AIBU to feel traumatised?

[cattypussclaw]

So yesterday I had a hysteroscopy. It was very very painful. I cried, I nearly threw up and I passed out at one point. They asked if I wanted them to stop but all I could think was that they'd only want to do this to me again and I couldn't face that. In fact, no medical person is carrying out any procedure on me again unless I am out cold.

I was told it would be particularly painful for me as I haven't given birth (one child, non-elective c-section) so my cervix is very tight. I asked why no anaesthetic and the gynaecologist's reply was "Because you're a woman, no man would tolerate this".

I'm usually OK with medical procedures. I'm in the "just get it over with" camp and have no problem with needles and - I thought - a pretty high pain threshold.

It was the most unpleasant and agonising experience of my life and I honestly feel a bit traumatised. AIBU to think that no woman should be expected to go through this? Or am I just a wuss as I haven't been through the pain of childbirth?

I've not had children either and mine was done under GA as recommended by the consultant.
Its absolutely disgraceful what women are expected to suffer. It sends my blood pressure through the roof just thinking about it

I know NOW that sedation or a GA is available if you shout loud enough but I went into this thinking no more than a smear test. By the time they offered to stop, the camera was past my cervix and into my womb, I thought the worst was over and that, if I stopped them at that point, I'd only have to return another day for them to do it all again, possibly with the added bonus of a needle in my cervix. I was also screaming with pain and not in a state to think straight.

It may only be c25% of women who have to endure the pain that I did, it may be a mild inconvenience for some or even most, but that c25% is too fucking many.

The more I think about it, the more angry I get. The staff were superficially friendly and caring but they clearly didn't really give a shit about how I was feeling, they just wanted the job done. It's the disingenuousness of it all that makes me so livid, the casual "just a minor procedure" manner when they absolutely know it is anything but.

YANBU, I had a similar experience when having a cervical ectropion burnt off without any anaesthetic or pain relief. Was told it would be completely painless, because the cervix has no nerve endings, it was absolute agony, I’ve never felt pain like it, couldn’t walk, was shaking, sweating, vomiting. I told them at my next appointment and all I got was “Oh that’s strange”.

Interesting you say your experience was at Buckinghamshire, I had a brief stint on an NHS graduate management scheme there a few years ago. I sat in on one of their meetings where they discussed how to save money by not offering women pain relief during labour unless they “demanded it”, was particularly horrified when they described how they planned to not inform younger mothers who they called “outliers” because they were from deprived areas of their birthing options and to persuade them to have natural labours with minimal pain relief, while they shouldn’t bother trying to persuade mothers who were older and more educated and “knew their rights” from having ELCS, water births, epidurals, Pethidine etc, because “they know they are entitled to them and won’t back down.”

Needless to say I was disgusted and quit that day because I realised if this was the reality of senior management in the NHS I wanted no part of it.

I had this done at a private fertility clinic in London and was told to take a paracetamol beforehand. Omg it hurt so much and I nearly threw up during the procedure. I was upset afterwards but trying to be brave. When I left the clinic I nearly passed out. I remember sitting on the stairs with my head between my legs trying to feel better before getting on the tube to go to work. I too thought I was the only one who had felt this way. I totally get why you feel traumatised.

@Elsiebear90

YANBU, I had a similar experience when having a cervical ectropion burnt off without any anaesthetic or pain relief. Was told it would be completely painless, because the cervix has no nerve endings, it was absolute agony, I’ve never felt pain like it, couldn’t walk, was shaking, sweating, vomiting. I told them at my next appointment and all I got was “Oh that’s strange”.

Interesting you say your experience was at Buckinghamshire, I had a brief stint on an NHS graduate management scheme there a few years ago. I sat in on one of their meetings where they discussed how to save money by not offering women pain relief during labour unless they “demanded it”, was particularly horrified when they described how they planned to not inform younger mothers who they called “outliers” because they were from deprived areas of their birthing options and to persuade them to have natural labours with minimal pain relief, while they shouldn’t bother trying to persuade mothers who were older and more educated and “knew their rights” from having ELCS, water births, epidurals, Pethidine etc, because “they know they are entitled to them and won’t back down.”

