AIBU to feel traumatised?

[cattypussclaw]

So yesterday I had a hysteroscopy. It was very very painful. I cried, I nearly threw up and I passed out at one point. They asked if I wanted them to stop but all I could think was that they'd only want to do this to me again and I couldn't face that. In fact, no medical person is carrying out any procedure on me again unless I am out cold.

I was told it would be particularly painful for me as I haven't given birth (one child, non-elective c-section) so my cervix is very tight. I asked why no anaesthetic and the gynaecologist's reply was "Because you're a woman, no man would tolerate this".

I'm usually OK with medical procedures. I'm in the "just get it over with" camp and have no problem with needles and - I thought - a pretty high pain threshold.

It was the most unpleasant and agonising experience of my life and I honestly feel a bit traumatised. AIBU to think that no woman should be expected to go through this? Or am I just a wuss as I haven't been through the pain of childbirth?

I had one recently I was not informed beforehand how painful it would be and the surgeon asked why I wasn’t having an anaesthetic. It was total agony, worse than having my three kids made worse by the fact I kept getting told not to move as it could be dangerous with the instruments inside . I was shell shocked for a few days after and I have to say I actually screamed out loud more than once !!

@cattypussclaw

I'm sorry, I don't know how to quote other posters but two comments from *@KarmaIsAnAngel* stood out for me.

That's exactly what happened, I didn't know other alternatives were available so I did just grit my teeth and got through it.

And this experience has most certainly "smashed through what I know about the world" and certainly about the NHS. These are people I trusted to try to help me, not cause me excruciating pain. I feel so badly let down.

I have emailed a complaint to Bucks Healthcare NHS Trust, copied it to PALS and my GP surgery. For all the good it will do.

I ended my email with "Please, don't ever ask me again to 'Protect the NHS' because it certainly did not protect me." I wanted to say "did FUCK ALL to protect me" but knew I'd lose all credibility if I started swearing.

Thank you for all your supportive comments, every single one of them has made me feel not so alone. I'm so very sorry that so many of you have experienced what I did, or worse. Huge hugs to you all.

I work as a SEND TA and am looking forward to going back to school on Monday (was off today for a meeting with my Mum's palliative care team so a shit way to end a shit week) and giving my lovely children some big ol' hugs* They always make me feel better.

*Yes, hugs. They are in my "bubble" and always have been. All through this, they've needed hugs and emotional support more than ever so fuck Covid.

Love to all from Mrs Angry of Buckinghamshire xx

Superb and I agree with your closing words 1000% 💐❤️💐, lots of love and best thoughts for an easy weekend x

Oh OP, this made me really angry. As I get older, I see more and more clearly how badly we are treated as women, especially when it comes to things related to womanhood... Not the same experience but I had a horrible birth with my eldest. Took 24 hours and ended in an emergency c-section. It was a complex medical situation but essentially they'd ignored me thinking I was young and fit. Anyway, I was refused any pain relief after the birth. I still shudder thinking of the pain I felt while trying to recover (which was very slow). It was over 20 years ago but I think the attitude that women can just suffer, that 'that's what they're for', is still prevalent.

I had the same, horrible, experience when I had this done at my local hospital. Later down the line discovered that at my fertility clinic they only do them under intravenous sedation (strong and you are unconscious) because they're so painful.

The OP consented to a procedure which would be no more painful than a smear

Like fuck it’s the same as a smear! I was crawling off the bed when I had mine, and I think they gave me LA into the cervix. Absolute agony but like many PP’s I just put up with it.

www.hysteroscopyaction.org.uk/

Campaign of relevance!

I had a HyCoSy procedure - I felt utterly violated - I hadn’t expected the pain and I couldn’t stop shaking afterwards. I felt really faint, weak and in shock. I didn’t feel ok for at least 24 hours. Awful.

I am so sorry you went through that. Absolutely horrific. Sadly I am not surprised given the way women are treated vast majority of the time.

I haven't had chance to read full thread but I know this will have been mentioned but there is always the option of procedures being done while you're sleeping.

If you need anything else than definitely state you would like/need a GA due to issues and you can also mention that this experience has been traumatic which is why and you couldn't deal with anything similar. Even if they try and talk you round with claims it won't etc I would still go with GA option as they don't always follow what they claim they will.

I have generals for procedures and some of these procedures are for very minor procedures to take place but I cannot handle the thought of being awake for anything related to gynae related issues.

