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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you don't have or want children, why are you here?

277 replies

pepsicolagirl · 09/05/2021 13:40

Disclaimer: I do not mean this in a rude way. I just couldn't think of a better way to phrase it.

I have seen a few messages across the mumsnet forums from women who are happily child free which is great and of course there is nothing wrong with at all.

But it always makes me wonder why you would be a member of a website called mumsnet if you are not and have no wish to be a mum?
So, if this is you, do you mind me asking why?

OP posts:
flippertygibbit · 09/05/2021 14:10

I was searching for something on google health related and found a post which led me here. I rarely comment on 'parenting things' although sometimes I do. like today. I'm not sure why I stay, I find myself getting very frustrated at some questions and it comes over too blunt when I respond. The 'trans' and political discussions have taught me a lot I wouldn't previously have read about.

Redglitter · 09/05/2021 14:12

A Google search brought me here initially. Most of the subjects discussed here have nothing to do with parenting and are relevant to those of us without children

Just because people don't have children doesn't mean their input to threads isn't valid.

Branleuse · 09/05/2021 14:13

i have kids but know people who dont that use mumsnet as its such a varied large group of women discussing all sorts of topics.
I think mumsnet has a lot more women who dont have children, than say netmums or babyworld which are more parenting orientated. Mumsnet is so broad and diverse. It seems to have evolved into a board for adult women. I think its great to have such a broad range of women

ArnoJambonsBike · 09/05/2021 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NiceTwin · 09/05/2021 14:15

Instead of asking why, just ask yourself why not?

SecretSpAD · 09/05/2021 14:15

@pepsicolagirl ahh in that case I apologise for my sarky response. I think I googled something and fell down a rabbit hole that is AIBU...

dottiedodah · 09/05/2021 14:20

I am a parent ,however when I get together with my RL friends (when we are allowed of course!) We dont talk about our DC all the time! It amazes me that so many people want to pigeonhole others into "Mums" Child free Ladies" "Dog lovers" and so on ! We are not one dimensional you know!I liken it on here to having a nice chat over a really big garden wall!with other PEOPLE not just Mums! Heavens above, there have even been some of those males on here (Not just Dads either!)

Speakingmymind · 09/05/2021 14:25

Your title is exceptionally goady. So for all your faux 'I didn't mean it', I expect you did and you backpeddled when called out on it.

Good forums are hard to find. Lots of topics on MN are not child based. Anyway, would you exclude someone from these forums who wanted children but could never have them? Someone who had children and now doesn't?

Imnotcrazyjustdrunk · 09/05/2021 14:26

Because I'm an aunt and a godmother.
Is that ok with you?

Daphnise · 09/05/2021 14:27

Perhaps AIBU should be child free!

mooonstone · 09/05/2021 14:29

you sound very simple minded

I mean, isn’t the answer obvious? There’s 1000s of threads here that don’t involve pregnancy or raising children such as: relationships; work; style and beauty; legal matters; health advice; current affairs; politics; shows, education etc.

The people who don’t have or want children just ignore those specific threads? It doesn’t mean their input elsewhere isn’t valuable.

You’re acting like people have specifically typed in a forum for mums into google to post on. When in reality, this website is that popular that it appears in a wide array of internet searches unrelated to pregnancy/motherhood. It’s renowned amongst the British public to the extent that it’s not that niche anymore.

I found this website after someone posted a thread trashing my old employer who has nothing to do with motherhood 🤷🏼‍♀️

Confusedaboutlots · 09/05/2021 14:31

i am a mum but most posts aren’t about parenting

silly question

rosegoldivy · 09/05/2021 14:31

Because the AIBU pages give me fuckin life.

I love a good bun fight over fuck all. Watching posters rip each other to shreds over passive aggressive comments that have fuck all to do about the original posters bat shit crazy in laws.

Luuuuuvvvvvvv it. Pass me the popcorn.

