To think that it's Unfair for a Child to be punished when they hadn't done anything wrong??

[Heathercob]

When I was in school my friend was coming home with me for a sleepover after school one Friday. We had planned everything - pizza and chocolate cheesecake for tea, baking chocolate chip cookies, sleeping downstairs and having film night, and the obvious midnight feast with chocolate and biscuits before going shopping and to the cinema on the Saturday.
However, on the Friday my friend got into trouble and her parents were called into school (another girl 'said' that she'd stolen her folder and chucked her English work in a bin).
The result was that the sleepover was cancelled and even though I hadn't done anything wrong, I didn't get to do any of the fun things planned 😡😡😡! Boring chicken, potatoes and veg for tea, bed at normal time and homework and food shopping the following day 😭😭!
AIBU to think that my friend's punishment (if she had even done what the girl had accused her of), could have been postponed until after my sleepover?

Ignore the haters. I think you need to get revenge on your friends mother!

[quote Melitza]@BettyUnderswoob

As Charles Dickens wrote:

In the little world in which children have their existence, whosoever brings them up, there is nothing so finely perceived and so finely felt as injustice

Which book please? I don't remember that paragraph.
Love Reading Charles Dickens[/quote]
It's Great Expectations @Melitza.

This is so confusing.
I can't work out if this is a traumatic memory from the past or if the OP is still a child?

I do see how it was upsetting the planned night was ruined it's unusual you're still hurting.

I think it's the kids mum and she's mega disappointed that she had to cancel her own "sleepover" 😉

@Melitza

Me too! Guaranteed laughter, guaranteed years.

Is this one of those posts where the drama is meant to be funny?

*tears!

I think it is always wrong to punish a child by cancelling a party or a date that affects other people.

In general, the main point of discipline is to teach a child to be considerate- of other people, of society, of her own best interest. I think it is the wrong lesson for a parent to hurt another person as a side effect of disciplining their child- it sets a terrible example of a lack of thought and consideration for others.

I hosted a rehearsal “play date” for two friends. Both had SAHMs who cooked amazing and unusual things, like moussaka - in the 70s!

My mum worked and was a shit cook. (ditto dad, but it was very much the mums who did child stuff in my social circle). We also didn’t have much money.

So I bought pot noodles from my own birthday money as (a) my mum wasn’t there to cook (b) she couldn’t leave anything amazing to be eaten (c) pot noodles were the biggest treat in our house. I was so proud to have them!

I can still, 45 years on, feel the burning shame and inferiority that I felt when both girls barely touched them as they’re basically shit, and left early as they were hungry. Neither was rude to me. They didn’t have to be.

So there you go OP - we many of us have an old food related emotion from childhood still hanging around!

@Pamelaaaaa

Oh no a murderer has been sent to jail and they were meant to be at my party next week. Can't they let them be free for another week and send them to jail afterward?

Now do you see how silly you sound?

Yes. This is exactly the same.

AIBU to think that my friend's punishment (if she had even done what the girl had accused her of), could have been postponed until after my sleepover?

I don’t think you are being entirely unreasonable, but if your friend did take a classmate’s folder and throw her English work in the bin then (unless there is a huge backstory) I don’t think she sounds like the sort of person that I’d have wanted to have a sleepover with!

The really heartbreaking thing about this, is that there was no way this pizza and cheesecake sleepover could have been re-arranged. 😢

One girl had 3 days to live, the other was moving abroad the next morning.

Thoughts and prayers @Heathercob

And what's wrong with chicken, potatoes and vegetables for dinner? I'd much rather have that than pizza!

@PurrBox

I think it is always wrong to punish a child by cancelling a party or a date that affects other people.

In general, the main point of discipline is to teach a child to be considerate- of other people, of society, of her own best interest. I think it is the wrong lesson for a parent to hurt another person as a side effect of disciplining their child- it sets a terrible example of a lack of thought and consideration for others.

What rubbish. If my child destroyed another child's school work dumb right he wouldn't be going to any sleepover or using his devices at least a month. I certainly wouldn't be going all snowflaky to avoid upsetting another child.

OP needs a bit of help in getting back to real life. Amazon has an excellent book [can't find the link] "How To Wean Yourself off Chocolate Cheesecake and Embrace Chicken, Potatoes and Vegetables'

If this is the thing that occupying your mind now, you have a blissful life compared to many. Count your lucky stars.

Unfair:

Poverty
Physical Illness
Mental illness
Domestic Violence
Abuse

Not unfair:

Having your plans changed

Sometimes a piece of upset child gets stuck inside our adult self. It is frozen forever hurting. Things connected to this hurt us again and again.
You know best all the details and what should have been done by the adults to make this right. If you are an adult now imagine that you can send your adult self back to the scene. Let the child say all the things they want to about how unfair it was, how angry and distressed they are. Be there and listen. Give that child what they need.
Now give your younger self a big hug, so big and soft. As an adult you have the resources to deal with this. Snuggle the pain and absorb it until a peaceful child is your past.

A similar thing happened to dd. She was invited to a birthday sleep over at a friend's house. She was going straight from dance class. I took dd to dance class along with her overnight bag and present for the birthday girl. When we got there the girl 's mum told us that her dd would not be allowed to participate in any of the fun stuff due to her recent behaviour but that my dd was still welcome to go and enjoy all the fun treats. We politely declined and I handed the mum the gift and card for her dd. I found it a bit strange to say the least but hey hoy.

I didn’t know 12 year olds posted in this site

Is this a TV plot I'm unaware of?

In all fairness I wouldn't have stopped my kid going to the sleepover for the reason you said. But fucking he'll potatoes for tea how you remembering this shit! Did you never have a sleepover after that or something for this to be on your mind forever.
Though I'll never forget my bitch of a mum stopping me from going to my best mates Halloween party that we'd planned for ages and looked forward to, can't remember what I'd done but I was 10 couldn't have been that bad. So I can sort of see how you can remember but potato's for tea is next level.

Hi Harry

@Plumbear2
What do devices have to do with it? Taking away devices from a child doesn't punish anyone other than the child

I am saying that it is not a good idea to punish your child by ruining something for another child. There are plenty of better ways to teach a child how to be more thoughtful and kind.

I have three adult kids and never had a moment when it seemed remotely helpful to punish one of them by doing something which was very inconsiderate to another person who had nothing to do with the problem.

The most important lesson for kids is in the example of being kind and thoughtful yourself, as well as being very honest and consistent in the standards you set for everyone in the family.