Most of the consultants have been fine with me but there was a male consultant who really tried to talk me out of a general for the camera to look into bowel etc. I certainly wouldn't have managed that awake and I stated it many times at my first appt with him and he then completed the paperwork for a general for pre assessment for the standard bloods etc needed before a general.

I have been sleeping for treatment of cervical erosions several times and cells being removed other occasions. Also a number of other procedures.

You do not have to put up with this. I was petrified initially when I saw the instruments needed for a better look at my cervix and the needle to go in there so I was booked for a general by consultant. I didn't know that was an option until I was told which I'm entirely grateful for. So I have continued as I simply can't deal with it and the way a lot of so called professionals are also make this the best option for me as I have experienced an awful lot of shocking "care"

Completely agree about the expectation that women should simply deal with the severe pain after a section. Paracetamol isn't enough to deal with the pain and nor should it be expected to considering section is classed as major surgery. Yet if it was a male he would be hooked up to IV pain meds.

I had a pain management plan in place beforehand yet I was obviously treated like a drug seeker by many midwives as they wouldn't be round with the meds so I would have to ask for it so I was treated like a massive inconvenience.

Regarding the gynecologists comment.

This is the world's attitude to women in a nutshell though, isn't it.

Spread your legs, take the pain and shut the fuck up you pathetic bitch.

Sorry if I offend, this has made me really angry. The fact that he basically admitted men would receive pain relief for anything as potentially painful made my blood boil.

I’ve had this procedure too, I was very cavalier going in and thought ‘oh well it can’t be that bad’ well it was and it was awful, I thought I was going to pass out on the table. So YANBU to feel as you do in my eyes.

That’s horrendous! I can’t believe it’s allowed!

@Songsofexperience

Oh OP, this made me really angry. As I get older, I see more and more clearly how badly we are treated as women, especially when it comes to things related to womanhood... Not the same experience but I had a horrible birth with my eldest. Took 24 hours and ended in an emergency c-section. It was a complex medical situation but essentially they'd ignored me thinking I was young and fit. Anyway, I was refused any pain relief after the birth. I still shudder thinking of the pain I felt while trying to recover (which was very slow). It was over 20 years ago but I think the attitude that women can just suffer, that 'that's what they're for', is still prevalent.

I was refused pain relief after a vaginal birth with ventouse, an episiotomy, and significant severe chronic daily pain in my pelvic area for many years beforehand too.

The idea was that after a vaginal birth you ‘bounce back’, baby comes out and you’re fine.

I was absolutely horrified honestly by the state I was in after, for a few weeks I couldn’t sit or stand unaided while holding my baby. It hurt too much. I couldn’t sit down, had to be at an angle. Apparently ‘it’s normal to be a bit uncomfortable’.

Basically you enter the postnatal ward and all eyes are on baby, you’re just a vessel they couldn’t give a shit about, and you’re on your own. One saving grace is that I had an epidural and it took some time to wear off fully so for the next day or two I was at least numb from that. Once it fully wore off though it was terrifying.

Another incident was when I had a lap for endo and afterwards wasn’t given any pain relief at all. I waited a few hours in agony assuming they were busy and would around soon, only to find that actually they don’t give it as standard or even tell you you can have it, they just wait to see if you ask for it. I was very scared to ask for it in case I was seen as drug seeking and worried I’d be told off for interrupting them while they were busy. What kind of care is that?

I fucking hate it. My DH is a doctor and he is extremely hot on recognising and appropriately treating pain, listening to patients. He knows that there will always be cases where people are looking for pain relief due to an addiction (which is an illness in itself) but always says he’d rather medicate 100 people and two of them be drug seeking (awful term and not the one he uses) than leave one person in pain without assistance.

OP, it’s a thing in trauma. The idea that your previously held beliefs can be absolutely shattered. It can be a big part of going on to develop PTSD, your brain just can’t make sense of what’s happened because it doesn’t fit with your world view.

A simple example would be someone who was raised to believe that if they were a good person, nothing bad would happen to them. They are assaulted. It doesn’t fit with their world view: ‘well which is it? Have I been a bad person, or is the world actually not a safe place?’