CJSmith2019 · 09/05/2021 14:32

@Speakingmymind

Your title is exceptionally goady. So for all your faux 'I didn't mean it', I expect you did and you backpeddled when called out on it.

Good forums are hard to find. Lots of topics on MN are not child based. Anyway, would you exclude someone from these forums who wanted children but could never have them? Someone who had children and now doesn't?

Exactly.

OP, what possible difference does it make to you, if I as another user, have ten children or none? You are just a user of the forum, same as thousands of others. Plus it's been done to death, as a topic, and tbh, it never seems well meaning as a question.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 09/05/2021 14:33

The “why are you here” actually sounds like you are asking why people even exist. Or at least that’s what I first thought. Either way, you do sound rude, and judgemental and not terribly open minded.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 09/05/2021 14:33

it's predominantly a thread for women.
If you consider a woman's thoughts and opinions to be solely defined by whether or not she has reproduced, or is considering doing so, that's fine.
I disagree, and feel sorry for your limited vision, but you're entitled to your opinion.

RickiTarr · 09/05/2021 14:36

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

it's predominantly a thread for women. If you consider a woman's thoughts and opinions to be solely defined by whether or not she has reproduced, or is considering doing so, that's fine. I disagree, and feel sorry for your limited vision, but you're entitled to your opinion.
What’s a thread for women? Confused

Stop your nasty little pile on.

OP very graciously admitted her mistake more than half an hour ago.

Go and find someone else to be chippy to.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 09/05/2021 14:37

I want children but it might not happen now.

However, I first discovered MN through a little magical website called Google, maybe you’ve heard of it?

If you’ve ever googled anything at all really like “is The Ordinary skincare any good?” “Can you catch chickenpox if you had it already as a child?” “Tranexamic acid real life experiences” “Where should I shop now I’m in my thirties?” you might be completely and utterly astounded but that magical little website “Google” actually sends you links to Mumsnet with threads about the exact thing you’ve searched AND it doesn’t ask you to provide your DCs birth certificates or upload any proof that you are trying to conceive.

Also, I sadly may not have my own children but I do need advice in caring for children in my family and friendship circle - some of us are aunts, godmothers, girlfriends of parents, teachers, ta’s, babysitters or simply don’t know how to deal with a toddler that isn’t ours but maybe our sister or sil or bff’s child that trashes our house when they come to visit.

I really don’t see why some people find it that hard to understand.

Is it a Mean Girls thing? “You can’t sit with us unless you are a Mummy” tinkly laugh, head tilt, sneer?

The vast majority of posts on this site have NOTHING to do with motherhood or children. There’s the OLD threads, the Yoga threads, The Diet threads, Stately Homes, Princessing etc. Do you only go on the parenting posts or something?

Also try the magical little Google search engine. It will link you to hundreds of MN threads identical to yours if you need more research.

MonsterMash2210 · 09/05/2021 14:38

I came across this site long before I had children. Wasn’t even sure if I wanted children when I found this site.

Only started joining in long after I had children.

Very long time lurker.

knightinshiningwhatever · 09/05/2021 14:41
Biscuit
lidoshuffle · 09/05/2021 14:45

I am not a mum but I had a mum so that qualifies me to be here! Grin

GrandTheftWalrus · 09/05/2021 14:45

I used mumsnet when I had no children. I'd mainly use aibu and TV etc I wouldn't comment on parenting threads but plenty to keep me occupied.

Now I have a child and another on the way and I'm still here. But even if I didn't I would still be here. No need for children to comment on a "worst date" thread etc.

Ineedaduvetday · 09/05/2021 14:56

OP very graciously admitted her mistake more than half an hour ago.

Or could be seen as an about face when challenged.

BilboBercow · 09/05/2021 14:57

Came for Penis Beaker, stayed for Feminism. I don't think I've ever posted a child related thread.

Coldwine75 · 09/05/2021 14:58

I think that all the time, Mumsnet is 'by parents, for parents'..................