AIBU to consider making some health issue up to avoid hairdresser small talk?

[Yellowfish2020]

Ok, so I'm looking for advice from anyone who feels the same or any hairdressers/beauticians/other service providers who have customers like me!
I'm off for the big post lockdown haircut tomorrow. I've always loved the pamper side of hairdressers but have MASSIVE anxiety about the making conversation side.
I am desperate not to appear rude - I just genuinely am very dull and boring and have nothing to tell these glamorous beauties and the idea of trying to make conversation for the hour genuinely fills me with dread. I feel embarrassed. I'm the same in all scenarios - but find hairdresser appointments particularly hard because it's so one on one with someone I don't know!
I can't be the only one who feels like this? Is there a way to say this at the start of the appointment without appearing rude or a bit mental? I've genuinely considered pretending not to speak English so as not to offend.
Fully aware my awkwardness is the problem and people are only being friendly so please don't be too harsh!

Just be on your phone/ask for a magazine? I understand as I have anxiety from PTSD. You're under no obligation to make conversation and won't seem rude if you don't x

Just send a polite message in the morning explaining that you have anxiety and would rather not talk too much. I'm sure he/she will understand

Just take a book.

I've seen a couple of threads like this... not to be goady but do people generally get their hair cut by strangers? I have my hair cut by the same hairdresser every time, and because I've known her for years, we manage to have a chat without it being too awkward.

Assuming though that you see different people each time, just take a book or something. You won't be given a magazine anymore because of COVID. Hairdressers aren't idiots, they're generally good at spotting people who don't want to chat.

Thanks for the advice, i knew i couldn't be the only one!
I'm kind of loath to make a thing of the anxiety as I think it'll just make me MORE self conscious!
A book is maybe a good idea - I feel like there should just be a simple, unspoken signal that can be used - like carrying a book
I know people are just being friendly and trying to give a good service and would also probably rather not go to the trouble of making conversation with me! That's why I think there should be some special 'nod' and then we can all just get on with it in happy relaxed silence

I never chat to the hairdresser, I either read a book on my Kindle app on the phone, or simply close my eyes. My hairdresser is well used to me at this stage lol.

@funnylittlefloozie

I've seen a couple of threads like this... not to be goady but do people generally get their hair cut by strangers? I have my hair cut by the same hairdresser every time, and because I've known her for years, we manage to have a chat without it being too awkward.

Assuming though that you see different people each time, just take a book or something. You won't be given a magazine anymore because of COVID. Hairdressers aren't idiots, they're generally good at spotting people who don't want to chat.

100% - I don't want to treat people like idiots, which is why I asked the question in case any hairdressers had a view after dealing with it all the time. I've moved during lockdown so it'll be a stranger tomorrow. My last hairdresser did get used to me I think

I understand you not wanting to make a thing of the anxiety. Could you say you don't get a lot of time free so you are hoping to read book/magazine/check what's app rather than chat? Although not sure if the hairdresser will be able to cut your hair properly if you are looking down

Ok - deffo seems like a book is the way to go. Genuinely, I just didn't want to be rude but seems like it's accepted practice. I didn't really have anyone to ask but seems like that's a consensus! Thanks all :)

I totally get this OP but I just take my kindle and start reading, maybe mumble something about never usually getting the chance..they never seem to mind

If I owned a hair salon, I would issue customers with a "talking" or "no talking" badge on arrival. I would definitely get my hair cut more often if it didn't involve small talk. Or big talk. Any talk.

I feel like this too. But taking my glasses off as well makes me even worse. Can't see, hoping they won't snag my eyebrow ring with the comb and awkward conversation all give me the cold sweats. Im well overdue a hair cut

@WankmasterBastardDeLaShithead

If I owned a hair salon, I would issue customers with a "talking" or "no talking" badge on arrival. I would definitely get my hair cut more often if it didn't involve small talk. Or big talk. Any talk.

This is EXACTLY what I was explaining to my partner (who doesn't get it!) tonight. I want a little flag, a badge, some signal that basically says 'it's not you, it's me' and means we can all just understand I'm not good at the talk bit: but that's ok! I would be in the hairdressers SOooooo much more if this were a thing.

Just talk in a really quiet volume and blame the mask. If she asks something, ignore her and then when she repeats say sorry can’t hear you with the mask/background noise

Eventually the conversation will die out

I understand your anxiety - I hate making small talk at the hairdressers it’s one of the reasons I put off going for so long. I’ve just started going to a new salon and was pleased to see they run a “silent appointment” system so you can ask for this when you book over the phone or via email. The only chit chat they then do is the bit at the beginning asking what you want done. I thought it was a great idea.

say you're deaf

works for me

I actually am deaf though

It won't work, I'm partially deaf and in the busy hair salon environment I cant hear speech enough to be able to jnderswhat people are saying. I tell them this, this still talk at me and expect a response.

jnderswhat is apparently what my phone uses for 'understand what'

@wingsnthat - yesssssss! I hadn't even thought about the mask and how that might make it all easier! Blessing in disguise! Maybe I'll just point at the mask and mumble and shrug apologetically and it'll all be ok!

I completely understand, to me visit to a hairdresser should be relaxing, almost like a massage, so I don't want to talk. I usually close my eyes. I can't see anything without my glasses anyway so it means I feel less awkward in general. But it also means I'm not 100% sure what is happening to my hair

I used to go to a salon where you could request a quiet seat when you booked - which meant you didn't want to talk. It's a really good idea, lots of people hate it. I think at the moment the combination of both of you wearing masks plus the hairdryer noise etc makes conversation really tricky even if you like to chat with the hairdresser.

@IAmCrazyMostOfTheTime this is amazing - I would travel for a salon that did this. It's smart. People are paying potentially quite a bit of money for the time so it just makes sense to make it easy to give them what they want (and might be embarrassed to ask for!)

I understand this OP! I have anxiety and am also partially deaf, luckily I've found a hairdresser that I love and explained this to and she's great but I used to get so worked up when my hair needed done!

Another option is to say you're hungover, she won't disturb you if you're quiet from nursing a hangover haha!

Oh my god when I worked in the hairdressers I loved a client who didn’t want to chat. It’s hard work making small talk constantly. I used to take the queue from them and if they didn’t seem keen to talk I’d not chat much.

@FangsForTheMemory - so this was where my original post title came from and I then I was ashamed by the thought. This is what I considered in a state of anxiety, rather than just saying I'm an awkward goof. And then I felt like a scum bag too