To expect woman to not pop in to see DH at work

[Padmail]

I thought a woman and my DH were getting a bit too close. DH and I had a major falling-out over it. In the end, DH agreed to cut ties with the woman. AIBU to expect the woman to not pop in to see DH when he's at work when there's some major local gossip she wants to talk to him about?

@Padmail

I disagree that it's a husband problem. I agree that he might be a spineless twat, or that he might just want not to seem ungentlemanly (I think it's a bit of both). I think the problem is predominantly her and her narcissistic nature continually needing attention.

😂😂😂

What actually happened between them OP?

Because this could be an affair that's continuing. Or it could be a jealous wife and a friendship. You say you thought they were too close but not really why. Other than she was a bit flirty, but that could easily be your perception of the situation

Why on earth can't your Husband deal with all this nonsense,is he frightened to upset this intrusive pestering woman, when he obviously knows, that it is very bothersome to you. I don't know the age of this woman,but she sounds immature and needy, and has no self awareness about her odd ball actions.

@GoodbyeToCare

Did you post about about this at the time OP? Your DH is a mechanic and she has a shop very close to the garage? She would constantly be in the garage openly flirting with your DH even if you were there too? I think your DH might have agreed to do her favours despite you voicing your concerns.

Apologies if I have got you mixed up with someone else.

Oh interesting! I’d guessed mechanic.

@ilovesooty

We haven't actually been told he's been unfaithful.

This is mumsnet, you make up the story to fit your opinion here. Man won't leave woman alone he's a predatory sex pest. Woman won't leave man alone he's obviously leading her on. Man has female friend, they're having affair. Woman has male friend, he's looking for an affair.

True.

She is not the threat to your marriage. Your husband is.

I agree with this. Yes she may have made a 'power' move by going to see him after he cut contact, but he didn't have to see her. He could have refused.

I find your complete belief that this is not an issue with your husband very strange. It clearly is. He hasn’t the gumption to prioritise you, and is happy to run the risk of upsetting the applecart within your marriage again, just for some attention and time with this woman.
That’s on him, and that’s who you need to be annoyed with. The other woman could be everything you say she is and more but that wouldn’t matter if your husband could have your back, where he hasn’t before.

Hes crossed the line you explicitly drew again. Hes testing how much he can get away with seeing her again. Already!

Hes made it clear to you its her fault, and hes made it clear to her that its your fault.
This is whats known as playing two women off against each other. Two faced.

You have a huge DH problem; no matter how much you deny it.

How do you know about her popping in to see him? (With the major gossip?)

If this was the other way round and he was telling you who to talk to at work there would be screams of LTB on here.
Why do you think you get to tell him who to talk to, based on if you like them or not OP? YABVU.

@Padmail

I disagree that it's a husband problem. I agree that he might be a spineless twat, or that he might just want not to seem ungentlemanly (I think it's a bit of both). I think the problem is predominantly her and her narcissistic nature continually needing attention.

I don’t think you are correct. Nobody, other than a stalker perhaps, would continue to make trips to see somebody where it is clear they are not wanted. Most regular people take a hint after a few attempts. If she is stalking him /making contact against his will, then the police should be involved. However, I suspect that they won’t be as this is not the case. Your husband is agreeable to the current situation, he just isn’t telling you that.

Since the OP isn't open to the idea that her husband is the problem she seems to have disappeared.