To expect an exception for bf baby?

[PatchItUp]

I have a 2 month old baby who is exclusively breastfed. Today I’ve got a hairdressers appointment for the first time in months and I’ve been really looking forward to it. I’m having cut and colour so may be a few hours. I’d expressed some milk and my DH is going to try giving him a bottle for the first time.

I mentioned when I arrived that this was the situation and that if he refused the bottle, my DH would bring the baby in to be fed then take him away again. I’ve done this in a different hairdressers with my older children before with no problem.

The receptionist said there was a no children policy and therefore I wouldn’t be able to bring him in. I was a bit shocked and reiterated that he is very young, exclusively bf and couldn’t be left hungry if he wouldn’t take the bottle. She said she would check with the hairdresser.

Hairdresser came and said much the same thing - no child policy, if we make an exception for you we have to make one for everyone and customers will complain. I said again that I understood a no child policy to prevent toddlers running around or making noise but this would be a small baby coming in for a feed and then out again. She said she would check with the manager.

Manager heard and said from across the room ‘there’s nowhere for you to go’. By this point all the customers are listening and I felt really conscious and upset about being argued with by three different members of staff. I was fairly sure that this was illegal refusal of services but not totally confident so I said ‘I don’t need to go anywhere, he’ll just be on my lap, have a feed then go again’. They all again said it’s company policy, they can’t make any exceptions. The manager said ‘what’s the percentage chance he’ll need to come in?’ And one of the women said ‘there’s a good chance he’ll just take the bottle so why not take the risk?’ I replied I couldn’t take the risk that he wouldn’t take it and would be left screaming and hungry and not allowed to come in.

Eventually the manager reluctantly agreed that he could be brought in if necessary but it was clear they were really unhappy about it and it’s soured the experience for me massively.

When I checked on my phone it seems they’re acting illegally in refusing services to a breastfeeding mother, although I guess they could argue it’s down to chemical hazards (although this wasn’t mentioned at any time as a reason).

So - was I being unreasonable? And would I be unreasonable to complain later on?

I know some people will say I should have just left but my hair is such a state!! And I’ve been really looking forward to having it cut and having a few hours to myself.

From a legal standpoint op and her baby are one and the same.

The manager agreed the baby could be brought in if necessary so he wasn't breaking the law even if he was clearly unhappy about it.

but why would you want to be in this situation? If my children weren't welcome why would I give that business my money? I'd go to a child/family friendly place. Or I'd wait until my baby would take milk from someone else, or I'd get someone to come to my home. Just because it's a legal right doesn't mean it's the best course of action for anyone.

Not read the whole thread but it takes my hairdresser 45 minutes to do a cut and blow dry; two hours to do foils, cut and blowdry. The baby is two months and there will be some expressed milk. Can't your dh drive you to the hairdresser, you feed the baby in the car, skip to the hairdressers. The baby may cry a bit but your dh can wheel the baby in the pram and probably her or she will drop off.

I think you need to compromise op. I can see this from both sides and to be fair I wouldn't have wanted my 2 monther as close as that to some of the chemical fumes. The hairdresser may also have a numbers limit in the salon.

[quote AppleAppleAppleApple]@worriedatthemoment I don’t know about the hairdressers chemicals, but workplaces HAVE to let you breastfeed your baby at work during work hours.[/quote]
Yes, it could well be. However the business would need a risk assessment to determine this and it probably wouldn’t be worth the legal battle to do so if other hairdressers can demonstrate that it is safe, unless there’s something quite specific about the services they provide.

@worriedatthemoment then YOU’RE the problem.

Who do you have a problem with women breastfeeding?

@CocktailOnion

Given the people are receiving cancer diagnosis alone (including teenage children) due to covid protocols, I would fully expect a hair do appointment to be taken alone , adding a baby and dh fetching and collecting baby is 3 people in the salon when there only needs to be one.

Totally agree.

If you can't leave your DS for the length of your appointment you need to find a hairdresser who will come to your home to do your hair.

I've breastfed 2 bottle refusing babies so I know what it involves. I don't think you were being very fair on the salon and if I was having my hair done in an adult only salon I wouldn't expect a baby to be there. Getting my hair done is a child free treat for me - I don't want to hear someone elses child while I'm there.

@WorkplaceLlama is that directed at me? I don’t understand what you mean?

@skirk64

YABU. It's not discrimination because they are not refusing service to a breastfeeding woman, they are merely insisting that all customers follow the rules which have been set up for everyone's safety and comfort.

This isn't to do with discrimination, it is to do with a woman's legal right to take her breastfed child anywhere that the woman herself is legally allowed to be present. It is illegal for a business to refuse entry to a breastfed child.

Yabu

Glad baby took bottle

Next time check with salon

Child free means that

So an hour after writing this post saying you were going to hairdressers, you reply saying dh managed to give a bottle

Sounds like you fed ages ago if baby needed a feed at beginning of app

But good took the bottle

Perhaps it's the way that you turned up & told them what might be happening rather than checking in advance?

