To ask for positive stories of ASD children struggling in primary but thriving in secondary?

[DillyDallyDollie]

I am utterly exhausted having to fight for support for my DS10. He has a diagnosis of ASD, anxiety, sensory and speech issues. He is ‘fine in school’ say his teachers.

Support currently offered is based around adjustments for him rather than any practical support. Adjustments made since reception but things are worse in year 6.

His behaviour at home has us at our limits; angry outbursts every day. He is under CAMHS and other therapists for his extreme behaviour.
He hates school.

I’ve spoken to the SENCO in his new secondary and it’s the same offer he currently has; minor adjustments that are going to make little difference to how he copes with school.

Such as offering him a seat at the back of the class, allowing him to leave class earlier, not asking him to read aloud. He has these adjustments now and they just do not work!

The new SENCO believes DS will be fine in school as his attendance in primary has been excellent . (School don’t see the issues I have each morning trying to get him out of the door on time. We have to set our alarms 2.5 hours early before school starts!).

He does not have an EHCP (that’s a whole other thread). I’ve given up and I will just have to hope for the best come September.

Does anyone have experience of a child struggling in primary flourishing in secondary?

Watching thread with interest, my child did not make year 7 transition despite many attempts. Drafting EHCP plan but LA refusing to consider EOTAS (education other than at school) as an option, I think child would do better in a college environment instead. I am not interested in forcing child to school again already had years of that.

@Omgnamechange you say your child didn’t make transition. What do you mean?

to everyone for the replies . They are very reassuring. I know I will need to apply and fight for an EHCP.

The support in place is not enough to help him access his education in a positive, relaxed way. How can any child learn when they are so stressed?

@purplebagladylovesgin I will contact IPSEA. You sound very knowledgeable on disability and adjustments.

To the pp who suggested I have no hope of actual support without an EHCP . I agree .

DS needs a key worker to help him be organised, help with his speech in class and to help him engage in the lesson. It just won’t happen if he is left to it .

To make matters worse, DS will not allow me to talk about transition and expectations at all. He becomes very distressed at the mention of school.

Oh op sending you some

I am seconding IPSEA who are an amazing organisation.

I would also recommend looking at some support for you. I’ve found being a SEN mum bloody hard and recently realised I needed to get some support. Counselling has really helped and Contact A Family run a free parent well-being evening course which is brilliant

Should have said all that is online

I’m very concerned by the school’s attitude. They can’t just refuse to make reasonable adjustments for a child with a disability. I would take advice from IPSEA and then arrange a meeting with the school. They have a duty to make RAs, and if this is going to work they need to be working with you.

@Foxhasbigsocks I now have the contact a family website bookmarked I’m going to read through it today and I’ll look out for the parents evening. Thankyou.

@SinkGirl I know The Senco did say they would work with me and help DS to make his transition as smooth as possible but there are compulsory aspects where adjustments can not be made. For example, he has to wear the school jacket and he will be expected to do homework but if it’s an issue (it will be!) they will take that in to consideration but what that consideration is, wasn’t clear.

Two children now 15 and 13, both ASD and fine in primary (did so well we didn't even start to think they had ASD until year 6/7).

Both crashed at secondary. Struggled through year 7 with very little support and down to lack of support in (the dreadful) school each had a mental breakdown in the autumn term of year 8.

My son was out of school for 9 months while we got his EHCP. He's now in a new mainstream with an autism unit and doing really well. My daughter has been out of school for 6 months, was nearly sectioned due to mental health issues caused by school and will hopefully be going to a special school when she is better.

The sad thing is, if they started secondary with an EHCP, and the school had given them support, they would both still be in normal mainstream.

Get an EHCP. Don't wait. It will be a struggle but you have to fight. The charity SOS-SEN were a fantastic support and run courses on how to go through the EHCP process.

Good luck

Oh, forgot to mention homework. A good SENCO with a good understanding of autism will tell you that children with ASD often struggle with homework. In the mind of an autistic child school is for school work and home is for play and mixing the two causes stress. My son (year 10) has been allowed to drop PE and one GCSE so he can do homework in school.

DS is currently melting down in his room because he’s been given a ten minute times table challenge to do for homework.

He says this ruins his whole day and he just wants a good day and with it being
Monday tomorrow , he will have to wait ages for a good day. Yet, he will be expected to do hours of homework each week

@stillplayswithtoys Homework club will be available but it is done during the child’s lunch time or as an after school club. I thought this was a good idea but DS will never give up his only “good” part of the day (lunch break) and will not stay in school a second longer than he has to.

I don’t mean to sound very negative, I know my DS very well and I know homework club will not appeal to him at all.

Honestly for primary school I’d tell them that homework isn’t happening. We used to do some of the homework but there were times when it was just too much.

Your son needs his down time and for weekends to be a time to recover and recharge.

@DillyDallyDollie it’s all a “demand” isn’t it and he probably needs the break to decompress. I know my dd does

[quote DillyDallyDollie]@stillplayswithtoys Homework club will be available but it is done during the child’s lunch time or as an after school club. I thought this was a good idea but DS will never give up his only “good” part of the day (lunch break) and will not stay in school a second longer than he has to.

