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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to let child indoors in these circumstances?

98 replies

Knitwit101 · 04/05/2021 15:34

We're in Scotland, no indoor home visits allowed, but you can sit indoors in a cafe.

I've been caring for a friend's child a lot recently, she's had some major health problems. I've looked after him for years, she looks after my boy, never a problem, I would do anything for her while she's sick. Her dh is completely unbending on the covid rules.

7 yr old boys, they've been really good about staying outside all winter and spring, through some pretty horrible weather. They've played under the car port thing outside our kitchen door when it's been raining.

Past few weeks the weather has been mostly okay and they've played outdoors no problem.

Yesterday and today, typical Scottish bank holiday, it hasn't stopped raining. They were outdoors in the car port for 4 hours yesterday, they were cold but they didn't complain.

I had him again this morning and it was forecast to rain on and off all morning. I asked if I could take them to a cafe for an hour but her dh said no, even though that's not against the rules. He wants them to stay outside.

It's been raining all morning and thanks to the wind direction the rain was blowing straight through the car port. They still played out for a good while, they did their best, playing on the trampoline between showers and hiding out in the one corner that was sort of sheltered from the rain when it was really wet.

After nearly 2 hours friend's son came to the door and asked if he could go home because he was cold.

I texted my friend and asked if he could be picked up in the next half hour as he was too cold, said I would give them a hot chocolate while they waited. So they went back to their corner with their hot choc and a blanket each to wait for friend's dh (who works from home) to come and collect him.

45 minutes later no sign, kids are cold and wet and miserable. Even their blankets are wet. They were properly shivering. And this is 2 kids who have been outside every day since whenever we were last allowed indoors so they're pretty hardy I would say. It's just been non-stop wet the past 48 hours, the kind of wet that gets right in your bones.

I brought them inside and let friend sit on a kitchen stool just inside the door, left the door wide open, but at least he was out of the rain and wind, and texted friend to say he was now indoors, he was too cold, could they collect him asap or could I bring him home in the car, also against the rules but max 3 minutes door to door.

She phoned me minutes later to say her dh was coming for him right now and he was to go back outside and wait.

I told him he had to go back out so all 3 of us went and stood in the one tiny dry-ish corner under the car port while it took his dad 20 minutes to drive 3 minutes to collect him.

So was IBU to let him inside when I knew his dad wanted him to be outside? When I had told them he was cold and needed to be collected and it took them an hour from when I first asked them to come for him?

If a friend of mine had left my kid standing outside soaked through in the rain I would have been pretty pissed off and questioned their judgement. But I did go against his dad's wishes so maybe I am wrong.

There are exemptions for emergency childcare, my friend would happily use them in her current circumstances but her dh says no way. Her dh works from home so theoretically their ds could have stayed at home, both his parents were in the house, although my friend would probably have been asleep and her dh would have been working.

She's messaged me now to apologise for her dh and to thank me for having ds for her again. So I've obviously caused problems there between her and her dh too, when she's already unwell and stressed.

Thank goodness they're back at school tomorrow, we can meet indoors soo, hopefully the weather will improve, and friend's health is improving, so hopefully we won't have a repeat of this shitty day.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2021 18:28

The “d”h sounds like an utter shit!

He can look after his own child if he’s so fastidious!

Imagine insisting that your own child should be kept out in the rain and not allowed in to warm up. The poor little mite! And it’s actually affecting your son too. So he’s insisting that you make your son stand out in the rain!

Knitwit101 · 04/05/2021 18:28

I don't know anyone playing outdoors only

Is this a Scotland/England thing or am I genuinely going mad? The Scotland level 4 guidance said no indoor mixing in private households with an exemption for essential childcare which this is not.
Level 3 I now realise has an informal childcare exemption. I'll need to read about that.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2021 18:29

And yy to “from the comfort of his warm sheltered office” Hmm

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2021 18:30

I think Scotland / England is different. In England you can have informal childcare bubbles indoors. But I also think people have stopped sticking precisely to the rules!

Knitwit101 · 04/05/2021 18:32

think Scotland / England is different. In England you can have informal childcare bubbles indoors

Phew. I thought I really was losing it.

OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 04/05/2021 18:36

This is very unfair on your son too.

Why should he stand outside in the cold and the rain because friend's dad insists friend can't come in. If he's so bloody concerned, he should be watching his own child! And not expecting others to bend over backwards.

