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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want people to calm my baby by his actual name?

814 replies

SimGuruRu · 07/05/2021 07:59

Name change as outing. To avoid the inevitable “what’s his name” replies ... he’s called Brian, hence outing.
He’s 6 weeks old and friends and family seem unable to call him by his actual name. They make up stupid names for him “baby Bobo” for example, I’ve had people literally snigger when I say his name. MIL has outright told us it’s an awful name for a baby and she can’t say it without laughing.
I’ve told DH I’m getting to the point where I feel if people can’t call him by his name maybe they shouldn’t be seeing him?! He thinks this is an overreaction and that I’m being too dramatic. They are going to make him grow up hating his own name.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Woodlandbelle · 07/05/2021 08:13

It's a lovely thing you did to call him after your grandad. Our son has a friend with the same name and a few in his class with children (Rodger being one I was shocked is still around but after a while it's just his name and a lovely boy).

Dh needs to talk to them that's the only way to resolve it.

museumum · 07/05/2021 08:13

It’s not uncommon at all for babies and small children with “family” names to have a cutesy/kiddie nickname when small. It’s almost traditional that if you have a “formal” name you have a family/baby nickname.

Emmelina · 07/05/2021 08:14

I’d have modernised it, personally. To Bryant or something along those lines.
We’re Monty Python fans here and I can’t help but sing the song from Life of Brian in my head!
As the name is here to stay, though - try and let it wash over you as baby talk for now I guess.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 07/05/2021 08:14

I'm in the dark- but I'm not from the U.K, is there some mad significance of Brian I'm missing? It's just a name?

BlusteryLake · 07/05/2021 08:15

It might help once you get out and about with him a bit more, as people outside of your family will call him the name you give them. Brian is a name that takes some getting used to for a baby born in this day and age, and it is more usual to honour previous generations via a middle name if the name was "of its time", but hopefully this phase will pass.

bloodywhitecat · 07/05/2021 08:15

People are rude, that's why. I wonder how they would feel if it was their choice of name being ridiculed.

CoffeeandCakeEqualsLove · 07/05/2021 08:15

Genuinely wondering why Brian is a controversial name?? (Not from the UK originally, so maybe it's a cultural thing?)

TheGumption · 07/05/2021 08:15

It's one of those names that just seems odd for a baby. Like Paul or Nigel or Clive.. it just feels like an adult man name.
They'll get used to it.

Atalantea · 07/05/2021 08:15

@Northernshepherd

YANBU. Do you mind Bry if they called him baby bry. They're being so rude if you've named him after your grandad. I don't see how it's different to the other old man names that happen to be in fashion.
Because we haven't got to the stage where Brian and Kevin are popular yet.

We're in the Archie and Stanley stage

thesunwillout · 07/05/2021 08:16

@Mowington

😂

TabooNCoke · 07/05/2021 08:17

Can't understand why people are hating on the name. It's a good name and a lovely way to remember grandad. They'll get used to it.

FartleBarfle · 07/05/2021 08:18

@Mowington 😂😂😂😂😂

But seriously, what is with all the Brian hate? I went to college with a guy name Brian and it suited him. It's not like you called him Adolf or Elvis!

mygenericusername · 07/05/2021 08:19

Please change your babies name op. He won’t appreciate you calling him after his grandfather. As somebody with a named after my grandmother name trust me. I hate my hideous name. I wince when I’m asked for it.

Woodlandbelle · 07/05/2021 08:19

I absolutely love the name Paul I can't see what's wrong with it.

GintyMcGinty · 07/05/2021 08:20

Whether you like a name or not, once a child has it you keep your mouth shut and call the baby by its name.

Anything else is appallingly rude.

BTW I don't really get why everyone has problem with Brian. Its not my taste but its not a weird or abnormal. Why controversial?

