Aggressive behaviour... AIBU by wanting to get these people kicked out??

[Loopeyloou]

TW


SUICIDAL



Recently had new neighbours, who have been nothing less than a nightmare since day 1! Absolutely ruined the gardens with rubbish that was so bad there were rats, the fences are now destroyed so my own children can't play in the garden as they have a very aggressive dog (fences being fixed next month). Been called a slag, threatened with a knife, been told to watch myself and my home, said dog is now being taken out the front daily and wound up until it's trying to attack, just generally intimidating/bullying me. I have stood up for myself but have just been met with more threats and violence. It's just made the problem worse!! Now they keep bringing a van full of men and circling my car?! It looks they are drug dealing to be honest. I'm a single mom with no family. It's literally making me so depressed, actually suicidal most nights as I'm too scared to sleep... I genuinely don't know how many more nights I can make it through without doing something ridiculously stupid!! How can I deal with this without putting myself or my children in any more danger, I don't want to report them and anger them even more! I'm so fed up, I feel stuck! This is supposed to be our forever home and I can't stand the thought of having to move because of these disgusting people. Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated right now!

[MiniTheMinx]

Oh you poor thing. I would be really scared too. The H/A won't move you or them unless you can evidence to them what is happening.

[maddening]

Sorry, saw you rent from HA, Speak to the HA, they need to move you out ASAP. You should not have to but easier than waiting for the process of evicting these people

[EveryDayIsADuvetDay]

Have you looked at the complaints procedure of your HA - do they have anything to protect your anonymity.
If they are behaving like this, presumably you are not the only neighbour likely to be raising a complaint.

Also, if you are feeling a bit unbalanced/unwell/exhausted, is there someone that can help you make the complaint?

• eg read through what you've written and help if it needs editing, so that it comes through as salient and to the point?
  There might be 20 things upsetting you, but if someone can help hone it to say 5 really focussed things, the complaint might come across as more powerful. I'm not saying your post does come across as 'ranty' - but sometimes one can lose the wood from the trees if really exhausted,
  Would also recommend keeping a diary of all aggression and harassment.

[GoddessKali]

I just want you to know that I’m sending love your way, so sorry you’re going through this ❤️

[Loopeyloou]

Appreciate all your responses I honestly do ❤️ literally the only support I've had in the past three months and it's already helping hearing all your thoughts!

[funnylittlefloozie]

Oh lovely, I've got no helpful advice, but just wanted to add my support. Please do report them to the HA and to the police. Definitely speak to some of the neighbours and see if you can get them to make statements as well.

When the wife was telling you her husband had no issues slicing people (FFS!), was she being aggressive as well, or did she sound more resigned?

I really feel for you. These people are complete scum and need shooting in the head, not housing near decent normal people.

[neverdoingthatagain100]

I'm here with you! You are not alone...they are real bullies preying on a single mum. As others have said, you must log this. Speaking to someone in the police station is a real positive step. You can explain that you don't want to be named or make the situation worse. They will know how to approach this. 💐

[Loopeyloou]

@funnylittlefloozie

Oh lovely, I've got no helpful advice, but just wanted to add my support. Please do report them to the HA and to the police. Definitely speak to some of the neighbours and see if you can get them to make statements as well.

When the wife was telling you her husband had no issues slicing people (FFS!), was she being aggressive as well, or did she sound more resigned?

I really feel for you. These people are complete scum and need shooting in the head, not housing near decent normal people.

That was the scary thing, she was totally straight faced like it was a normal conversation. This took place the day after he threatened me with the knife. She was saying how he has no issue bringing van loads of "gypsies" and slicing people 😳

[emsworth]

Nothing worse than living in fear.
These new neighbours will have moved from somewhere and it is very possible that they are known by both the HA and the Police for previous anti social behaviour.
Do not hesitate to report ~serious threats to you are being made. You are in fear and being reduced to considering harming yourself so it will stop.
This is not OK and you are important and precious. Put yourself and your family first lovely x

[Lollypop4]

I too have nightmare neighbours.
No violence threatened towards me though.
My local council sorted a lot- I had to download the noise app( as did most other beighbours) it records and sends to the council.
The police have been called multiple times
and after I made a formal complaint about the council doing very little over 2.5yrs and the effect its had on me and my family...
Its finally sorted.
Go to the police . Go to HA. Go To your DR.
I hope this is sorted asap for you.x

[siblingrevelryagain]

I hate to say it but I think you should contact the housing association and tell them they have to move you as it’s a safeguarding matter (you and your children). Unless you own it it’s not necessarily your forever home and often times a change can lead to something as good if not better (and neighbours/community make something ‘forever’ more than structure etc).

