AIBU to consider making some health issue up to avoid hairdresser small talk?

[Yellowfish2020]

Ok, so I'm looking for advice from anyone who feels the same or any hairdressers/beauticians/other service providers who have customers like me!
I'm off for the big post lockdown haircut tomorrow. I've always loved the pamper side of hairdressers but have MASSIVE anxiety about the making conversation side.
I am desperate not to appear rude - I just genuinely am very dull and boring and have nothing to tell these glamorous beauties and the idea of trying to make conversation for the hour genuinely fills me with dread. I feel embarrassed. I'm the same in all scenarios - but find hairdresser appointments particularly hard because it's so one on one with someone I don't know!
I can't be the only one who feels like this? Is there a way to say this at the start of the appointment without appearing rude or a bit mental? I've genuinely considered pretending not to speak English so as not to offend.
Fully aware my awkwardness is the problem and people are only being friendly so please don't be too harsh!

You need talking points for these kind of interactions.
If the hairdresser/beautician etc is talkative then having some questions for them prepared removes the pressure on you to talk.
Generic things like "Do they have any recommendations for a series/film/book?"
If they are not naturally talkative they probably appreciate the break from making conversation that quiet customers give them so no need for you to feel awkward.
Do bring a book, or say something about needing to answer mails on your phone.
I just suggest the talking points so you feel prepared and less anxious about trying to think something up on the spot!

Former hairdresser - trust me, they are happy for silence. I loved my quiet clients! Bring a book, make a point of saying you’re looking forward to a chance to pick it up because you get no peace at home after you’ve had consultation etc. Job done.

@Hagqueen and @Roominmyhouse - this is what I was hoping for! Hairdressers who say it's ok and they don't mind and in fact welcome
It! That's what I need to feel confident I'm not just being rude!

I'm a hairdresser, and we are normally quite good at picking up pointers as to wether or not the client wants to talk, if the client pulls out their phone or a book, it's pretty obvious they don't want to, pre covid, I would offer a magazine to clients I couldn't be bothered to talk to, we aren't always up for a chin wag either, so the occasional quiet client is a god send especially at the moment when we are literally back to back, it's the continuous small talk that wears me out.
Go and enjoy your quite hair appointment. X

Don't feel uncomfortable if you don't want to talk.
Bring a book or magazine from home.
I only chat during the cut at the end and never during a lying down beauty treatment.

@Anniecott thanks :) can only imagine how tough it is to do be so busy, do your job AND have to make the effort with all talk with every customer. I can't even do the talk and I'm just sat there! Happy to know it's not too uncommon and I won't offend anyone if I just sit quiet x

I think there must be something wrong with me. I would love to chat to the hairdresser but they very rarely want to talk to me beyond asking he necessary "how do you want your hair cut?" type questions. Do I give off "leave me alone vibes" that I'm unaware of or something?

I've been going to my hairdresser for 15 years and we don't really chat. I talk all day at work I need to quiet time. I just take my phone out, read MN, scroll insta then I'm done!

I've been going to my hairdresser for 40 years and never got the impression that people are coerced into having conversations if they don't want to. Take something to read if it worries you.

@WankmasterBastardDeLaShithead

If I owned a hair salon, I would issue customers with a "talking" or "no talking" badge on arrival. I would definitely get my hair cut more often if it didn't involve small talk. Or big talk. Any talk.

I go to a brilliant salon that has small posters at each station reminding clients that you don't have to chat if you don't want to, just say. You can also choose if you don't want to be sat facing a mirror. I get on well with the guy that cuts my hair, so usually quite chatty - but nice to know that it's an option.

Bring a book, though I have to take my glasses off so then I can't read it so I normally get a mag with pictures. The mask makes such a difference, I speak quietly anyway so conversation gets killed pretty easily. Back in the old pre-mask days if they asked how I was I'd just say I was really tired, this usually is a good signal apart from the one time the hairdresser said yes me too I went out last night and not sure I've sobered up! My anxiety shot through the roof!

@Roominmyhouse

Oh my god when I worked in the hairdressers I loved a client who didn’t want to chat. It’s hard work making small talk constantly. I used to take the queue from them and if they didn’t seem keen to talk I’d not chat much.

Exactly! Most hairdressers are delighted not to have to chit chat for a change. I wouldn't overrethink it.

@Anniecott I imagine repeating the same small talk to draining.
Hairdressers are a bit like a soul repairers
too if you want to talk or drift off.
I'm always have asleep when it comes to the rinse.
I can't wait to go.
Have a lovely peaceful time OP.

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay no mirrors!! Now THAT sounds amazing!! Not in the Midlands is it? I never even considered that as an option - I just try and avoid looking! I think that's where it probably all stems from. I always feel frumpy and an imposter in these environments, so talking just adds to the embarrassment I'm already feeling when I wobble through the door!

Not exactly the same but when my DC used to go to junior parkrun, at the beginning they had coloured stickers (possibly wristbands?) For kids that didnt like encouragement, high fives or their photo taking. They could just take one before the run started and then the marshals would know if they didnt want interaction. Could potentially work in other situations?

@Triphazard101 this would be ideal for me for so many situations!

I’m a hairdresser and can tell if a client wants to talk or not and don’t mind at all, I totally understand not everyone wants to chat

@ForestYeti fingers crossed I get someone like you :)

I had a client who told me straight she had a very stressful job where she was required to talk constantly throughout the week. She came to the hairdressers to relax and did not want to talk she just wanted to read her magazine. It was fantastic it made my job so much easier not having to come up with things to say to people 😊

Maybe when you get in there just say at start 'sorry if I'm abit quiet bit it's hard to talk through the mask!' You'll be fine op, try not to overthink it and just let it go naturally! Some don't talk as much as others and quietly concentrate, hopefully yours will be the latter!

If all else fails, ask questions. It doesn't have to be you doing the talking!
How are you?
How did you feel coming back from furlough?
when do you think you'll get your jab?
etc
Pick up.on what they say, I reckon my hairdresser does most the talking and I know all about her family...

@Yellowfish2020 - no, east London, bit of a trek from the Midlands

OP, I would just tell them straight away that you struggle to hear people when wearing masks and with background noise so you would prefer not to chat.

I am hard of hearing - if there is any kind of background noise or I can't see the person speaking then I really struggle to make out what has been said. Salons and their music, hair tools/dryers and general chit chat etc were bad enough before covid, but with masks added in, it's just impossible.

When I arrive I tell whoever is cutting my hair (I go to the same salon but I'm not fussy about having a.particular stylist) that my hearing is bad so once we've done the consultation about what they are actually going to do if they need to ask follow ups during the cut, could they make sure I'm paying attention and that they can feel free to tap my shoulder etc if I am not responding to their question. I've never yet had a hairdresser who hasn't understood that this also means no chit chat during my cut.

Oh I hate the small talk, I suppose the hairdresser too but we go through the motions because we are expected to. I try to change the conversation to avoid talking about myself so if she says have you a holiday planned? I just say, not a moment what about you? And let her talk.

I had the same hairdresser for years, I used to love all the stories about how her younger brother was doing in the army, or how her new house was coming alone. I can assure you the only thing she knew about me was my name and that I prefer my hair to be washed with hot water 😁

I don’t like my colourist as a person but she’s good at her job. So I just take a book and say it’s for book group and I have to finish it that day/take some work which I can do on iPad or whatever.