Timeandtune · 07/05/2021 08:20

My BIL is a Brian. Lovely chap and a perfectly nice name. I remember 30 years ago friend falling out with her mum over the name Hannah. Mum thought it was an “old lady” name. Well done for being the first to renew the popularity of Brian.

Neolara · 07/05/2021 08:20

I think you were being fairly optimistic if you thought people wouldn't react like that to calling your DS Brian. Realistically, I think you and your ds are going to be faced with that reaction a lot.

Homehelpneeded · 07/05/2021 08:20

Some of these replies!!!!!! Shock
Op didn't ask for opinions on her child's name, she asked if she was being unreasonable about how she wanted to react/handle it, how people were making her feel.

Then a load of replies basically being cruel about her choice of name?! Brian is fine, not everyone's taste, but I've heard absolutely awful names being suggested on baby name threads, Brian is relatively normal as a name, although not very popular at the moment!

What on earth are the responses being cruel about the name op chosen suppose to do for her "your right mumsnet. Let me just go change it"

Op, please ignore those being stupid about your child name, you family are being very unreasonable saying things like they can't say LO name without laughing etc, as for nicknames, we'll that happens all the time to babies - I wouldn't think too much about this, let them continue, but use a firm "brian" whenever you speak about LO, or simply ask if they can just use his proper name.

Baby Brian isn't going to be a baby forever, as a child and an adult, he will have a sensible, serviceable adult name - and in time, people will stop being silly about his name.
Once he is in nursery/school, teachers won't be making names up for him - Brian will stick and this won't be an issue anymore.

FartleBarfle · 07/05/2021 08:20

@CoffeeandCakeEqualsLove

I thought the same, having been here my whole life. It's a older man's name, but so is Alfred, Archie, Monty, Reggie... it's not controversial!

The only link I can think of is Life of Brian by Monty Python, but even then it's a brilliant, funny film it reminds me of, so not at all controversial!

DappledThings · 07/05/2021 08:20

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov

I'm in the dark- but I'm not from the U.K, is there some mad significance of Brian I'm missing? It's just a name?
It's not very popular at the moment so most Brians are at least 40. People are apparently therefore incapable of considering it a perfectly normal name for a child.

There is no mad significance, just people being silly.

Crosstrainer · 07/05/2021 08:21

You’re being a bit unreasonable about the nicknames- people do have silly cutesy names for babies and small kids (and 12 year olds, in my case....😬). But I can see why you’re annoyed about people being rude about his name, especially when it’s in honour of a much loved family member. Nothing at all wrong with Brian; much nicer than some of these bizarre, made up names (and with the same benefit that there probably won’t be three in the class).

Lalliella · 07/05/2021 08:22

I wish people wouldn’t call their children after someone. They’re a person in their own right, not a replacement for the dead person. Tbh OP I would change your baby’s name. He’s going to get this all his life and it’s not fair on him. Maybe have Brian as a middle name.

Roomba · 07/05/2021 08:22

DS1 has what was a very 'old man' name when he was born. My mother thought I was joking when I told her the name and laughed. When she realised I was serious, she said ' Well, I think that's a HORRIBLE name and it's cruel to give to a baby'. It's definitely gaining in fashion though 16 years later, ,I've seen quite a few babies with his name! My mother still calls him by a shortened version of his name, but so do his friends so it doesn't upset me greatly now. And DS loves his name, which is all that matters really.

SavingsQuestions · 07/05/2021 08:22

Brian is a pretty unpopular name isn't it? Is struggle to call a baby Brian but Im sure once we got used to it it would be "him" and not a problem at all. A friend has an unusual name choice and by 6m-a year.people tend to have got over it.

But cutsey baby talk is the norm regardless of name. I'd go with it, especially if they are strugglinf with the name - is there a nickname you like?

People will get used to it (or you can change it if you're not sure....)

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 07/05/2021 08:22

My Dads name is Ralph after his uncle. My Dad has hated his name for years but now.....lots of babies called Ralph. Maybe Brian will become fashionable again.