Anyone else still feeling flat?

[Summercocktailsinthesnow]

I will say I am grateful to still be here, and I have not lost anyone very close to me to covid. Believe me I am grateful for those things. I am not depressed in the slightest either, however I am finding it increasingly hard to listen to all the conversations about hugging and enjoying life again on the radio and every news channel, and I am just not feeling it. At all. Things don't feel very different to me.

I have shivered through meals and drinks with friends, braved the weather for BBQs, I have even had my hair done! I imagined by now to be feeling much better than I am. But I don't feel better. I am so flat, and find things are not much better than before. The things I most want to do seem still a million miles away.

I am desperate for a holiday, we have worked all the way through, but how easy it that going to be this summer? Chances look exceptionally low. I want to dance at a festival, no chance. Or go to something with live music, anything.
I want to enjoy shopping without feeling muzzled, and I really feel what we have now is not really a whole life at all, it is like a half life. It is nothing like the life I left behind. I have no sense of when it will end. The scientist on the BBC today said she wasn't sure the next reopening will even happen....the moment when some kind of normal happens on the 21st of June.

I can't summon the energy to look forward to anything, because we have no idea if it will happen. I feel like I am being lied to, look at all you can do is the strap line, the reality is freezing cold, wind swept evenings eating cold over priced food, and everything is so limited in experience and in interaction, like trying to enjoy a facial with someone covered in PPE none of this is actually fun anymore!

I am optimist, by nature, and of course I have already counted my blessings for the things we can do, but really I just want my old life back so so so badly. Does anyone else feel like this?

I think our energy has been depleted. We’ve all been on edge for a long time. It’s bound to have an effect.

ChubbyLittleManInACampervan I know I would feel better if I got myself down to the gym, but I just can't get it together to go!

I wake several times in the night too. But I am in my 50s so may be partly that as well.

Same, no energy or enthusiasm for anything?

Someone text me yesterday and asked if I was looking forward to Monday??
To be honest I cannot get excited about it and cannot really see how my life will suddenly change on Monday.
I have worked all the way through the pandemic and worn a mask. If someone said I could stop wearing one on Monday I would be jumping for joy! I go to work and come home, rinse and repeat.
As it is I do not want to go and sit inside a pub or outside for that matter. I need a haircut, but cannot muster the energy to do that.
Things wont feel normal for me until we do away with the masks.

I feel the same. It is a recognized condition, we’ve been on high alert with adrenaline surging for so long, we are bound to crash at the end of it. I’m anxious about lots of things, I’m desperate for a holiday abroad but I can’t face all the new protocols in case I get them wrong or make a mistake. It doesn’t help that they keep changing all the time either.

Sleep is the one thing that’s good. But I’ve got no libido and loads of new wrinkles on my face. DH and I have been out with friends, and it’s been enjoyable but then it fades afterwards. Christmas was awful cooped up together, and the rest of the winter. I think the constant in and out of lockdowns and ruined plans have taken their toll.

We do need to be kind to ourselves.

I totally agree - I used to love travelling- but the thought of all the testing etc just makes me feel it's not worth the bother. Flat and unenthusiastic is exactly how I feel. I'm hoping that 21st June sees the end of most of the restrictions and I may start to feel more positive.

I'm so glad I read this as I thought it was just me. Really struggling to feel any enthusiasm and am hyper aware that things could be taken away again

It is actually reassuring that others feel the same, I think we need to be kinder to ourselves and not expect much of ourselves.

I know that two weeks on the beach would do the trick, at least in the short term, but I can't face the stress of travel at the moment. If one of us tests positive and we are stranded, or the queues at the airport to check paperwork. Any benefit from the holiday would evaporate with the worry.
Also my teen dc are not vaccinated, I am not sure it is fair to put them at risk and if they were really ill on holiday - I am not sure I could forgive myself easily for that. So the one thing we need is a proper holiday, almost certainly won't happen.

Maybe a spa break is the next best thing. Or just check in to any hotel on our own to regroup for a few days. A silent retreat or something.

It is the masks, they are really getting to me. I can't interact properly with anyone, I am tired of seeing everyone wearing them. I can't hear properly when anyone talks to me. They are huge barrier to connection. If the gov do any one thing it should be to rid us of the masks, that would be a huge leap to normality overnight. So pleased dc will now go to school without them. At least for them it is getting much better for them in time for summer.

