Anyone else still feeling flat?

[Summercocktailsinthesnow]

I will say I am grateful to still be here, and I have not lost anyone very close to me to covid. Believe me I am grateful for those things. I am not depressed in the slightest either, however I am finding it increasingly hard to listen to all the conversations about hugging and enjoying life again on the radio and every news channel, and I am just not feeling it. At all. Things don't feel very different to me.

I have shivered through meals and drinks with friends, braved the weather for BBQs, I have even had my hair done! I imagined by now to be feeling much better than I am. But I don't feel better. I am so flat, and find things are not much better than before. The things I most want to do seem still a million miles away.

I am desperate for a holiday, we have worked all the way through, but how easy it that going to be this summer? Chances look exceptionally low. I want to dance at a festival, no chance. Or go to something with live music, anything.
I want to enjoy shopping without feeling muzzled, and I really feel what we have now is not really a whole life at all, it is like a half life. It is nothing like the life I left behind. I have no sense of when it will end. The scientist on the BBC today said she wasn't sure the next reopening will even happen....the moment when some kind of normal happens on the 21st of June.

I can't summon the energy to look forward to anything, because we have no idea if it will happen. I feel like I am being lied to, look at all you can do is the strap line, the reality is freezing cold, wind swept evenings eating cold over priced food, and everything is so limited in experience and in interaction, like trying to enjoy a facial with someone covered in PPE none of this is actually fun anymore!

I am optimist, by nature, and of course I have already counted my blessings for the things we can do, but really I just want my old life back so so so badly. Does anyone else feel like this?

I completely agree with you OP about the lack of spontaneity and the uncertainty about knowing what the rules are everywhere you go.
I think I am a pretty positive person, I have done everything I am allowed to do at each stage (and a few things I wasn't!) but it just doesn't live up to expectations. My OH and I love to head out for a day's walking if the weather is good, stopping off at a pub or 2 along the way but the joy is fine now we have to plan a week in advance then get to a certain place by a certain time because we could only book for lunch at 3.23pm and we only get the table for an hour and 15 mins etc.
I went to vote the other day and forgot to take a mask. I was the only one in the big hall- the officer was sitting behind a huge perspex screen but I wasn't allowed in until I held my scarf over my mouth! WTF?!! I was there about 2 minutes then we had to exit through some convoluted back room set up. Everything is such hard work - it's exhausting:(

I walked around our city centre yesterday to do bits of shopping. OMG the tiredness I felt! I was desperate for a sit down and couldn't wait to get home.

I loathe wearing masks, and yesterday it really added to my general discomfort. I felt so hot and stifled.

I've also found simple household tasks are becoming arduous to even think about doing - a sort of "why bother?" feeling. I do them begrudgingly. Lost that ' I want to 'spring clean'! feeling.

No desire to socialise, it seems a lot of effort. I have new clothes I've not worn yet. I've put weight on, but no desire to sort it yet. What a misery I'm becoming!

Hopefully this 'languishing' will pass for us all, in time.

Same here. The only thing that's bringing me joy right now is when it's sunny and I can be in my garden...and it's not sunny very much! My colleagues are starting to go back to the office (we can choose), arranging drinks after work etc, my friends are all meeting up and partying, everyone's getting their hair / nails done etc, and I cba with any of it. I feel like I'm missing out, but at the same time I don't want to join in. It's weird. It's like I've subconsciously ruled out doing any of 'the things' because they are just not things I do any more, it's hard to explain, it's like the pandemic has actually changed who I am, and now I'm someone who stays home, watches tv and walks the dog - that's it. Doesn't help that we've been pretty badly impacted financially so I'm loath to go out and spend £50 for some warm wine and cold food in a wet beer garden! I'm hoping it will improve over the summer and I'll feel a bit more sociable and motivated to see people.

It doesn't help that a lot of my friends have not just bent but broken the rules all the way along, even when the situation was dire, and whilst I'm not judgy about it, it's changed how I see them and I know it will make things awkward as they have been pretty vocal on SM about 'sheep' who have obeyed the rules so I can envisage some awkward conversations.

