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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child alone in car at supermarket

115 replies

weakpanda · 08/05/2021 20:19

AIBU to think of your child isn't old enough/safe enough to sit in the front seat of the car it's not safe to leave them alone in the car while you shop???

At Tesco earlier while loading my shopping i saw a child alone in the car next to mine. I got the refg of the car and was going to go into Tesco and let security know but then the mum came back and started shouting at him, think he had set an alarm off earlier as hazard lights were flashing.

She then started shouting at him to get into the back of the car as he wasn't old enough to sit in the front and it wouldn't be safe, this boy I'm guessing would have been around 7/8 years old, he was crying so much and then they left.

It's been bugging me all day, nothing I can do about it now but that poor boy

OP posts:

5zeds · 08/05/2021 22:57

What is it you are scared will happen to a seven year old sitting in a car??

Brokenpencilsarepointless · 08/05/2021 22:58

@toocold54

Pertinent information such as the child is not neuro typical would have been mentioned, otherwise her post would make little sense or contribution towards a thread about when to leave a child alone. You can throw out an age without including a viral piece of info like he has SEN. She didnt, so it's normal to assume we are talking about a typical 12 year old who hasnt been brought up to follow a simple instruction. At that age, he should be capable of sitting in a car.

fiheka · 08/05/2021 23:00

Surely it depends on the child?
Some children are very sensible and well behaved at that age and understand that they should not touch knobs as it could be dangerous. Others would be a nightmare if left alone in a car.

Also, some children do look younger than they are. My niece is 16 and still looks about 12-13. She has always looked much younger than she is, baby faced and short. It has been difficult for her mum as strangers judge her parenting based on thinking she is much younger than she is.

fiheka · 08/05/2021 23:02

@TuesdayRuby leaving a toddler in a car is different to an 8 or 12 year old though.

Onairjunkie · 08/05/2021 23:12

@Pebbledashery

I absolutely would never leave my DD in the car in that circumstance.. The only time I've ever left her in the car is when we've come out of the super market and it's raining.. I put her in the car first, leave the door open so she can still see me and load up car with shopping and take trolley back to the nearest bay, I'm back within 30 seconds.. I take her with me when I'm paying for petrol, or even if I've forgotten something in the house, I take her back inside with me. The poor boy you've described sounded very distressed.

See, to me, this all just sounds really excessive. What do you think will happen while you go back into the house?

Rno3gfr · 08/05/2021 23:13

It’s so weird that 8 year olds can’t even be left in the car for 5 minutes any more without someone shouting about neglect. Me and all of the friends I had were regularly left in the car at that age and we were fine. It was explained to us not to touch anything and not to get out of the car. FYI this was the naughties, not the 70s, so it wasn’t like we had much freedom then...it’s sad how little kids are trusted these days.

Kendodd · 08/05/2021 23:21

Ffs an 8 year old isn't a baby.
I think plenty of 8yo could be trusted to go into the supermarket and do the shopping while the parent sat in the car.

AzureHawker2 · 08/05/2021 23:22

I leave my kids in the car all the time to go to the supermarket. During lockdown it was the only break I got from them for months on end and I found it very enjoyable locking them in the car and having a little wander round tesco 🤣
I wouldn’t leave my 3 yo alone in the car but I will with the older dc there, and I leave them longer if my oldest dc is there than if it was just the 2 younger ones. They don’t like it if the alarm goes off so they stay quite still and don’t get up to mischief.

TravelDreamLife · 08/05/2021 23:23

I'm in Australia. It's a huge no no here, both culturally & legally. Leave kids under 12 (QLD) in the car & you'll be charged with a range of things from neglect to endangerment. If it's summer you'll cop similar charges for leaving pets in the car.

It doesn't have to be very hot outside for the temp in a car to rise to life threatening levels. Cracking a window does nothing.

It only takes one opportunistic moron to steal the car with them inside or a child to unlock the car & wander off, be enticed out or knock a handbrake off. There are reports every year of incidents occurring, so it does happen. If you have to lock them inside you shouldn't be leaving them.

Mintyt · 08/05/2021 23:25

I left my 14 year old son in my car in Sainsbury's car park I only when to get the Sunday newspaper after picking him up and he moved my car into the parking space in front of where I parked it. So for me no age is old enough

BogRollBOGOF · 08/05/2021 23:26

8 is absolutely fine.

I was left in the car weekly long before 7. The consequences were knowing the entite lyrics of a Chris de Burg album from repeatedly reading the inlay card, and useful knowledge from the ReadersDigest Atlas and being an expert on aquaplaning and loading a roof rack

Hellocatshome · 08/05/2021 23:27

@Mintyt thats not an age problem that is a son problem

fiheka · 08/05/2021 23:28

@Mintyt some parents have 18 year old adult children who steal and crash their cars. It does not mean an 18 year old can not be left alone. It means there is an issue with that 18 year old.

Minezatea · 08/05/2021 23:34

My son has a friend who is 11 and looks about 8. Child may have been a lot older than you thought.

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 08/05/2021 23:43

@Pebbledashery

@Pebbledashery how old is your child? I have never brought my dd in a petrol station. Always left in the car in that instance when it's just me and her

Mummytemping · 08/05/2021 23:45

I’m amazed at previous people saying only once they were 12! They might be catching buses to secondary school before then...
Legally at 8 they can go unattended to swimming pools, cinemas etc. So I wouldn’t say it was a problem.

LizzieW1969 · 08/05/2021 23:51

I have no difficulty with leaving my DDs in the car on their own for a few minutes (they’re 12 and 9 now), though only when there’s only one of them with me. We’ve told them that they’re not to touch the gear-stick or handbrake and they do get it. They just play on their phones anyway.

It really does depend on the age of the children and on how far they can be trusted.

Thesearmsofmine · 09/05/2021 00:09

I thought the post was going to be about a toddler!
My older two (8&10) have been left in the car for 5-10 mins. They could go swimming without an adult, many that age walk to school without an adult too.

Ohnomoreno · 09/05/2021 00:11

Busybody.

fiheka · 09/05/2021 00:32

@Mummytemping it does depend on the child, but generally I agree. I think going from never leaving a child alone for a minute, to children catching buses by themselves to school, is a big jump. It makes sense to do it gradually.

JullyNea · 09/05/2021 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CorianderBee · 09/05/2021 00:52

Mum used to leave me in the locked car all the time at that age when I cba going in the shop. It was fine

MrsBungle · 09/05/2021 01:00

Not leaving a 12 year old in a car?! My dd isn’t even 12 yet. She’s been in secondary school for almost a year and gets the bus everyday herself! Bonkers! I’d leave my 7 year old for 10 minutes no problem.

JackieTheFart · 09/05/2021 01:15

Was he crying before you interfered? 7/8 sitting in the car is fine. He probably kicked up a stink about going into the shop with his mum.

YABU.

Granted, I probably wouldn’t leave all three kids in the car together but one would be fine.

StormcloakNord · 09/05/2021 01:24

Surely it depends on the child?

DD is 7 and very responsible for her age. I often leave her in the car and the house by herself if I'm nipping out for 5/10 mins to do a shop or block walk the dog.

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