I am absolutely done with this whole bloody thing, can it stop now please.

I feel like I've shut down and can never feel excited again in case the thing I've looked forward to gets taken away. I hope I find my joy for life again in due course or my days are going to be very dreary.

@pinkearedcow I am 50 too, bad sleep sucks

I have been able to make myself do 15-20k steps (walking + exercise) since Jan. It’s a bit of an effort, and takes up massive chunks of my free time, but I feel that if I were to just sit down and watch tv all evening I might never get up again

So on and on I push myself, not quite sure what for?! But it helps

I guess finding what helps is key. Normally I am quite sociable and love going to the pub or a bbq or meal out.

Sitting in a gale with rapidly cooling food in front of me does not appeal

Used to love hair dresser/beauty treatments too, but after my first haircut in 6 months I just thought: I shan’t bother again, it’s no longer a treat but something stressful now. I will grow my hair and plait it like olden day aunties.

The hardest thing for me is a dear friend who is dealing with a lot of shit, but I can’t hug her when she cries (as we walk through another storm) as she’s too worried about getting Covid and we have not had our second vacs yet. Standing in a Forrest with a friend who is crying (Covid meant her husband lost his job, her fighter has anxiety and depression etc etc) and feeling useless is just something that makes one feel “flat” I guess

Yes the weather has been shit, this never ending cold wind!

Right. So I am off for another stormy/rainy run

Sending love to all other flat MNers

Fighter=daughter

OP "I can't hear properly when anyone talks to me"

I pretended to hear a conversation at work earlier. Then I got home and emailed "could you please clarify". It probably makes me look stupid.

I am glad you started this thread because I have been thinking "why don't I feel better". It will take more time.

I am still forcing myself to exercise too, and as soon as it is over I seem to revert back to how I felt before. Perhaps we should keep the thread running, and see what helps. Some warm sun would make all the difference. Should we take Vit D?

I am sad for so many of us feeling the same, I don't feel so alone but feel for everyone out there experiencing the same or similar. I don't talk about in RL because who needs more bad news, so try to remain chirpy in RL. Inside I am just thinking when can I please go home. I have actually cancelled a few things, as I can't work out the effort to go anywhere until it warms up. I am wearing full on winter clothes, and the other night a ski jacket and gloves!! I know we will prob look back and laugh, and remember this as resilience. Right now it feels more of like endurance on a never ending escalator.

I take Vit D daily,...except I forget often, makes no difference. Won't be buying it again.

Sorry for typos posted too soon.

I am surprised it is still this hard though, really quite blindsided by that. I would have done anything - sold a kidney for a hair cut, and a glass of vino with a dinner someone else prepared in a cold pub garden back in Jan! It all feels abit crap though doesn't it in reality, no one could describe it as fun (unless I am going to the wrong places!!) The sheer effort of it all makes the experience not worth it.
We have timed tables here (you have to book weeks/a month in advance) and the kitchens were so late sending out the food we only had 3 minutes to eat it. It cost nearly 90.00 in total and was virtually inedible and stone cold the white wine was the only warm thing on the table! How is anyone enjoying this?! I couldn't move for layers and was still developing hypothermia. The best thing about it was leaving!

Oh gosh. This describes me and my husband. We’ve been spending the last couple of weeks trying to figure out what ok earth is wrong with us!
On paper, things are in the up and getting back to normal but we are just SO TIRED. I’m dreading having to do even more!

My friends and family annoy me too and I’ve no idea why? I loved spending time with friends before and they’re good people!! I feel terrible about it!

I’d have thought that now things are getting better id feel better but I feel worse!

@Summercocktailsinthesnow

massive yes that is it, I was feeling better in the lockdown in mid winter preparing for now. But now has arrived, it is nothing like what I thought it would be. I was ordering new dresses, booking trips and getting excited about the summer. But now reality is here, it is raining, not summer dress weather and we are all too tired to work up the energy to enjoy anything.

Maybe if the weather improves and we take some time off.....she says clutching at straws.

I am happyfor you non and hope you enjoy your plans.