Needless to say I was disgusted and quit that day because I realised if this was the reality of senior management in the NHS I wanted no part of it.

That’s so horrifying. I work in the NHS and that attitude absolutely wouldn’t fly in the trust I’m in. I know it exists in some places though, another trust I worked in dealt primarily with prisoners and I was told off for informing a person on remand that they had the right not to share a cell with someone who’d been convicted. They didn’t want them knowing their rights as it’d have caused more hassle for staff moving them around. I kept informing them of their legal rights and found a new job.

@cattypussclaw

I know NOW that sedation or a GA is available if you shout loud enough but I went into this thinking no more than a smear test. By the time they offered to stop, the camera was past my cervix and into my womb, I thought the worst was over and that, if I stopped them at that point, I'd only have to return another day for them to do it all again, possibly with the added bonus of a needle in my cervix. I was also screaming with pain and not in a state to think straight.

It may only be c25% of women who have to endure the pain that I did, it may be a mild inconvenience for some or even most, but that c25% is too fucking many.

The more I think about it, the more angry I get. The staff were superficially friendly and caring but they clearly didn't really give a shit about how I was feeling, they just wanted the job done. It's the disingenuousness of it all that makes me so livid, the casual "just a minor procedure" manner when they absolutely know it is anything but.

I have PTSD from my birth 18m ago, and a big part of it is the mental trauma from the incongruity of being in that level of pain while staff were bright and breezy about it. Feeling like the pain was so bad I wanted to die to escape it, and a smiling midwife tutting sympathetically and offering paracetamol. It was absolutely terrifying, like you’re on fire and a few onlookers are nodding and smiling saying ‘aww poor dear, that looks a bit uncomfortable’, if that makes sense?

Looking back it feels like psychological abuse. A total refusal to see or acknowledge the pain someone is in. But not just neglect, actively acting as though it’s not a big deal and you’re just in a bit of discomfort. It’s so disconcerting and being subject to it in a hospital where I assumed I’d get help or be taken care of has smashed a lot of what I thought I knew about the world. I can’t type this without my heart racing and feeling sick to this day.

Similar experience - I ended up in a recovery room for ages afters since they couldn’t stabilise (something) and I kept fainting all over the place.

I work in mental health and the woman also in the recovery area was making small talk in my more lucid moments and decided to try get a free therapy session over her husband’s recent death - while I kept losing consciousness. It was bizarre. I’d come to- in pain- and be bombarded with questions about grief management?!

I was also screaming with pain and not in a state to think straight.

I find this so shocking. Doesn't this violate the Hippocratic oath in some way ?
If a doctor is clearly causing a patient so much pain I would argue it is ethically wrong for them to continue, especially as we are fortunate to live in a rich country in the 21st century with well qualified anaesthetists available.

Elsiebear90 I'm not surprised at your post.

@SittingAround1

I was also screaming with pain and not in a state to think straight.

I find this so shocking. Doesn't this violate the Hippocratic oath in some way ?
If a doctor is clearly causing a patient so much pain I would argue it is ethically wrong for them to continue, especially as we are fortunate to live in a rich country in the 21st century with well qualified anaesthetists available.

Elsiebear90 I'm not surprised at your post.

Unfortunately doctors do have to carry out painful procedures and examinations day in and day out, as long as the patient has consented to the procedure or examination and continues to consent then it in no way violates the oath to continue. There are all kinds of situations where the greater good is to continue and that’s fine if the patient allows it to.

Of course we should always offer patients pain relief though if possible :( it’s barbaric to do something painful without it imo. Unless someone has actively declined it.

Your post contradicts itself.
The OP consented to a procedure which would be no more painful than a smear. She wasn't offered pain relief which is possible for this type of intervention.

That's utterly horrific.
My cows have an epidural for a procedure which is similar to that. I can't begin to imagine my vet doing it any other way!

I’m referring to the part where you said

“If a doctor is clearly causing a patient so much pain I would argue it is ethically wrong for them to continue, especially as we are fortunate to live in a rich country in the 21st century with well qualified anaesthetists available”

Your comment seemed to be talking in general terms rather than about OP’s specific case.

@LunaTheCat 18 years ago.

