To ask for positive stories of ASD children struggling in primary but thriving in secondary?

[DillyDallyDollie]

I am utterly exhausted having to fight for support for my DS10. He has a diagnosis of ASD, anxiety, sensory and speech issues. He is ‘fine in school’ say his teachers.

Support currently offered is based around adjustments for him rather than any practical support. Adjustments made since reception but things are worse in year 6.

His behaviour at home has us at our limits; angry outbursts every day. He is under CAMHS and other therapists for his extreme behaviour.
He hates school.

I’ve spoken to the SENCO in his new secondary and it’s the same offer he currently has; minor adjustments that are going to make little difference to how he copes with school.

Such as offering him a seat at the back of the class, allowing him to leave class earlier, not asking him to read aloud. He has these adjustments now and they just do not work!

The new SENCO believes DS will be fine in school as his attendance in primary has been excellent . (School don’t see the issues I have each morning trying to get him out of the door on time. We have to set our alarms 2.5 hours early before school starts!).

He does not have an EHCP (that’s a whole other thread). I’ve given up and I will just have to hope for the best come September.

Does anyone have experience of a child struggling in primary flourishing in secondary?

Homework at Secondary is a tricky one. You really cant consolidate and progress without it so cutting it down for an individual student is going to cause them problems.

However if the problem is not wanting to do school work at home, then you could use homework clubs (most secondaries run them) or arrange for him to access the sen resource base to do it there at lunchtime or straight after school.

@flashylamp That’s great your DC has achieved so much; you should be very proud!

I have a younger dd but wondering can’t homework be reduced for the less career-vital subjects eg RE without compromising on final academic results?

@sausagerole The professionals are also concerned and have offered to be present in meetings as they have said his transition needs to be handled very carefully.

Yes, I did win, and we got the plan in year 8. The mainstream school he is in are prepared to take homework off the table, PE off as well if he doesn't want to do it, just to get him in school. They really are doing all they can, and I couldn't see this happening without the EHCP in place.

@Rosebel thank you; you’ve given me some reassurance. DS does struggle with friendships and with his speech issues it’s difficult for him to reach out to people. I’m worried he won’t make new friends but I hope he does. It’s nice to hear your dd is doing so well.

What do you think would be beneficial in school to help your son to manage? If the adjustments he currently has aren’t helping, what do you think would be better for him?

The nature of secondary school is that pupils move from class to class. Can you think of anything, other than leaving a few minutes early, that would help?

You would have to be very clear, if applying for an EHCP, what difference you think it would make to allow better access to the curriculum and what would need to be put in place to make it happen.

Baby has just woken up so I’ll be away from the thread for a while. I’ll try to respond as soon as I can

My son has Aspergers and ADHD, found primary extremely difficult, school was very reluctant to do much to help him, I had to fight them all the way. He also had massive meltdowns at home, it was so stressful, I was dreading secondary, however, he got so much more help, great Senco, time out etc, they really worked with him to find the best solutions for things he found difficult, as a result he's a lot happier. He's in year 10 now and doing well.

Following as I have a neurodiverse child in yr5 with spld and likely ASD possibly also dyspraxia.

I went through a nightmare of a time with my DS as he was outrageous at home but Mr Perfect in school.

I ended up paying for some sessions with a child psychologist who specialised in ASD. It was expensive but I’d pay it again gladly. It was honestly life changing for him and me!

Through discussions with both of us she figured out his “triggers” (mostly school related) and gave me sone amazing advice. I met with his teacher and she was fully in board with the suggestions and he’s been amazing ever since.

Just to give you an example: he would be absolute hell at home if anything “different” was coming up (world book day, class party etc). Anxiety would build for over a week prior. Psychologist suggested both me and teacher stating “X is happening which you can try. If you don’t like it you can sit in the school office for a while”. His anxiety went! Just like that. Knowing he had “a get out” was life changing for him. He never took it but what a difference!

My son isn't at high school yet but will be in 2 years. I've already spoken to his secondary and he starts his transition this year. I've already said to the school that English could be a big problem for him and if it becomes an issue he will not be attending that class.

My son has attended 3 different primary schools because none of the previous ones suited his needs. He is currently thriving at this school.

I hated primary and secondary. I thrived in college.

Mine did well at primary (although massive 'meltdowns' when she got home) but struggled massively at secondary very quickly and ended up out of education for two years with severe anxiety. Got back in to education at age 14 and is doing well in a specialist ASD setting. If I could go back, I would have been much more proactive about having things set up and in place for secondary, pushed for the diagnosis, and most importantly not listened to primary who told me she wasn't having enough difficulty in school to get any extra help from anywhere.

Her original secondary were great to be fair, and put in a lot of different things to support her, even without an EHCP or diagnosis, but it was unfortunately to late for my dc- the anxiety was sky high and she couldn't attend. If I knew then what I know now things may have been better for her.