I could have written exactly this. I've been fine literally until this morning. I woke up at 5.30am and just lay there thinking what's the fucking point? I've worked non stop since Christmas 2019 with one week off last July and of course it rained all week and 10 days over Christmas when I just fell asleep half the time. And the odd day off in between but there was no fun to he had.

Postponed this year's holiday (which was last year's holiday postponed) and booked a week in the UK. I can't get remotely excited about it because the weather is so unreliable.

I think I've hit a wall.

I need some lovely warm weather and some proper fun.

I’m so glad you posted this OP, because it’s reassuring to know I’m not alone. I’m a pessimist by nature so I thought perhaps it was just me.

‘Flat’ is exactly the word. I have a few social events on the calendar over the summer, including some with friends who I love dearly and whose company I have missed hugely over the past year...but I can’t say I feel particularly excited about any of it really.

I exercise most days as I teach fitness classes and it has been great to get back to face to face teaching (outdoors) instead of Livestreaming, but the buzz is short-lived. As soon as I’m on my way home again after class, the lethargy and flat feeling just comes straight back.

As many others have said, the weather isn’t helping. I’m on the South coast where we have had a fair bit of sun lately, but it’s still just a little too cold to comfortably sit outside for any length of time.

And there is this feeling of fragility about everything. We’ve all seen how easily our government can exert control over us, and how readily the majority of us complied. Please note, I’m not criticising the lockdowns and measures that were put in place- I understand the reasons and was willing to do my part. But something has changed, psychologically. As another poster said- government directives about when we are ‘allowed’ to hug people we love, or hold the hand of a relative in a care home has felt very dystopian. I suppose it makes everything feel fragile and unpredictable.

I hope we all begin to feel a bit more content in time, and I think it could take a while.

Flat is exactly the right word. Whilst I'm sorry so many of you are feeling it, this thread has definitely made me feel less alone as most people I know IRL seem really excited about holidays and meals out etc and I just don't feel it. Had a day off today but struggled to motivate myself to do anything with it. It has been a long slog this last year and I can feel myself getting more withdrawn and disconnected as time goes on

I'm not feeling flat exactly, but I live in the area that currently has the highest rates of Covid due to a large school outbreak so I'm now concerned that it will end up in DS's school too soon. I'd hate to have to isolate just as everything is opening up! I hope rates go down again here soon.

It’s the masks for me. Always having to remember them. Having to decide what makeup to wear to account for them. Getting all sweaty and warm under them. Once they’ve gone I think I’ll finally feel a bit more normal.

Returning to work after mat leave (nov 19-feb 21) was a major low point as it was the final realisation I wouldn’t have any maternity leave left with even a few weeks of normality. Realising I’d spend all but two months of it (which were mostly in hospital) with restrictions.

The weather has been cheering me up though, it was raining so hard earlier it stung my face. The wet cold weather is my favourite so it’s been really perking me up to look outside or go out and feel the rain.

I am flat as a pancake. Don't want to hug anyone. CBA to take the bin out. I was so productive today thinking that would help. No. What's the actual point. I can do 100 things and there's still 1000 more.

It's down to few things IMO:

-We are still shell-shocked and traumatised
-We've seen things get better before, we've had promises and hope before, and we lost it all.
-Every time some bit of hope comes, something snatches it awa (or seems to thanks to the media).
-The weird controlled social interactions seem contrived.

I hope this feeling, or lack of it, will pass.

I feel the same and I think ill feel the same until things go 100% back to normal.
Ive got a 1 year old and got some time off with my DO soon for family time and it still feels difficult to make simple plans, everywhere is busy, time limited, booked up, over priced or expected to wear uncomfortable masks for indoor activities. Theres also the unknowing of whether places are even gonna be open. We'll probably not end up doing anything. It's just all so dull.

Masks. I can’t bear them. I hate wearing them, I hate looking at them on other people, I hate all the vitriol around exemptions and the abuse of people who aren’t wearing them, and most of all I hate that there’s no indication whatsoever for when they will be going away. I love travel and look forward so much to going places for work and for holidays, but we won’t be going on holiday abroad if we have to wear masks because wtf is the point of spending all that money when you won’t feel normal. What’s the point of putting make up on to go out looking nice when you have to mess it up taking a piece of fabric on and off your face every two seconds. I just hate it 😞