I think another layer is there's a lot riding 9n the enjoyment of an experience and it is hard to live up to. We made the most of EOTHO last summer but mainly stuck to outside, which was genuinely pleasant in mild weather and there was a choice about being out/ being in. Having outside in the arctic winds as the only option strips a lot of the pleasure.

Crime scene ambience doesn't help.

Some places are as normal as they can get away with and others are much more inhibiting.

Also technical things like ordering off an app. Our last attempt at a bit of a Sunday walk and tea at the pub ended up as only snacks avaliable, so we got a couple of chips. Then the drinks never came. By the time we managed to chase them up because of no staff wandering around and not being able to enter, we got icy ciders and cokes just as the sun's heat failed to mitigate the sharp wind and we ended up necking them before we got colder and shivering most of the walk home.
Not fun. Not encouraging to keep going out.

My friend described it as ' apathy' on the text the other day and that summed it up for me.
Her and her family have followed the rules to the letter, but also feel very flat now and her son is like my son , not wanting to go out ( both early 20s , both wfh, so only young still ) we are hoping this will change in time of course and they will start to get out a bit more.
I cba to do the basics ( I do them , but it's tough going ! I Would rather not do them )
People are also very snippy and edgy I think too.
It's all a bit weird.

Agree completely!

On the flip side I feel guilty for feeling this way as we have no financial/ job worries, all have pretty good health, beautiful home etc. but I want to be selfish again. I want a lovely holiday, I want to be able to arrange things well in advance without the anxiety of the rug being pulled from under me etc.

We are now over 60 and it's quite scary at times as we feel our lives are being wasted away when we don't know how much time we have remaining. ☹️

Yes I agree it's shallow and selfish but just being honest.

@BogRollBOGOF crime scene ambience

I am desperate for a holiday, we have worked all the way through, but how easy it that going to be this summer? Chances look exceptionally low. I want to dance at a festival, no chance. Or go to something with live music, anything. I want to enjoy shopping without feeling muzzled, and I really feel what we have now is not really a whole life at all, it is like a half life. It is nothing like the life I left behind. I have no sense of when it will end. The scientist on the BBC today said she wasn't sure the next reopening will even happen....the moment when some kind of normal happens on the 21st of June.

This paragraph sums up how I feel too OP. What we have now feels like ‘life by numbers’ - yes, you can do more stuff, but for me it’s a pale, joyless approximation of how life used to be. I want vibrancy, spontaneity, noise - and God knows when we’ll get any of that back.

There’s an incredibly depressing article in the Guardian this morning about the Arts post-Covid, and how everything’s going to be smaller, cheaper and emptier. Lots of musicians, artists, actors giving up and leaving the industry completely. Made me shed a tear for what we’ve lost.

Spent Monday night shivering under a blanket in a pub car park while catching up with an old friend who was visiting. We lasted an hour and a half, where ore-Covid we’d merrily chat away all night. So done with all of this.

Hopefully this thread will keep going, and we can share our small victories over this feeling, as they arise.

It certainly helps knowing we are not alone in our tiredness and general 'meh' about our current lives.

It’s also the anti-climactic feeling of looking forward to something finally happening, only to flee disappointed when it does. I had my hair cut and highlighted last week - like most people I was desperate to have it done for months, but the reality was sweating and struggling to breathe through a lengthy appointment in a mask, none of the usual little pre-covid luxuries (tea/coffee, magazines, hand massage) and a worse result than usual because they’d rushed the appointment to stay within the guidelines (appointment still lasted over two hours, but it was easily an hour less than it would usually take, and there’s still visible grey where they’ve rushed through the highlights).

Everything just seems that little bit crapper than pre-pandemic.

