If you don't have or want children, why are you here?

[pepsicolagirl]

Disclaimer: I do not mean this in a rude way. I just couldn't think of a better way to phrase it.

I have seen a few messages across the mumsnet forums from women who are happily child free which is great and of course there is nothing wrong with at all.

But it always makes me wonder why you would be a member of a website called mumsnet if you are not and have no wish to be a mum?
So, if this is you, do you mind me asking why?

@pepsicolagirl

Disclaimer: I do not mean this in a rude way. I just couldn't think of a better way to phrase it.

I have seen a few messages across the mumsnet forums from women who are happily child free which is great and of course there is nothing wrong with at all.

But it always makes me wonder why you would be a member of a website called mumsnet if you are not and have no wish to be a mum?
So, if this is you, do you mind me asking why?

Not a parent and not sure if I want kids, however it was an article in the daily mail that lead me to here, the infamous penis beaker, article,.as other posters have also said there are any number of articles that are not parent based so although the name implys being a parent, the contents of the site offer a lot more.

Wide range of topics ,serious and fun. Help and advice on almost everything. My friends and family aren't all childless and my interest in Mumsnet reflects this.

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

it's predominantly a thread for women. If you consider a woman's thoughts and opinions to be solely defined by whether or not she has reproduced, or is considering doing so, that's fine. I disagree, and feel sorry for your limited vision, but you're entitled to your opinion.

@pepsicolagirl never said any of those things. She simply asked what attracted people to mumsnet if it wasn’t child related things.

I was looking for relationship advice about 8 years ago, did a Google search, and this website came up!

Then I got addicted to AIBU

I don’t have children yet, but I’m here because it’s a great community of (mostly) women where I’ve learned lots of things and have easy access to great advice about loads and loads of different topics.

@NameChangedForThisFeb21

I want children but it might not happen now.

However, I first discovered MN through a little magical website called Google, maybe you’ve heard of it?

If you’ve ever googled anything at all really like “is The Ordinary skincare any good?” “Can you catch chickenpox if you had it already as a child?” “Tranexamic acid real life experiences” “Where should I shop now I’m in my thirties?” you might be completely and utterly astounded but that magical little website “Google” actually sends you links to Mumsnet with threads about the exact thing you’ve searched AND it doesn’t ask you to provide your DCs birth certificates or upload any proof that you are trying to conceive.

Also, I sadly may not have my own children but I do need advice in caring for children in my family and friendship circle - some of us are aunts, godmothers, girlfriends of parents, teachers, ta’s, babysitters or simply don’t know how to deal with a toddler that isn’t ours but maybe our sister or sil or bff’s child that trashes our house when they come to visit.

I really don’t see why some people find it that hard to understand.

Is it a Mean Girls thing? “You can’t sit with us unless you are a Mummy” tinkly laugh, head tilt, sneer?

The vast majority of posts on this site have NOTHING to do with motherhood or children. There’s the OLD threads, the Yoga threads, The Diet threads, Stately Homes, Princessing etc. Do you only go on the parenting posts or something?

Also try the magical little Google search engine. It will link you to hundreds of MN threads identical to yours if you need more research.

I think you are reading a meaning from the OP that wasn’t intended at all. She just wondered how people came across it.

I don’t have kids but I came here to see if there were discussions about people who are unsure whether parenthood is for them and what the experience of parenting is like and sure enough there are loads. I’ve always accepted that it’s a parenting site first and foremost, that’s what brought me here.

No, I’m literally reading the thread title and the OP.

She didn’t ask - “how did you originally find it?”

She said, twice, in her title and her OP, “if you don’t have or want children why are you here?”.

And you can say “I don’t mean to be rude”
but still be rude and goady.

Also, I originally found my way here after reading Mumsnet Madness on Twitter for a while, saw a particularly intriguing post on there so followed the link for the actual thread to read through and have never looked back.

Now when I read the posts in Mumsnet Madness I feel weirdly defensive for the OP’s that are having the piss ripped out of them.

@NameChangedForThisFeb21

No, I’m literally reading the thread title and the OP.

She didn’t ask - “how did you originally find it?”

She said, twice, in her title and her OP, “if you don’t have or want children why are you here?”.

And you can say “I don’t mean to be rude”
but still be rude and goady.

Right so you couldn’t read the whole OP and comprehend it, but you could manage an eight paragraph response with an entirely fictional flight of fancy including “...mean fields..head tilt, tinkly laugh, sneer”?

Wow. You are deeply unpleasant and bitter, aren’t you? See someone.

OP was really very diffident, apologetic and explanatory.

You, well....