I don’t mean to sound very negative, I know my DS very well and I know homework club will not appeal to him at all.[/quote]
You're not being negative, you're being realistic : homework club after school was a non starter, because, like you say, my son did not want to spend a second more in school than he had to. As I said before, now he's got the EHCP he has had homework taken off the table and when he is in year 9 to start doing some maths, English and science only. The school has an asd unit, so I trust them to know what they're doing 😬

@SnarkyBag I agree , I’m not going to push it but it’s the very encouragement of it that has set him off . It’s all so tricky , I don’t want him to think he has a get out of jail card for homework as he won’t get that in a few months, but I also don’t want to cause him this kind of distress.

My ds was an absolute nightmare in primary. Behaved ok in school but multiple daily meltdowns and violence at home. We were fobbed off by school and nhs again and again. It took years but we finally got him diagnosed with autism (privately) and adhd (via camhs). The nhs consultant told us he was writing to complain to Ed psych and paediatrician as he should have been diagnosed a lot earlier.
At the same time we had been battling for an ehcp which we eventually got. He was awarded a place at a private special school for the remainder of his primary years.

The positive news is that he moved to a mainstream secondary school for yr 7. Technically he is in an Asd unit, but he hardly uses it to be honest and spends the vast majority of his time with his peers. He has made friends and is doing ok academically. Back in primary, I could never have dreamed this would be possible for him. Secondary schools in my experience have much more understanding of the spectrum of special needs than primary schools so don’t give up hope and don’t give up the fight. It will be worth it. A good (specific and clear) ehcp is worth its weight in gold.

Also don’t be disheartened when you are fobbed off. My recommendations are to always have everything in writing. After a convo, follow it up with an email to confirm what was said. If a teacher or professional mentions anything to support your case, you have it to quote from in your evidence for assessment. Ask them relevant questions by email to get this info from them. Is there truly no issue at all at school? Masking is a thing though so the issues at home should be enough.
Treat this as if you are your own lawyer. Comb through the send code of practice. Bullet point clear evidence of what your child’s difficulties are and how it impacts his life. Relate this directly to the code and quote from it. It’s a lot of work, and it shouldn’t be this hard, but it is doable. I wish you lots of luck with it.

Watching with concern since both my DCs are autistic. the oldest is doing fine so far but my concern is their lack of adjustments with respect to homework and uniform. In that case, I would offer to solve their problem and make my own but keep a paper trail and everything in writing.

It is somewhat annoying to have to do their job for them but I know they are under a lot of pressure and by helping them make adjustments you can give them solutions to their problems wrt homework, uniform etc. A lot of problems are self-made to follow rules that don't actually help anyone or solve problems, so it would make sense to implement solutions and help them do so to design them out. One has to remember they are teachers first, not engineers but all complex systems need some engineering to make them work.

DS has ASD. Primary school was very difficult at times and we were hugely anxious about the transition to secondary - but it has been absolutely brilliant and he loves it. Positives include always knowing what's happening because of set timetable, a wider group of people so he has better friends, making a fresh start away from the assumptions people made about him at his small primary, male teachers in many subjects (his primary was all women and I do think it's helpful to have a mixture), different subjects (by Y6 of primary it's all about SATS and pretty boring). He's been welcomed into school clubs - again a much wider variety of these - and gets positive feedback about his efforts and politeness. Yes, there are blips but the experience of secondary school has been a huge amount happier.

Can't believe Secondary won't make changes to uniform for him. Know kids who wear a white t-shirt instead of shirt as can't bear the scratchy feeling of that dam shirt. Poor kid will be in agony all day. Its just cruel. Are schools not learning anything? Could you get an OT to do some sensory work with him between now and then to help with this.
I am a teacher in a Primary and we try to do a debriefing in the evening with ASD children so they don't have that meltdown when they get home which is very common. Our educational psychologist has told us to anticipate those meltdowns whether in school or at home time and get in there early to head it off. This has brought those down to a minimum and makes for a happier child, happier hometime. I absolutely hate schools having rigid rules and not taking the child's disability into account.

My ds has done well at high school, however we got an EHCP in progress at end of yr 6 that really helped. He has dual diagnosis and the CAMHs specialist pushed for ehcp, primary didn’t see the need. A friends ds was more academically behind with ASD and they didn’t have an ehcp. He really struggled and made very little progress in year 7. Got ehcp after parents applied in yr 8 and now thriving more.
I’m sorry to say but I would suggest gathering your evidence and applying for ehcp. Ime, primary schools do not fully appreciate who can get one and how high school will be so different, no TAs automatically etc

Agree with *Smithermetimbers, it is a lot of work and you become almost an expert, but it is worthwhile. Takes time and determination and I worry for those parents who can’t do this as it shouldn’t be our role.

@junebirthdaygirl can I just say you sound like a wonderful teacher - what a brilliant idea to do the debriefs

That was a recommendation years ago from an Educational Psychologist. We just carried it forward to other children. We are constantly trying to learn things that work and will try those strategies with other students then. It's all part of building up a body of experience with different children. Most important is wanting to help, wanting to be flexible

@junebirthdaygirl How I wish everyone had your excellent attitude!!!

@DillyDallyDollie so end of year 6 unable to attend school at all. Health went down. Tried preparing for year 7 with online tools. Plans for phased transition. Despite more than 20 attempts to go to school he never spent more than hour the 3 times he made it into the building.