All the best for your family x

So nice to hear some positive stories on here. Thanks for this thread OP. My DS is just at the beginning of his school journey and not yet diagnosed but he has obvious issues and I am so scared for the future.
Thank you for some reassuring stories that it can improve. Fingers crossed for all our children who are struggling. x

My son starts secondary school on September and has asd. I am terrified as his communication is getting worse. We finally got his ehcp in March. It only took 3 attempts. Do not give up and if its refused appeal it. I did because I found out in 2019 over 90% of appeals were won by parents. I kept pushing and had an appeal set for last December. In November his case went back to the panel because once you appeal loads of extra people get involved. Their evidence was so clear I didn't get to tribunal because they decided to send his case back to the panel. He got awarded 16 hours at first but school fought back for him and now its 25. Do not give up I know how tough it is. Our diagnosis took 8 years and I'm still fighting for his eating disorder (arfid) and other conditions to be diagnosed. However if I don't fight for him nobody else will so I keep going as I am sure you will too, because your a fantastic mum and you got this.

My eldest.
He was a nightmare at preschool, diagnosed in year 4. Had a 1:1 throughout years 1-4, shared a 1:1 in years 6 &7 and then just flew like a bird in secondary school. He found his 'geek' and the size of the secondary school meant there were enough of the same for clubs and groups.

He was at a RG uni with two of his geek group and thrived.

The secret seems to be in the order, the way rules are applied and the way specialist subjects are encouraged. My son found this very comforting despite his difficulties.

My daughter's school has an extra resources room. It's used as a base for any child with SEN. They can have lunch and break there but also if a situation is becoming overwhelming for them there is always someone there to talk to.
The staff in that room do make an effort to know the children and their triggers.
It was good for my daughter as not only did she meet her friends there but she struggles with a lot of noise and people so having somewhere quieter to go really helped.
What didn't help was the fact neither me or my daughter were told about it and only found out about it by chance.
Anyway it might be worth asking if your secondary school has anything like that in place.

@DillyDallyDollie I'm in Scotland so things are a bit different here.
You really need to fight for the EHCP (or Scottish/welsh/N Ireland equivalent) as it is key.
We've finally got 1 for ds (asd,ADHD, tourettes and other issues) and he's been given a place in the local DAS (Disability Access Support) unit its sort of like a special school only it's attached to a mainstream school (all schools in Scotland must have 1 now) with class sizes of 5-10 sensory and calm rooms and each child gets a tailored plan with as much or as little mainstream as is needed/best for the child (this is the 1 thing about education that the SNP got right).
Ds starts high-school in August and I've been fighting for this for 3 years and since we got the good news about his placement that I haven't been worried about the move.
Good luck with the EHCP

I've just re-read your responses in the thread. The thing that sticks out is that the school are not making reasonable adjustments for a child with a disability.

My advice would be to see if you can get an online slot with IPSEA. You'll need to keep trying as the slots appear when the supporters have them.

They are very knowledgeable on the law surrounding adjustments at school and it will empower you to know how to ask.

I banged that drum loudly when the headteacher was really not understanding. I had a good email relationship with my sons form tutor and this helped greatly.

As a result I always took my son out of school if he needed a mental health catch up day. I always emailed the tutor to explain the lack of homework. I fought for the preservation of his mental health. My prime aim was to get him through school unscathed and I told his teachers this. I can quote the law on disability and woe betide any teacher who takes me on. No disabled child will be further disadvantaged on my watch!

You'll need evidence for the application of the EHCP. You can gather this daily. Keep a log. Every time he's stressed about school, the reason, the behaviour, the reaction, the result. All this, over time, will paint a picture of him masking and needed much more help.

Decades ago, my work was in adaptations for disabled children and young adults to enable them to cope, especially in school. I never thought I'd have to do this for my own children.

Yes, I am 'that' parent.

My son is doing much better in secondary for the following reasons:
Multiple teachers( they can't all hate him) they dont take everything so personally.
Clean slate.
Larger group from which to find friends.
Work is more challenging
Rules are clear
They will have dealt with far worse than a stressed autistic child in their time.
Ageing.....better self control.

Dd had some fabulous primary teachers and she staggered through primary. Primary put in for an EHCP in the summer term of Y6. The assessment was refused.
We went to mediation and it coincided with everything falling apart in Y7. We got her Assessment and the Plan. It's not perfect but it's better than we hoped. She has friends and is doing well academically..

Without an. EHCP you’ve got little to no hope of much support being pit in place.

It’s nearly always a fight to get one, then another fight to make sure it’s worth the paper it’s written on but 100% worth it.

Under the Equality Act, a reasonable adjustment would be not wearing a tie. You might find he wants to fit in with the rest so copes with the uniform but, as you say, this has a whole knock on at home. You won't get an EHCP without the school playing ball. Ideally, and this will be horrible, to get one, he needs to explode at school. Then they will do something.

Schools are really inflexible because how else can you contain 1500 hormonal kids in one place and make them do stuff they don't want to do. Unfortunately, much as teachers want to teach to the individual, with 30 in a class, you just can't and that isn't the worst pressure. The paperwork, scrutinies, target setting, producing data - endless data and the unrelentingness of it all means you just get through the day. Your child can read, write, sit on a chair, doesn't throw things, is communicative and pleasant. In the class there will be kids that can't do these things so the Neurodiverse who can manage just have to survive.

Things in our household improved immeasurably once we'd done with education.

I am autistic myself and found secondary much easier to manage. More kids to find a small circle of actual friends, less pressure to go undetected etc.

I think it can literally go either way. I hear if some thriving and others falling apart. Absolutely agree EHCP though.