Would you start again if your children are older and you've just got your life back

[heyyiuguys]

Would you?
Lately I've been feeling broody. I've got two children, one adult and one in teens. I had them young so could in theory start again.
They just spend time in their bedrooms now come an evening.
I have lots of freedom and can do anything:
It's nice but not everything.
I mean I'm not that bothered as when I was in my 20s about going out all day without kids and drinking etc.
However amazing spending time with my children one on one now and just doing what we want.
I have a good job and probably good career prospects if I don't.
But there's a niggley feeling in me that I want another. Am I selfish? Probably stupid?
I've got my independence back so why am I feeling this.
Am I crazy?!

Mine are teens and not a chance I’d start again now. If you’re bored, find new passions!

No! You say you don't know who you are if you aren't a mother but you can find out!

I feel the opposite to you, I had two dc in my mid 30s and here I am at almost 51 with an 18 year old and a 15 year old and I'm single, so I feel like it will be years before I can do anything (except work, luckily I can work now) but I dream of doing philosophy, psychology, silversmith courses, yoga, sculpting courses, I'd love to take up the flute again! (have forgotten how to play it), I want to do a million things and I would cry my eyes out if I had children even younger than the dc I have.

Are you making this decision in isolation or do you have a partner who may have an opinion?

I had a dream a few weeks ago that I was pregnant! I thought oh shiiiiit, but then I thought ''hang on, I'm 50, this can't be right'' and then the 'baby' turned in to fish. I could tell it was a salmon.
And at the risk of sounding bonkers I think that's really symbolic of the way I see the next 18 years, they will be for the things that fascinate me!

No, definitely not.

Maybe I've forgotten how hard it is with a newborn/toddler.
I mean I went years struggling to work and find decent childcare and now I don't have that.
But I think it would be easier now.
I've just lost my mojo maybe. Or lust for life. Not sure

I absolutely wouldn’t. I’d wait to be a grandma, and hopefully you’ll get the best of both worlds!

Mine are 12 and 7, so no where like the same, but there’s absolutely no way I’d go back to the beginning again. I imagine I’ll feel this even more so when they are the age of your two!

No way. I like my freedom. Go and volunteer to read in a school, or something. And I agree that the world doesn't need more people.

I’ve felt similar at times. The pandemic, associated life changes and university issues mean my (now adult) DC are unexpectedly studying at home. Depending on how soon we have an ‘empty nest’ we are considering applying to become foster parents.

I don't understand who I am without being a mother anymore. That's all I've done since late teens

You won't solve that problem by having another. You'll just kick it down the road, and it'll be worse when it comes back again.

Personally, no, I would not. I did think about a 3rd go when DC2 was tiny, but DH was against and now we're getting out of the baby stage I can see he's right. I'm glad to say goodbye to the stage of intense dependence and I'm really excited about all the non-children opportunities that are opening up to me again.

Not an ice cubes chance in hell would I have another now.
I've done the hard part and I look forward to things getting much easier

I never understand why most people on Mumsnet are so desperate to get their 'freedom back' not everyone sees child rearing as a relentless drudge. I love having small children, it's hard but it's the happiest I have ever been and I'm not looking forward to them growing up.
If I were you OP I would go for it. It sounds like you really want another and you have your whole life ahead. Lots of people start families later in life so why not have a second go at it if that's what you want.

I feel like this. DD is 9 and I've been a single parent since she was 1. Always wanted to have another one but had two losses. I'm got much more freedom and fertility will start to wane soon. I'd have to do it all on my own again and I don't think I've got it in me. The broodiness is real though. I know I'll regret it when time runs out.

We can't answer for you

If you don't feel fine and you feel there is a hole that can't be filled without having another baby and you understand all of that and still want one, then that's what your body, heart and mind are telling you! You sound young enough that it's still an option . As you get older there is more risk of a baby who may have special needs/ learning disabilities or health problems but your GP can tell you that.

I had 3 between 30-37 years old. I knew I wasn't done and third baby was a need not a fancy. I lost pregnancies in between but didn't feel done until baby3 (youngest DD) came along, I knew I was done once she was born. If she hadn't been born I'd still be wanting to have her and I'm late 40s now.

I have a 23 year age gap between my dd's.
I definitely didn't plan it that way, dd2 was a surprise arrival.

I’ve got two DC under 5 and I can’t imagine going back to the beginning just as I’d be getting my freedom back. I love my DC but once I’ve started to get my sleep, time etc back then no way!

I get it. I had my first at 20 (pregnant at 19) then my next 2 at 24 and 25. I spent my entire 20's as a parent. My son is 16 and I'm now approaching my 40's, I'm both thrilled at the freedom I'm gaining but devastated that y babies are grown up and don't need me as much, however I don't think I could ever go back to baby stages... Also not ready for grandkids, I'm way too young!! 😂 😂

Thank you for your replies. Lots to mull over.
I think the pandemic has changed my thinking somewhat.
And what I felt as being tied down
and no freedom when they were young now feels like more of a blessing but that's only because I'm older anyway probably.
I wish I'd just had that feeling I was complete. Never thought time would catch up with me so to
Speak and the. It's a decision you have to make sooner rather than
Later.
Also having my life back my brain says I'm mad.
My heart longs for another

Absolutely not. And I find the idea of having babies just because you don’t know what else to do with yourself a bit off, really.

I had my youngest when my older two were about to turn 12 and 16. I cant imagine what my life would have been like if I had not him. He turns 18 next month and I'm so sad that all my kids are now grown. I'm not looking forward to it at all. I wish I had had another one after my youngest, I'm not ready to be "done".

I couldn’t do it again now. Mind are all mid teens to early twenties and I can think of nothing worse.

No, I really wouldn't want to back to the baby stage again.

Also I'm the youngest of 5 with a 10 year gap between me and number 4 and 15,16 and 17 years between me and number 3, 2 and 1. It wasn't a great dynamic - we are not close siblings at all. They didn't want a younger sibling and there is much resentment that has never gone away.

I think some people don't ever feel 'done' with having kids but that doesn't mean that they should just keep having them. I get broody for one last baby, especially now I'm pushing 40, but when I seriously stop and think of what my daily life would be like with another child (now and in the future) I think I'd be swapping my nice, balanced life for one where I'm juggling too much and feeling pulled in different directions. I personally would rather occasionally wonder what it would have been like to have another and live with that 'not quite done' feeling, than have another and be run ragged and kill any remaining broodiness in me lol!

I met my DH in my late teens but we didn’t start trying for kids till we were the other side of 30 and it took a while. If we had started having them younger, I would definitely have had more! Have children is relentlessly tiring at times but also more fun than I ever imaged.

Follow your instincts OP. If you feel in your heart that you want another baby, you should do it. You know better than anyone whether you should.