In my case I expected birth to be painful but I also expected that in a hospital while surrounded by clinicians I would be given pain relief. I just thought that’s what would happen. A lot of really terrible things happened to me during the five day induction, but I think the thing that fucked me up mentally the most was the absolute sheer horror of realising that I was in the ‘right place’, in 20/10 agony like I never thought was possible, begging for help and there wasn’t any. It destroyed so much, my sense of self and my idea of my own bodily integrity, the perception that there is help there for pain, it truly made me feel and realise I was on my own in a situation out of my control and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. The helplessness. While dealing with the faux concerned head tilt and the ‘I know, it looks uncomfortable’. After thirteen hours of induction contractions four days into being induced, in a busy ward, having to be silent to avoid disturbing others. Sorry to me-rail, just trying to explain how these situations can lead to trauma.

It’s really fucked up and I thank you for your bravery in sharing your story here, and in making your complaint. If you find in weeks and months to come you still struggle with what happened and you find yourself thinking about it a lot, or trying to avoid remembering it, being upset or angry, going over it again and again, replaying it in your mind, feeling on edge, then please do see your doctor for a referral for an assessment for therapy. Many women develop PTSD from medical events where they were in a great deal of pain, felt out of control, felt like they might die, felt powerless, but sadly many don’t realise they’ve developed it and just think it’s how it is.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I had a hysteroscopy when I was living in the states. And it was painful, but because I never had kids they gave me the stuff they use to induce labour, because it softens the cervix. The gave me the same stuff again when they inserted my Mirena. Fast forward to living back in the UK, needed a new Mirena and was told they 'didnt do it like that here'. They had to stop halfway through as they could not get it through my cervix. And it hurt like hell.

Its fucking bullshit, there is no possible excuse for this. NICE and doctors in this country need to start treating all womens health properly.

I am absolutely furious reading this thread. How fucking dare the medical profession treat women like this. How fucking dare they. I have never been affected by this but will gladly campaign on it if there is an active campaign. Perhaps @MNHQ should look at this as a MN campaign? Horrifying that women are being treated in this way.

@KarmaIsAnAngel yup, that was exactly the same experience I had giving birth. Unable to sit down for weeks, it was either lay or stand. I still suffer from coccyx pain 9 years on. And I believe that once again, it was due to targets and having a vaginal birth at all costs.

No useful advice, just fucking horrified that doctors do this - as if women have some magical fucking pain killing properties of their own. Too many women have to put up with this sort of "care" where men are taken more seriously and it stinks. So very sorry you had to go through that.

OP you say you're in Buckinghamshire, I just found this :

www.buckshealthcare.nhs.uk/Downloads/Patient-leaflets-Obstetrics-and-Gynaecology/Hysteroscopy%20under%20general%20anaesthesia.pdf

It says the procedure is done under GA. They should have given you this information booklet beforehand.

When I had a hysteroscopy I was put under GA - thankfully, frankly, as I'd experienced agonising pain during post birth infection swabs and coul insertion, I wasn't prepared for any more invasive procedures while awake. And particularly fortunate as it turned out I had adhesions requiring surgical removal which left me in recovery for weeks as it was. I cannot stand the approach to gynaecology that leaves it as a lesser than medical issue. I suffered from adenomyosis and chronic pain for years before having a hysterectomy (2 years post hysteroscopy) at 35. Every bit of my journey to get there was hard, and recovery even more so.

I got a slightly different leaflet - see attached.

And - at the risk of some of you spontaneously combusting with anger - the gynaecologist who made that comment to me was a woman.

The more I think about it, the more angry I get. Every time I think of it, I just start sobbing. I trusted the medical profession and they let me go into that completely blind.

My trust is utterly destroyed.

I have a tight cervix too and even having an IUD inserted was sheer agony and I passed out. So I can’t imagine how much pain you were in. You should at least be offered diazepam/high strength painkillers in my view.

OP I'm so sorry you went through this and everyone else on here who has been through similarly horrific experiences. It makes me furious that women are just expected to put up with this stuff, this is barbaric. Even my last smear was so painful I was sweating and gripping the table (and I genuinely usually have a high threshold - although why should we all feel the need to say that like to prove we're not a wuss? If someone says they're in pain they're in pain, and medical practitioners should listen to that), so should I ever be in a position requiring this I will absolutely be insisting on a GA.

So sorry you went thru that. I've had 3 babies and I still found it so painful during the procedure and afterwards had proper contractions- the consultant stood at end of bed and commented on how amazing a uterus could be 😞 hope you're ok now xx