Try to imagine a life beyond this-where you’re not living in terror. In an ideal world they’d be reported and something done about them, but sadly that’s not always the case. The one thing you can impact on is your choices (to some extent).

[Msmcc1212]

Morning OP. I hope you are feeling more empowered and hopeful this morning.

I’ve had neighbours similar but not quite as bad, but they did threaten us. It was awful. You can’t relax in your own home where you should feel safe. It’s all consuming because needing a safe base where we feel physically safe is a very basic need so when we don’t have it our brain can only focus on that (a bit like if we were starving we wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else). So it is completely understandable that this is having such an impact on your mental health.

I totally agree with previous posters that you should report this to the HA but also contact Social Services and explain the situation as this is not an acceptable situation for your children and their wellbeing. It’s not your fault and they will totally see that so don’t be concerned about seeking their help. Social Services can support your application to move and that, with a GP letter, should make you a priority to be moved. The police should be informed too but make it very clear that you fear for your life and it needs to be anonymous. Get support with reporting from your neighbours if you can do it subtly.

You have done so well to get this far. Well done. Your children need you more than ever so take extra good care of yourself- you might not feel like it but try and eat regular meals, drink water and stretch your body out. It sounds dumb to say it because these things won’t make it better, but not doing them can make you feel a lot worse.

Good luck OP. We are all routing for you and on your side. You can do this.

[MiloAndEddie]

Honestly I’d be very very surprised if the HA didn’t know there were trouble already. Especially because they’ve moved in recently, makes you wonder where they came from previously.
I work with HAs and an awful lot are very hot on ‘nuisance’ tenants. Please report them, it isn’t fair that you’re living like this.
If you think you can get other neighbours on side, encourage them to do the same. Although you are most affected, it can’t be fun for others living there either with vans of men turning up all the time.
Good luck, you can do this!

[Sagaris]

We had similar a few years ago - we owned our house but next door was rented - scummy landlord who didn't care about the drug dealers he moved in, followed by pimps and prostitutes! It was horrendous, the girls were escorted everywhere by vile looking men, they were beaten regularly, fights breaking out inside and outside the house at all times of day and night. I was on edge all the time, not sleeping.....you know exactly how it is! The police were no help at all, so I kept a very detailed diary and sent it to the local council's community safety team. They were very helpful, and were on the point of taking action when they all left in the middle of the night. Apparently the council could take action against the tenants and / or landlord, so they might be worth contacting too? I really feel for you, your home is meant to be your refuge, it's horrible to be on edge 24/7. I hope you can get some help, and peace.

[Tlollj]

The HA know full well what these people are like , they’ve not just started this because they’ve moved in next to you.
Report them to HA and police. Stress you must remain anonymous because he’s already threatened to stab you.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

The council's have a legal duty of care towards their tenants.


I've dealt with families like this professionally... Usually council teams are very good at investigating and actioning these... Good luck 🤞.

Write them an email/letter. Something like

Start off with:

Dear team /whoever deals with this in your council.

This MUST be kept very quiet,with the highest level of sensitivity. As my neighbours have threatened me with a knife and I'm living in fear they will carry out their threat against me and my children.

Their continued threats and threatening behaviour continue daily. We even share a front pathway. I can't escape seeing them. This impacts me making me terrified for me and my children (I'm a single parent with no local family support).

There are dozens of incidences... Some are:

Detail several of the worst here....

Please contact me by phone in first instance (you don't want them obviously coming to front door). I am very frightened.
I've delayed contacting you as I am terrified they will discover /guess its me and up their threatening behaviour.

[Loopeyloou]

I'm feeling slightly better this morning, thanks to all of your support ❤️ managed to get a few hours sleep so I'm up and kind of ready to face this. I'm going to the police station today. I'm also going to have a chat with the HA and make an appointment with my GP. Fingers crossed I don't make this situation worse for myself. I'm hoping they will deal with them along with the support of a few neighbours (who I'm going to also speak to today).... Keep telling myself I've got this 🤞 even though all I want todo is curl up in bed and forget the world exists right now 😭🤦🏼‍♀️ Wish me luck folks 🤞

[Loopeyloou]

@IamtheDevilsAvocado

The council's have a legal duty of care towards their tenants.

