AIBU to consider making some health issue up to avoid hairdresser small talk?

[Yellowfish2020]

Ok, so I'm looking for advice from anyone who feels the same or any hairdressers/beauticians/other service providers who have customers like me!
I'm off for the big post lockdown haircut tomorrow. I've always loved the pamper side of hairdressers but have MASSIVE anxiety about the making conversation side.
I am desperate not to appear rude - I just genuinely am very dull and boring and have nothing to tell these glamorous beauties and the idea of trying to make conversation for the hour genuinely fills me with dread. I feel embarrassed. I'm the same in all scenarios - but find hairdresser appointments particularly hard because it's so one on one with someone I don't know!
I can't be the only one who feels like this? Is there a way to say this at the start of the appointment without appearing rude or a bit mental? I've genuinely considered pretending not to speak English so as not to offend.
Fully aware my awkwardness is the problem and people are only being friendly so please don't be too harsh!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates small talk and gets anxious at the thought of being trapped in a chair and having to endure it.

It's bad for me here (very small-town America) because once they hear my English accent all bets are off. They want to know when I got here, why did I come here in the first place - everything. I've been here for almost 50 years and I hate talking about myself and I'm sick of trying to explain about I met my first husband and how moved from the east coast to the west etc. I thought about trying to speak with an American accent but I can't pull it off without sounding like a hillbilly. Because it's sparsely populated I have to be careful what I say as inevitably the hairdresser knows someone I know.

I dread hairdressing appointments so much I rarely go anymore. I also feel very old and frumpy in front of that huge mirror.

I had a hair cut and colour yesterday, was in there for just under three hours, and apart from hello and the necessary exchanges about cut, colour, and 'Is that water OK for you?' etc, the stylist and I didn't talk at all. I read my Kindle and she (I imagine) was probably relieved to not have to make smalltalk, as I had a 6 till 9 pm appointment, and she'd been in since 9 am. It was perfectly pleasant.

I only use mobile hairdressers. I find the salon environment completely overwhelming as it’s so loud and I hate all the mirrors everywhere. I can’t cope with anyone washing my scalp or having heat on my head. When the weather is nice enough I have a haircut in the garden which is far more pleasant while wearing a mask. I find it easier to chat when I’m less anxious about the place I’m in and I’m definitely more relaxed at home. @Yellowfish2020 you are not unusual as there’s many of us who struggle to make small talk!

I take a book / kindle. I've been going to the same hairdresser for years. He knows I'm happy with 'what are we doing today', I explain and that's it.

MIL seems to the the hairdresser is her best mate. I feel sorry for his ears.

I find they always talk so much you can hardly get a word in anyway .......

I generally feel like this too however I’ve been going to the same hairdresser for years and she’s lovely. My friend used to make a show of taking off her glasses and closing her eyes as a way of avoiding small talk. They will probably be relieved they don’t have to talk as I think some people think their clients expect it.

Maybe consider trying to tackle the anxiety? Surely long term the best outcome is to become confident enough to hold a basic conversation with someone?

Life would be much easier for you. Face the fear and it'll become easier over time

West mids have places that do silent appointments OP. I haven't been to a hairdresser for years because of the small talk i just chop it off with kitchen scissors and hope for the best! I might have to be brave and book in

How did you get on?

@pigeonpies

Maybe consider trying to tackle the anxiety? Surely long term the best outcome is to become confident enough to hold a basic conversation with someone?

Life would be much easier for you. Face the fear and it'll become easier over time

How condescending

I have anxiety and am medicated for it. I have also had CBT and therapy to overcome the worst of my symptoms.

Sitting in a salon having to make small talk for 3 hours is hell - being in a social situation is hard enough but when you add in the fact you can't leave if it gets too much unless you like the half cut/coloured look ; nor can you switch to a different stylist halfway through if the one you have is making you uncomfortable for whatever reason; usually you're parked in front of a mirror which can be anxiety inducing for some people if they have no option but to constantly see themselves for the whole appointment; then there's the constant background noise of the dryers/radio/chit chat etc and having to engage with the stylist and it is an overwhelming nightmare for some people even if they are using all of their coping strategies.

Sometimes I just don't have enough energy to mask my anxiety enough to deal with everything else and have enough brain space to deal with a "basic conversation" with a relative stranger.

@melj1213

Not condescending in the slightest. I'm talking from direct experience of having anxiety and having had serious anxiety in the past which stopped me doing basic activities ( like talking to a stranger for a prolonged period of time, leaving the house at all etc) I know what it's like to suffer. But it won't get any better until you've addressed it head on. I did medication, CBT and other talking therapies which are great to help with physical symptoms. Lots of breathing exercises etc.. but the thing that made the most difference to me was looking at my life and realising I wanted more. I wanted a normal existence and I didn't want to succumb to the anxiety. I made a decision to not let it control me. And that started with the smaller anxieties first.
I gradually moved up to bigger things with the support of a therapist. A type of 'exposure therapy' I guess you could call it.

I realised if stopped doing 'normal' thighs I was effectively feeding the anxiety and it would remain forever. Exposing myself to it was uncomfortable, I won't lie! But it gets easier each time. The anxiety is still there some days, but it doesn't stop me living.

Don't feed the anxiety with tactics that avoid the situation you're anxious about. It'll never leave you.

I post this from a place of support and experience and from a family with a long history of mental health issues.

I’m the same. I agree - take a book, smile and the beginning and end and give a tip and all will be well.