. I do get that normal meter goes a bit awry but it's helpful to get therapy to deal with that.

Damn it!. I'm a longtime user but on the actual app for the first time rather than a browser...why did it get rid of my paragraphs? That's annoying.

@butterpuffed

OP needs a bit of help in getting back to real life. Amazon has an excellent book [can't find the link] "How To Wean Yourself off Chocolate Cheesecake and Embrace Chicken, Potatoes and Vegetables'

🤣😂🤣

Tbf I would've preferred the pot noodles from Cocomarine's failed sleepover, yum 😋

@Nietzschethehiker

Damn it!. I'm a longtime user but on the actual app for the first time rather than a browser...why did it get rid of my paragraphs? That's annoying.

Paragraphs are fine!

Are you a child OP?

And that's really not how punishments work. It would be pointless to say "I'm punishing you for bullying but only after we've let you do the really fun thing you've planned"

Or is this a reverse and the OP's child isn't getting the sleepover she had planned?

@KaptainKaveman

Chocolate cheesecake? Is that an actual thing? It sounds repulsive.

Have you really never heard of chocolate cheesecake?

Cher82
Bless you, sound so stressful. You need to search for the appropriate board "mental health" perhaps or "parenting" then start a new thread. That way you'll get responses to your specific situation.

Could of just had another friend sleep over.

What?

I was hoping for more entertainment from this thread.