Anyone else still feeling flat?

[Summercocktailsinthesnow]

I will say I am grateful to still be here, and I have not lost anyone very close to me to covid. Believe me I am grateful for those things. I am not depressed in the slightest either, however I am finding it increasingly hard to listen to all the conversations about hugging and enjoying life again on the radio and every news channel, and I am just not feeling it. At all. Things don't feel very different to me.

I have shivered through meals and drinks with friends, braved the weather for BBQs, I have even had my hair done! I imagined by now to be feeling much better than I am. But I don't feel better. I am so flat, and find things are not much better than before. The things I most want to do seem still a million miles away.

I am desperate for a holiday, we have worked all the way through, but how easy it that going to be this summer? Chances look exceptionally low. I want to dance at a festival, no chance. Or go to something with live music, anything.
I want to enjoy shopping without feeling muzzled, and I really feel what we have now is not really a whole life at all, it is like a half life. It is nothing like the life I left behind. I have no sense of when it will end. The scientist on the BBC today said she wasn't sure the next reopening will even happen....the moment when some kind of normal happens on the 21st of June.

I can't summon the energy to look forward to anything, because we have no idea if it will happen. I feel like I am being lied to, look at all you can do is the strap line, the reality is freezing cold, wind swept evenings eating cold over priced food, and everything is so limited in experience and in interaction, like trying to enjoy a facial with someone covered in PPE none of this is actually fun anymore!

I am optimist, by nature, and of course I have already counted my blessings for the things we can do, but really I just want my old life back so so so badly. Does anyone else feel like this?

@Justanticipating

I feel the same and I think ill feel the same until things go 100% back to normal. Ive got a 1 year old and got some time off with my DO soon for family time and it still feels difficult to make simple plans, everywhere is busy, time limited, booked up, over priced or expected to wear uncomfortable masks for indoor activities. Theres also the unknowing of whether places are even gonna be open. We'll probably not end up doing anything. It's just all so dull.

DP* I hope theres not another meaning for DO

Feel the same too. Feel like crying most days too.

I feel the same too,op.
Keep waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under us again.
It’s so weird but it’s like I can’t imagine it ever being back to normal.

Thanks for the thread OP, this is exactly how I feel. Just so flat and really can't be bothered with anything. I'm dreading the social things that are arranged for the next month or so, although I don't know why. I'm permanently exhausted and my life just has no richness or sparkle any more.

I can't even really explain it because when I think logically I know that covid has had little impact on me. I've gone in to work as usual and no one I'm close to has been seriously Ill or died of covid fortunately.

Everything just feels so blah. Weather definitely not helping

@Chimboo I hear you!! Despise everything about them, I'm about to lose money on flights to Spain for next month as I can't bear the thought of wearing one at all times except on the beach or by the pool. Grim.

I am feeling the same. I just cannot be bothered with anything, it all feels so meh. It came to a head when my DH announced that the breaking news on the bbc was that we can all hug again. I should be glad but some how I cannot muster the enthusiasm!!

So glad of this thread, I thought it was just me feeling this way!

I also can't wait to get rid of masks. Had several depressing conversations with colleagues recently who say they will keep wearing them 'because I haven't had a cold in over a year!' Yeah, you've also not been anywhere or done anything or seen anyone in that year either. I'll take an annual cold, please!

Thank you @hamstersarse. That was worth the read and really interesting.

But surely except for the uncertainty of holidays abroad, most things really are getting back to normal?

For me:
We can see our friends and family
The kids can meet friends and do things/go places
Schools and colleges are open as before the pandemic
Gyms, shops, cafes, pubs are open (fully as of next week)

I'm not going back to the office any time soon which is crap but I'll sacrifice that for the above.

Yes, masks are here for the foreseeable and you have to plan a visit to a pub weeks in advance to get a table but most things really are feeling much better.

There is absolutely no spontaneity

It’s just all the same. It’s all got to be planned. Everywhere you go in an attempt to find some joy is ruined by ridiculous rules.

The only things I get some joy out of are the birds in my garden, a Jungian podcast and the seeds I’m growing.

The masks are a big thing for me too. It absolutely ruins social interaction...i despair that we have made children wear them in classrooms. I wouldn’t mind if they had actually helped anything but they’ve not made a blind bit of difference. That’s one of the things that has got to me over all this time....how powerless you actually are over your own life, how quickly new edicts can be put in place...it’s been a real eye opener as to how little say you actually have in your own life.