I've dealt with families like this professionally... Usually council teams are very good at investigating and actioning these... Good luck 🤞.

Write them an email/letter. Something like

Start off with:

Dear team /whoever deals with this in your council.

This MUST be kept very quiet,with the highest level of sensitivity. As my neighbours have threatened me with a knife and I'm living in fear they will carry out their threat against me and my children.

Their continued threats and threatening behaviour continue daily. We even share a front pathway. I can't escape seeing them. This impacts me making me terrified for me and my children (I'm a single parent with no local family support).

There are dozens of incidences... Some are:

Detail several of the worst here....

Please contact me by phone in first instance (you don't want them obviously coming to front door). I am very frightened.
I've delayed contacting you as I am terrified they will discover /guess its me and up their threatening behaviour.

Thank you so so much ❤️ In my sleep deprived/depressed state right now I couldn't have wrote that so well. It's very much appreciated. I will use this template to start the process.

[Justa47]

@Loopeyloou

Call the cops

[Tossblanket]

Move.

I'm not being flippant, but I've seen a thousand neighbourhood disputes in my working life and they're hardly ever resolved.

Some people are just pieces of shit and nothing you do or say will ever change that.

[Inthecanyon]

@siblingrevelryagain

I hate to say it but I think you should contact the housing association and tell them they have to move you as it’s a safeguarding matter (you and your children). Unless you own it it’s not necessarily your forever home and often times a change can lead to something as good if not better (and neighbours/community make something ‘forever’ more than structure etc).

Try to imagine a life beyond this-where you’re not living in terror. In an ideal world they’d be reported and something done about them, but sadly that’s not always the case. The one thing you can impact on is your choices (to some extent).

I agree with this, you need to stress that it is a safeguarding matter due to there being young children and that you are moved ASAP.

The ideal scenario would be that you are moved even if you don’t feel like that at the moment. If the neighbours are moved on and they have any suspicions it was you who reported them, remember that they will still know where you live. Not saying this to scare you, but it’s something to think about. At least if you’re the one to move, they won’t know where you are.

Sorry this is happening to you, it’s awful that you can’t feel safe in you’re own home. I really hope that you can get this sorted and live freely again

[Looubylou]

Well done for finding the courage to take action. They are very unlikely to have access to a van load of "gypsies". Most male travellers I have had contact with ( through work) are out working/making a living everyday, not sitting around waiting to be recruited to intimidate local single mothers. They are using ridiculous threats to intimidate you into not reporting them, because they have probably been reported and moved many times. If the police, H/A, don't resolve the situation for you, you sound like someone who could make an equally lovely home somewhere else. This might be at financial and emotional cost but you and your children would be happier in the long term. You can and will make things better for your family, you've already made a positive start 💐

[Heatherjayne1972]

Could you have a quiet word with the nice neighbours. Get everyone else to complain to the H/A. also I wonder if your nasty neighbours are being nasty towards everyone ( although you seem to be getting the brunt)

I think a detailed diary times dates places witnesses is a good idea.
The noise app that pp mentioned might help with evidence
Every single time something happens call the police - it’s all recorded by them so they can build up a picture / evidence against next door
Plus I’d bet these people are well known by the authorities and the H/A
Don’t let anyone fob you off. Remember you have the right to live in your own home peacefully

I’m so sorry this is happening to you

[tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz]

Hi OP. I'm so sorry for what's happening, it sounds really awful. What kind of person threatens a mum living on her own with her kids with a knife? Jesus Christ no wonder you're frightened.

Agree that you really have no choice but to report this as it's not going to just magically stop.

Whilst they may be reluctant at first to make a statement try and discretely speak to other neighbours ... if nothing else to act as another set of eyes to watch out for you. We had similar (but no where near as bad) a few years ago and the built like a tank chap over the road (I reckon he was in his 50s but something about his demeanour and how he spoke makes me think he may have had a shady past, semi gangster I reckon ) said to me that if ever I felt threatened or unsafe especially if DH wasn't there and I had DD with me I should come to their house immediately. 24/7. That little gesture made me feel less alone.

Also, there is no way no one else has had issues with these people and you never know - there may be instances that others have reported in the past with starting to build.

Please speak to the JA and Police, there must be methods they can suggest which will keep you anonymous.

I hope it gets better soon love

[tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz]

DevilsAvacado that's an excellent letter.