What are your teenage daughters like?

You see a normal teen with no mental health issues, but you're struggling so much with her that you need to post on here to ask if it's normal?

One of the reasons my mental health was shot to so much shit in my teens and beyond was because my parents decided I was a normal teenager for as long as it suited their narrative and preference for me to be, but a terrible monster when they wanted to make out how dreadful I made their lives.

If she wants mental health support, why not help her to get it?

She sounds like she's struggling. She said she wants therapy. Get the girl some therapy!

My teen DD is nothing like this and is not more emotional than my teen DS.

i do wonder if she would beneift from some kind of support - have you spoken to the sixth form for their take on her?

My DD (16) is not like this either. Sure she has off days, but don't we all. She is way less emotional than her DS was at the same age. But she has said she gets anxious, and has spoken to both the school nurse and the school counselor over lockdown. It sounds as though your DD is asking for help - I think you need to see what you can do about it.

She was always quite a 'high spirited' child but not too bad as a teen until the last few months

Sounds like you've had it easy so far!

Go easy on her...After a year of lockdown, I'm grumpy, tearful, cross and my preference would be to lie in bed all day and not get up. And I'm not a teenager!

If she wants therapy, see if you can get her some. Honestly, after the past year, a lot of us could do with talking through our feelings with an impartial third person.

Mines lovely

Due to medical issues about 2/3 years ago she did have mental health problems

Unfortunately she loathed the therapist and the psychiatrist we got her

Mental health services are under a lot of pressure at the moment but i think you can access some support through talking therapy on the phone

That might be worth looking at as ‘get her a therapist’ maybe harder than it seems as the moment

Sorry to hear you're both struggling.

My daughter is 21 now but she was quite a sensitive teenager, she worried about fitting in with her peers a bit. She was (and still is) very kind and I never really had a nasty side with her, if anything I tried to push her to be more direct with people and say no more. She's definitely getting better at that now she's an adult thankfully.

This the first time we have had a lockdown, no one knows how anyone is going to deal with the fall out.
Children and teens have had it worse, in the same way as the eldest remember the war, this young generation will remember lock down.

My DD, 16, is very similar and has found lockdown especially hard. We got her therapy, private at first until we could access CAMHS. That seems to have helped (CBT) but she is still quite anxious and stressed at times and struggling with school. At least the therapy has provided her with some strategies for when she isn't coping so well. My suggestion is to speak to the school and GP and try to get therapy.

Sounds very similar to my post puberty 12 year old. She tried to kill herself last month. Out of the blue.

What’s the favourite saying on here...”if someone tells you who they are, listen”???

She’s telling you. Listen.

Your daughter is telling you she needs help. Trust her judgment on this and support her in getting the help she seeks.

Obviously it's impossible for anyone to know from this brief description if most people would put her in the 'normal teen' or the 'needing help' camp (and obviously those aren't clear cut descriptions with no overlap/grey area anyway).

I understand not wanting to pathologise (if that's the right word) feelings within the 'normal' spectrum of experience. (That's a clumsy way of putting it, I hope you know what I mean.) But I also don't see what harm therapy would do if she wants it and feels it would help her (assuming you can afford it).

I was very miserable for a period as a teenager. It coincided with my mum being depressed. The/Her narrative was very much that she was 'depressed' and I was 'hormonal'. I came through it, and have pretty good mental health most of the time as an adult. But I do feel that my feelings then were dismissed on account of my age/stage of life in a way that was unhelpful and unfair.

And to add, whilst I bought in private counselling what was offered by CAMHS was a world better than anything my money could buy. I appreciate that is not everyone’s experience though. Best of luck.

I would start ringing round to find a therapist, her having someone to talk to out of the family could help you all.Teenagers can be very hard work but if she says she is depressed then please take note.

DD at uni halls so I don't have to much daily stress. She likes us to send her money.

Op, I really sympathise, I could have written your post, my 17 year old teen is exactly the same, except I suggested and arranged some counselling and she only went three times as she said it wasn't helping. Lockdown has taken it out of her too. And I think it's been especially hard for sixth formers and university students.

If your dd is asking for help I would definitely try and get it for her. I don't think most teens find it easy to ask for help as a rule. Can you dig down and find out what specifically is worrying her? Sometimes just the reassurance from someone else other than their parent that what they are experiencing is "normal" or at least fairly common, can be helpful.

One of the reasons my mental health was shot to so much shit in my teens and beyond was because my parents decided I was a normal teenager for as long as it suited their narrative and preference for me to be, but a terrible monster when they wanted to make out how dreadful I made their lives

I'm really sorry you had such a dreadful time as a teen DrSbaitso. I don't know your circumstances and wouldn't presume to comment on them. But if I may speak in very general terms, from my current individual perspective as the mother of teens, , I don't think what you have written above is as contradictory as you might think. I love my DD so much, I am very worried about her, at the same time I think she is a pretty normal teen and she is really putting us through the mill atm. She can be delightful one minute and vile the next, just as the op describes. I think it is possible to be both when you are a "normal" emotionally labile adolescent.

Obviously some teens may need more help more help than others and if a teen asks for help them I would definitely try and help them to get the support they need.

Again, not commenting on your individual circumstances DrSbaitsobut but I was very relieved to see the op's comments on this thread as it is almost word for word what my DD says, about hating our decoration and wanting to move out and live on her own. She also "hates" me, doesn't hesitate to point out my failings every day, and hates almost every aspect of her home life. It is quite hurtful and I have been desperately worried these past few years that it was my individual parenting that was causing this issue and that I had completely failed as a parent. (I'm not saying I am a perfect parent by any means, I have made lots of mistakes, but I have always put my DC first above anything else and tried really hard for them.) But threads like this remind me that it is, to a degree "normal" for a teen DD to become disenchanted with family life and want to strike out on her own. And these emotional ups and downs are nature's way of cutting a teen girl off from her family and preparing her to become an independent adult. It's a very hard process to go through sometimes . It's very hard for the adolescent themselves, and sorry, but it can be very hard for their parents too. Part of me knows that DD doesn't realise how difficult and wearying her behaviour is and that is what is getting me through atm but honestly, the tension and emotional upset every day is taking a toll on my own mh.

If you’re struggling so much with her, isn’t that a sign the therapy might be a good idea? Teens have had the absolute worst of it with this pandemic and so many of them are struggling. Therapy might be exactly what she needs to help her process everything she’s been through in the last year.

Op maybe the following would be a place to start?

youngminds.org.uk/

www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/c/children-and-young-people

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/for-children-and-young-people/

It's just awful to be not believed / denied the help you ask for as a teen when you say you need it but parents don't. If she's asking for therapy, please get her some.

Dd is 12 like this...hates our decor too.....she sees a school councellor...it helps.

My DD is 17 and has off days but is nothing like this. Glad you have sorted some help for her. Hope she gets well soon x

It's like living in a haunted house. Nothing - peace and silence - for ages. Then a shadowy movement glimpsed out of the corner of the eye accompanied by slamming doors and a distant moaning sounds. Occasionally things - e.g. crockery, the peanut butter jar, confectionery wrappers, items of clothing, school books etc - are found in places where they shouldn't be as if they have been moved by an unearthly presence.