I don't know why you'd want your baby in there with the smell/fumes.

YANBU

This thread makes for depressing reading. I don't know whether I'm more agog at the lack of compassion for a new mother or the complete disregard for the law which protects her right to feed her baby.

The OP has gone out of her way to ensure an absolute minimum of disturbance for the salon and its patrons and very few posters seem to think that she should be accommodated in any way. Special bonus points for the posters taking the position "I martyred myself by not leaving the house for two years after giving birth so you should do the same".

I'm also confused that on mumsnet there seems to be a lot of posters who seem to have never met a 2-month old breastfed baby. They don't wail or create disturbance, they don't get distracted. They feed and fall into a milk coma. Some of you seem to be getting confused with 2-year olds. I'd a million times rather have a 2 month old next to me than many of the patrons I've sat next to in hairdressers over the years.

@AppleAppleAppleApple no i am
Not , I bf myself ffs but I also wouldn't expect colleagues to do my work whilst i bf every hr as some babies do , or my baby to have to come in to my workplace
Women have bf for years and its not like there aren't options

Apologies Apple, that was to @worriedatthemoment

They aren't acting illegally as it isn't imperative that you have an appointment in their salon. The law around breastfeeding means that they can't make you stop breastfeeding, but they aren't obligated to provide a space for you to do so. But that is redundant anyway as there is a no child policy. Wait till your baby goes longer between feeds or find another salon who will allow this.

[quote AppleAppleAppleApple]@worriedatthemoment I don’t know about the hairdressers chemicals, but workplaces HAVE to let you breastfeed your baby at work during work hours.[/quote]
Is this in the last ten years ,? My oldest is elevan ,I was told work places had to allow me a place to express milk if I wanted to breast feed not that the baby could come to work with me,I was a staff nurse working in acute mental health in inpatient services ,so it really wouldn't have been appropriate to have a baby with me anyway .

Just get a mobile hairdresser then. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your child. There’s nothing more annoying than being at hair or beauty salon and someone’s toddler is running riot or baby screaming, people go there for a pamper and a relax. But now as is so often the case so many parents think the rest of the world should tolerate their kids.

*so I shouldn’t have my hair cut for as long as I’m breastfeeding?

I promise not to complain if my baby accidentally swallows my hair confused*

God that reeks of self-entitled, self-absorbed bratty-ness. There are options; you clearly just don’t like being told no.

Either, split the appointment so it’s not so long.
Cancel and re-book with a child friendly hairdresser.
Try your child with a bottle before leaving it until the day (I mean. That’s obvious isn’t it?!)
Cancel the appointment and wait the extra couple of months until baby is going longer between feeds before you re-book.

Plenty of options.

I went fir a job interview when ds was two months. I was out four hours
He refused bottle Nd cried.
No big deal he survived.
Your baby will survive four hours even if cries
Just get your hair done and let dh Rock the baby
Baby cries no big deal

@cookiecreampie that is also my understanding

Just a whole ton of hassle for a business that has been closed nearly a year.

YABU. If your baby is too young to be separated from you for the time it takes for an (essentially unnecessary) appointment, then you don't go.
Most 2 month old babies can go 3 hours between feeds though. Even if they're a bit hungry, they won't drop dead in the time it takes for your appointment. If you feel that it's not ok for your baby to wait, don't go. Have a cut but not a colour and then have the colour the following week at a separate appointment or something.

(I EBF both my children and am hugely pro-breastfeeding but think that hairdressers are not the place for young babies).

[quote worriedatthemoment]@AppleAppleAppleApple no i am
Not , I bf myself ffs but I also wouldn't expect colleagues to do my work whilst i bf every hr as some babies do , or my baby to have to come in to my workplace
Women have bf for years and its not like there aren't options
[/quote]
Sigh. Here, let me try and explain.

I had a job interview when ds was 2 months. It involved a whole day of tasks. I was given time to express.

This did not involve me suddenly getting up mid interview. It involved me expressing in two fifteen minute slots.

What you would be happy with is by the by.

But i’d take ‘a quick feed’ with a pinch of salt. Sometimes they feed for 10 minutes other times an hour. OP had no way to be sure how long she’d hold up the stylist or clients after her, if allowed to have her baby brought in for a feed.

Well, I trust OP.

I b/f all my 3. I'm completely aware what was possible with all 3. I know if I were in the same situation, I'd be able to quickly feed - OP also does.

The utter arrogance of you telling a mother she's no idea what her baby's feeding requirements are 🙄

@Embracelife

I went fir a job interview when ds was two months. I was out four hours He refused bottle Nd cried. No big deal he survived. Your baby will survive four hours even if cries Just get your hair done and let dh Rock the baby Baby cries no big deal

There have been some awful posts here but this one is dreadful.

You left a two MONTH old crying and hungry?