My DS are 18, 20 and 22. They were 1,3 and 5 when I left their father. I was always honest and told them that the reason their father and I divorced was because I left him after falling in love with somebody else. I have never said this was right, but I have always been honest about it.
What I never told my DS is that the reason that I wasn't happy with their father is because he was violent towards me. I knew that they had been too young to remember anything and I have made sure that none of my family members have told them anything. I felt that whatever had happened between myself and my ex as a married couple, didn't need to affect their relationship as father and sons.
He was never violent towards the children.
So now the ex has a new girlfriend (he has been married and divorced again after me) and it seems that history is repeating itself. She took it upon herself to send me photos after a violent fight with him, and she also sent them to my oldest son. My oldest son told his younger brothers about these photos. The ex's GF told me that she was going to police, pressing charges and that she would be telling them he had a past and that I'd had a restraining order against him at one point. My fear was that the boys would find out about the past by the authorities turning up on my doorstep, so I told them what had happened between me and their father.
I feel terrible. I feel that I have tainted their relationship with him. The ex has told me that I've made him look bad and that the boys didn't need to know, and that I was just waiting until the best time to turn them against him. My oldest will no longer speak to him. I never wanted them to know about this and I am fuming because I feel that she left me no choice.
Did I do the right thing or should I have kept it to myself?