@QueenOfPain

I don’t have children yet, but I’m here because it’s a great community of (mostly) women where I’ve learned lots of things and have easy access to great advice about loads and loads of different topics.

Why can’t everyone say sane, proportionate, sensible stuff like that?

I'm justified and ancient and I was trying to log on to my own tribe's chat forum; but I mistyped and ended up here.

It really opened up my eyes to the diversity of the world - there are some great people on here (and not too many 'other' sorts). Most of them don't even drive an ice cream van, which shocked me at first, but I've grown to like this place regardless.

I hope you understand.

Why do these posts persistently crop up? Fgs OP, a great deal of the site is not to do with bloody mums/children. I'm sick of people repeatedly asking this moronic question.

No kids, but find it interesting in general. A lot of it is about human relationships and how people work and I've learnt lots. And I also think it's a perfectly valid question to ask and don't really get why people are jumped on each time it's asked. I am a partial outsider and I don't see why we should pretend otherwise.

I'm a step mum, came here when I stumbled across it seeking advice.
I'm not an evil one either
I found this site helpful when I needed to leave my abusive H. Lots of good advice, I never realised it was true abuse until I found resources such as the freedom programme etc. I thank Mumsnet every day since I broke free.

Last time I checked it wasn’t just for Mums gossiping and whining on a chat board, there’s actually a whole melting pot of opinions and ideas from all walks of life. Many people I know IRL are shocked when they hear I’m on here as a childless carefree independent user, a lot scoff thinking it’s just about Aldi recipes and MIL bashing. It never ceases to amaze me at the cross section of society you can interact with here, I love it and am going nowhere.

Disclaimer: I’m also one of the ‘no kids so my life’s incredible and stress free’ braggers. 😆😘 Apparently it’s an agenda thing? 🤣

@Chunkymenrock

Why do these posts persistently crop up? Fgs OP, a great deal of the site is not to do with bloody mums/children. I'm sick of people repeatedly asking this moronic question.

Because sadly, so many women still define themselves by the fact they're mothers. It's fascinating in a wtf kind of way. I mean, I'm a mother, but come to MN (and have been coming to MN for 17 years) to NOT talk about being a mother! I find the fact that on a weekly basis posters think it's remotely OK to even ask such a barbed "because if you've not had a child you shouldn't be here" yawnfest. And, no, OP, spare us the "I'm not meaning to offend" rubbish. You so are.

* I think what the OP means is what attracted you to the site in the first place. Which is a perfectly valid question to wonder about.*

^Exactly this. I wouldn’t join a football forum as I have no interest in it. Most people who have heard of Mumsnet would argue that it is a parenting site first and foremost.

Interestingly I actually found mumsnet when my partner and I were talking about whether or not to have children. We googled something like 'should I have kids' and came upon a huge mumsnet thread on why we should not. It was really informative and certainly helped put my partners thoughts in order (he could only think of the good stuff and was genuinely blind to the shit parts of parenthood). I've stayed, I particularly enjoy the style and property boards, I've learnt about investing, skin care, gardening. And I've been reassured that I am very happily childfree

Because, years ago, I wanted relationship advice so Googled "relationship advice" and MN came up in the results. Not a parent and have no wish to be, but I thought it was an interesting place so I stayed.

Why can’t everyone say sane, proportionate, sensible stuff like that?

Why do non parents constantly have to justify why they are on here? It's not a club and no scan pictures were needed for signing up. It's a chat site on the internet that anyone can, and do, access that has a lot of women on it.

I am a mum but I don't come on here for anything to do with parenting - I like AIBU so regardless of if I had kids I would be on here anyway

Why can’t everyone say sane,proportionate, sensible stuff like that?

Like this to a poster who seems to be childless against her wishes?

Wow. You are deeply unpleasant and bitter, aren’t you? See someone.

I actually gasped when I read that. It’s very cruel and uncalled for.

I have to admit I’m always a bit perplexed at these threads and their frequency. I have children but don’t often frequent the parenting threads. I can’t remember how I first found MN but I don’t think it was a parenting thread. I don’t assume all posters have kids and wouldn’t feel the need to question why they read or posted on here. It covers so many topics.

Maybe @MNHQ could amend the thread title to “how did you discover MN” rather than “why are you here”.

Unless presenting the fruit of your womb is a requirement to have an account then anyone can post here.

Lots of women come to Mumsnet to become mums...the TTC section is a giant clue.

Others might be step mums, aunties, Godmothers, or work with children.

Then there is just the very simple fact that childless or childfree women are very much a minority. They're excluded from life in many ways, but here they can engage and chat with other people like them (it's mostly women on here), who share the same interests and concerns, and who aren't defined solely by being mum.