KarmalsAnAngel fair enough. I was thinking specifically about the OPs case.

I've had painful things done for a specific medical problem but understood there was no choice and the drs were always very respectful and understanding. I think it comes down to informed consent.

Ah I see, sorry I misunderstood!

And yeah, in OP’s case if there was pain relief available and she hadn’t been told it was an option and was in that amount of pain then that does seem incredibly wrong to me and potentially abusive. A doctor wouldn’t try remove someone’s liver without anaesthetic. Doctors should know patients aren’t always as clued up as them and rely on being told what their options are. It appalls me that we’re expected to fight for pain relief. Lots of people will assume if they’re not offered it it isn’t an option and just try grit their teeth and get through it. It can lead to real trauma.

You should have been given gas and air at least

I have had two done without anaesthetic because of having to drive and apparently I ‘tolerate’ well. That’s because I take cocodomal and self-hypnotise myself. They are very unpleasant! Nobody who hasn’t had one can really understand.

But then I wouldn’t want to have general anaesthetic (though I did for the first as a d and c was done too).

And just to add: the doctors and nurses have always been lovely.

I had this
Wasn’t until I was on the table that they told me most women have general anaesthetic for the procedure. But it was never put forward as an option for me?
Luckily it was no worse than a smear for me.
Sound horrendous.
Surely you should be given the option

Wow I have had this done a couple of times and had a GA. Doing it under local sounds barbaric.

You poor thing, OP. I had a hysteroscopy before having my two children. It was done under GA. I still felt pretty odd afterwards... I can't imagine that being done without a GA. I went on to have two baby girls, one for emergency c-section. When my current Mirena coil was inserted, I was given gas & air by a very sympathetic female practitioner. She agreed that it's barbaric not to offer proper pain relief to women when we need it.

I really hope you recover soon, both physically and mentally, from this painful experience.

I had this done a few years ago.

I screamed through the whole thing and was twisting and writhing through it. They scraped me inside so badly I bleed and didn't stop for days until i haemorrhaged.

It was absolute agony and even thinking about it now and seeing the blood I lost, I feel traumatised and have to force myself to think of other things.

I'm sorry you went through this.

@TheCrowening

Thank you 💐

I didn’t realise how much it had got me until I was watching This Morning and they were doing a live smear test; even just the words about letting your knees flop apart, I ended up vomiting .

In my case the doctor wouldn’t stop . I remember begging her to please stop, she said to stop being silly .

When it came to needing a smear last year trying to get my GP to believe me was a nightmare; had to physically ‘prove’ to her I was traumatised for her to be willing to help me eg diazepam - she told me I had to at least try first .

It’s absolutely awful . I worked for years in neurosurgery and couldn’t believe the difference between how we handled problems that weren’t ‘women’s’ .

I don’t know what we can do about it in the long run, complaining seems to be a good start but I think there needs to be a major change NHS wide .

I'm sorry, I don't know how to quote other posters but two comments from @KarmaIsAnAngel stood out for me.

That's exactly what happened, I didn't know other alternatives were available so I did just grit my teeth and got through it.

And this experience has most certainly "smashed through what I know about the world" and certainly about the NHS. These are people I trusted to try to help me, not cause me excruciating pain. I feel so badly let down.

I have emailed a complaint to Bucks Healthcare NHS Trust, copied it to PALS and my GP surgery. For all the good it will do.

I ended my email with "Please, don't ever ask me again to 'Protect the NHS' because it certainly did not protect me." I wanted to say "did FUCK ALL to protect me" but knew I'd lose all credibility if I started swearing.

Thank you for all your supportive comments, every single one of them has made me feel not so alone. I'm so very sorry that so many of you have experienced what I did, or worse. Huge hugs to you all.

I work as a SEND TA and am looking forward to going back to school on Monday (was off today for a meeting with my Mum's palliative care team so a shit way to end a shit week) and giving my lovely children some big ol' hugs* They always make me feel better.

*Yes, hugs. They are in my "bubble" and always have been. All through this, they've needed hugs and emotional support more than ever so fuck Covid.

Love to all from Mrs Angry of Buckinghamshire xx

Go you OP! Fantastic