I did feel relief when my way overlong hair was chopped, but it seemed like another chore to get through, rather than a relaxing pamper time. More like a dental visit tbh

Im so glad I’ve found this thread. I feel exactly the same. I’m currently pregnant with DC2 and I feel bad but I’m just... not excited. I had DS at the end of 2019 and we moved to a new town when he was 6 weeks old, I was relying on going to baby groups to meet people and make mum friends, but everything got shut down before I had the chance. Now the few mums I know through NCT are all back at work, some baby classes have started up but it’s the £7.50 a session ones that I can’t afford, not the £1.50 church hall type things. Day in day out I am lonely and bored senseless trying to entertain a toddler while DH works from home at a desk in our bedroom (next to our bed!) because there’s no space for it anywhere else and in 6 months time I’ll have a new baby and it’ll be more of the same except harder.

Everything just seems that little bit crapper than pre-pandemic

I agree, and everything is more hassle. Everything.

@OrchestraOfWankery

I did feel relief when my way overlong hair was chopped, but it seemed like another chore to get through, rather than a relaxing pamper time. More like a dental visit tbh

The only time I've dressed up to go out this year is for the dentist.

Should I wear a fancy frock for my smear test?

The pub has been fleece and blankets.

I’m also glad to find this. I’m so so flat. Trying to kick myself.

I am forcing myself to book some
Stuff in my diary.

I agree about the joylessness. I think masks are joyless, queues, planning, pre booking, no singing, my kids lives are so narrowed.

Should I wear a fancy frock for my smear test?

Absolutely!

Crime scene ambience doesn't help

That is funny at first glance, but also very depressing as we have actually all been made to feel like criminals over the past year for breathing

@BogRollBOGOF I wore a sparkly party dress on my birthday this year....with wellies......to take the dog for a walk. This is what life has come to!!

I feel like this. I have young kids. School and nursery drop-off/pickup is still long queuing, masks.

Soft plays closed, when they open I assume masks will still be required for adults. Limited numbers so who knows if you can just rock up and get in?

Things like zoos need pre-booking because of SD capacities. If you don't book until the morning of, tickets are sold out.

There's just no spontaneity. Weekends are walk, walk, walk.

When DH and I do something on our own like shopping, we're in and out as hate masks. The queue for homesense the other day was outside round the corner, in the rain!

Yes I'm alive, yes it could be much worse. But this isn't normal life.

Oh and because of the rushed nature of pickups there's no handover or basic chat anymore. Really not up to date on either child's progress. One started school in Sept and the other is in nursery. No idea what they're up to in there tbh.

I posted here yesterday and I have to admit I feel a bit better about things today. It was a relief to get it off my chest and to know that others feel the same. The languishing article helped.

The weather is brighter today and even though my DD has had me up since 3.30am, I'm going to drag the little darling out to the park for some fresh air. I need to get out the house.

This thread has been MN at its best, supportive (bar the one post) but I'm very sorry to hear about BOF, my condolences to those that knew her.

@AngeloMysterioso

Im so glad I’ve found this thread. I feel exactly the same. I’m currently pregnant with DC2 and I feel bad but I’m just... not excited. I had DS at the end of 2019 and we moved to a new town when he was 6 weeks old, I was relying on going to baby groups to meet people and make mum friends, but everything got shut down before I had the chance. Now the few mums I know through NCT are all back at work, some baby classes have started up but it’s the £7.50 a session ones that I can’t afford, not the £1.50 church hall type things. Day in day out I am lonely and bored senseless trying to entertain a toddler while DH works from home at a desk in our bedroom (next to our bed!) because there’s no space for it anywhere else and in 6 months time I’ll have a new baby and it’ll be more of the same except harder.

This is one of my biggest bugbears about the pandemic honestly.

The casual, church hall, quid for the kitty, cuppa and a chat while your baby kicked around on the floor groups all shut up shop in March 2020 and haven't been seen since.

The ONLY groups available within a 20m radius are expensive, premium, fancy, block booking classes. When we wanted to take DS swimming last year absolutely no pools were running pop in and swim sessions so we had to start formal lessons, which were £120 upfront committing to ten weeks. The only groups available are £6-8 per session and you have to commit to a couple of months ahead.