Yes, it’s the spontaneity that’s lacking

We have a lovely local pub, some evenings DH and I would pop in for a drink, we’d always meet people we know. Some quiet evenings, some evenings where you end up at someone’s house at 2am singing karaoke

A booked slot, where you are not allowed to mix with other customers, kind of defeats the purpose of the local pub. IMO. It’s like some parallelle universums idea of a pub. Zero ambience and zero laughs with people you have not seen for a while

I feel bad about not supporting the pub though, so may force myself to have a cold outside boring dinner there next week (month)

“Parallel universe”, not that gibberish I wrote

The masks are a bit annoying because my glasses steam up, but wearing them isn’t a big problem other than that as I used to wear them frequently when I worked in a laboratory.

I would dearly love to hug DS and DIL though, he teaches primary DC and has been sticking rigidly to the rules and there were no Covid cases in all the pandemic at that school. Even when he wasn’t teaching he was looking after key workers DC. I am having my second jab on Friday so that’s something. Entirely selfishly, I’m looking forward to when they move house this year, nearer to us and DIL’s family. If the last year has taught me anything it’s that I need to be near them and make the most of it. I know they’ve been super careful but it doesn’t stop me worrying.

I also think it’s the tiredness. I have absolutely 0 energy, find it really hard to be motivated. I worry so much about having a normal life, how will I keep up!?

I just walked to the shop and back (10 mins walk) and I’m exhausted. I was never, ever like this before lockdown - was always on the go, used to be up and put by 7am everyday and getting home at around 8 but still had bags of energy to socialise etc. Even my walking pace has slowed a lot:

I just feel like I’ve totally lost my spark!

Pmk

I am sorry to those who feel shit. Selfishly it makes me feel a bit better to know I am not the only one.

I was talking about this with my dp the other day although things are being eased it’s nowhere near normal. still having to remember masks everywhere, pubs with decent outdoor provision booked up well in advance no just nipping the pub for tea/a drink each outing feels like a military operation.

Shopping isn’t enjoyable, no just nipping for lunch when you’re hungry. Still limited outings for kids especially toddlers, even worse when the weather is bad.

I still feel like I’m in lockdown

I'm really glad to have read this.
I'm currently being referred for Postnatal depression so thought it was all down to that but I really relate to a lot of this.

My business has been closed for 11 months in the last 14 and i finally get to reopen Monday and people keep saying oh you just be so excited. I just want to say, no. I am totally fucking exhausted by all of this. The opening and closing and reinventing what I do to be not even really viable. It has been so stressful. However I’ve also got a few festivals booked in and some dinners and camping trips and my 8 year old is a joy and i finally wore sandals again today for the first time this year and I can feel the joy creeping back in.
I do exercise most days which helps me I think. And I ended my relationship in October and it’s actually really lovely just being the two of us and the dog now I have processed the loss of it a bit.
I just think we need to be kind to ourselves as others have said.

Thank you for this honest thread acknowledging the impact of our experience. Yes to flat, yes to lack of energy, yes to no enthusiasm. I’m even annoying myself. Sorry to all xxxx change will come

I’m sorry you feel so bad @TadlowDogIncident, but this struck me: He'll never sing treble in a choir again.
Why? Church choirs haven’t been banned, they’ve been going since after first lockdown. Isn’t there one he could join since boy treble is a very specific type of voice and largely used in religious music?

I am absolutely exhausted as are most people I know. I've worked through most of the pandemic and Christmas.

I'm not sleeping very well and I miss the small things in my life. I am still recovering from trauma. It is such a slog.

'Meh' is a good word to sum up how I feel day after day after day.

Thank you for starting this thread.

I feel so low and lacking in any kind of direction or purpose. Gave my job/career up at Christmas. Nothing really brings me any kind of peace. I feel like I’m just waiting to die (and then feel horrible for thinking that).

I try not to get too excited about potential lockdown changes as it just leads to disappointment
I was so excited about being able to eat outdoors - reality is cold and/or wet, cold food, fixed time slots, DP arguing about track n trace n GDPR etc
I too have no enthusiasm for anything and often go to bed early just to get rid of the day and also stop myself drinking too much
Work is manic (voluntary sector dealing with people far far worse off than me sometimes due to Covid)
I’m over walking as a leisure activity
Used to love shopping but hate mask wearing and also no need to buy a new sumner wardrobe as I’m not going anywhere to wear it
My elderly nearest and dearest have become much more needy due to Covid and suck up even more of my energy
I really can’t see an end to it anytime soon and sometimes just want to go to sleep and not wake up
Other weeks I manage to ‘find’ it - eg a while ago hired a hot tub for a week, took the time off work, bought fancy food, mixed exotic cocktails, read a book or 3, hung out in swimwear and pretended I was on holiday