It enrages me honestly, I'm very lucky we can afford to splash out for groups but how many can on mat pay? If you're not well off around here then you're screwed, isolated, your baby/toddler isn't able to access any socialising at all.

I've never managed to attend any of the casual play group things. Despite trying. Even trying to get into some of the formal fancy groups it's a waiting list of several months.

Our local children's centre which is supposed to offer affordable groups and sessions shut up shop at the start of the pandemic and only just started to offer stuff again, which is impossible to get onto. Wonder why they weren't able to run anything while other places could? I feel very let down by our local children's centre.

@JadeSeahorse

Agree completely!

On the flip side I feel guilty for feeling this way as we have no financial/ job worries, all have pretty good health, beautiful home etc. but I want to be selfish again. I want a lovely holiday, I want to be able to arrange things well in advance without the anxiety of the rug being pulled from under me etc.

We are now over 60 and it's quite scary at times as we feel our lives are being wasted away when we don't know how much time we have remaining. ☹️

Yes I agree it's shallow and selfish but just being honest.

Yes, that completely resonates with me. Our lockdown was as good as it got with no financial worries, a garden and lovely rural walks. Our little dog was a sanity saver but ...

Thank you so much to the pp who linked to the NYT article. It helps to know this is pretty common.

I think it's the grief of a whole year of our lives lost weighing us down. Like we can get back to normal but it feels this huge gap has been lost and needs making up for and none of the new easier restrictions give us a life to make up for what we've lost. It wasn't so bad before because it was only a few months of life lost but a year is huge- especially with children and seeing them change so much and not being able to have given them the normal things which they'll never get back at those ages again. Then there's the tension of not knowing if any more of our life will be lost. Makes it hard just to snap back to normal and be excited to be inside a pub again. Would recommend some real still time and crying it out/writing through it and coming to terms with what was taken away...
I spent 3k of my savings on just getting through the lockdown, and that feels enormous in itself. It could have been money used for a big holiday once things are normal. I think it represents what was taken away from me emotionally and spiritually. A year of our life is a huge part of our identity and we have few memories to be a part of that.

So I decided to have a massage and kick start some fight back to languishing, as I hate the feeling! I am not giving in to this...

So trotted along this morning after arguing with myself in the car park because I wanted to go home so much. Perhaps I should have listened to that inner voice. The therapist was kitted out in full PPE expected for major surgery with just two small eyes bulging out - and then goggles, visa, mask, two layers of blue aprons and rubber gloves that looked scary. Hair some kind of attractive plastic swim wear hat. Very calming and relaxing?! The place had been stripped bare of cushions, magazines and not even a glass of water was on offer. Even the plastic plants had been moved up to higher shelves for their safety from the general public breathing on them. It was not exactly welcoming.

We weren't actually allowed to touch anything so I sat on edge of chair trying to breathe in my triple mask (my fabric one was not good enough apparently, and was replaced in school mistress fashion) and she actually sprayed the chair after I stood up with dettol spray. So now I am feeling seriously like a leper. This was before the massage even started.

The rustling sound of the layers and layers of PPE made it impossible to relax, I couldn't breathe with the mask on. She kept washing her hands over and over again, as if my very presence was contaminating and eventually the whole sorry debacle thankfully came to an end. I could hear her spraying the room as I left to pay the extortionate fee for my 50 minutes of relaxation.......

Is it any wonder that we are feeling worn out with this? How is this a life? It is no wonder our central nervous systems are in flat lining when this is the very best and closest thing we can get to relaxation and unwinding. God help anyone that needs medical care....don't get me started on my experience in hospital.

So on reflection folks, I have come to the conclusion that the languishers are not going to sucked in that easily, we have looked at the situation with clear eyes and thought WTAF is this?
We are not going to be jollied along by the government into a huge staged pretence that we should be grateful for this shell of a life, we are the ones saying give our lives back now....right now, and with good reason. Enough is enough. I am tired, I am fed up - give me my life back.

We are ahead of the game, I would say. Levelly looking at this in the cold light of day, why should I be made to feel half alive...