I'd make it crystal clear there will not be any more outdoor playdates. You won't force your son, or theirs to stand in the rain again. I'd also let friend or her DH know that you were disappointed to be treated that way after you've helped out on so many days.

SavingsQuestions · 04/05/2021 18:37

I don't know anyone who has been having friends over for playdates (although I am sure there's people bending the rules..)

However childcare was allowed. I didn't realise childcare wasn't allowed in Scotland!!!

I also think people here are begining to bend the rules now that 17th is looming as we can have people indoors then (England.)

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2021 18:38

Im wondering if I’m wrong though! A Scottish friend of mine recently said there weren’t informal childcare bubbles in Scotland but I don’t know if it has changed!

Knitwit101 · 04/05/2021 18:46

Indoors wasn't allowed in Scotland until last week or thereabouts. I think some people were using the essential childcare exemption but we didn't because it wasn't essential. I have an older teenager who would have tried to take maximum advantage of any rule bending if he saw it so we stuck to the rules. We were quite happy to stick to them, it wasn't a problem. No-one was cold and wet and miserable and unable to go home.

I now realise that informal childcare is allowed in Scotland, I honestly hadn't realised that until today so thanks to those who pointed it out.

I won't be looking after this wee lad again on a cold and rainy morning unless I can bring him inside.

OP posts:
quizqueen · 04/05/2021 19:16

Won't they inside in a classroom with each other anyway or, if not, then with other children?

SymbollocksInteractionism · 04/05/2021 19:20

YADNBU it was absolutely bloody freezing yesterday and the H was being ridiculous

Howshouldibehave · 04/05/2021 19:22

Yes.Hasn't everyone?We haven't had anyone inside our house since October and we haven't been in anyone else's either. Apart from Christmas Day. Surely that was the rule, no indoor mixing?

We haven’t had anyone round inside the house. No DC round to play at all. I wouldn’t have had anyone’s kids round to play and kept them in the garden though! If an ill friend wanted for me to have them for childcare, I’d have said it was essential and had them inside-it’s been bloody freezing here over the last few months.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 04/05/2021 19:25

He sounds abusive.

Is your friend OK?

berryhead2013 · 04/05/2021 20:25

But they are allowed inside for childcare reasons just not the parents are they not poor kids I would have let him in yanbu x

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 04/05/2021 20:29

He sounds ridiculous. Your poor son is being kept outside too. Next time I'd just say we're going to a cafe or 'the kids are coming inside, it's too cold, pick up if you're not comfortable with that'.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 04/05/2021 20:48

YANBU!

Out of interest, if the DH is working and his wife is unwell, isn’t what you are proving ‘essential’ childcare anyway? Surely if it was non-essential you wouldn’t have been doing it during covid? What would have happened if you hadn’t been able to look after their child?

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/05/2021 20:58

The father sounds cruel and controlling, rude and inconsiderate towards his own son, but also towards you and your son. The rules allow the child indoors and if they are at school together there's no logical reason not to. I would not expect someone else to keep their 7 year old outside in this weather all day long, even if I thought my own child would be ok with it.
Are there other issues going on? It doesn't sound like a happy situation for the boy

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/05/2021 21:00

I also think that you should have just said "it's too cold and wet, he is staying indoors until you collect him" as clearly the dad was in no hurry and the child could have ended up hypothermic

Subordinateclause · 04/05/2021 21:11

DH is completely unreasonable.

If there have been no childcare bubbles and nurseries have been shut in Scotland since Christmas until recently, how on earth did people work?! It was a problem in England last lockdown but more people were off work and employers sort of understood. This time round people were really expected to get on with their jobs.

Thesearmsofmine · 04/05/2021 21:13

I’d be quite concerned about this little boy and his mum. Dad sounds so controlling.

notanothertakeaway · 04/05/2021 21:15

I'm in Scotland and have adhered to the rules. YANBU

KizzyMoo · 04/05/2021 21:24

Do they think the kids are dogs? Actually I wouldn't leave my dog out in the rain for hours. Shocking. Social service need calling. Don't have them again OP let them stay home in the warm.

HotPenguin · 04/05/2021 21:24

Of course YANBU though I personally would not have marched the kids back out in the rain on the say so of a friend's husband. If he wants to use you as free childcare he needs to accept your judgement about when it might be necessary to bring the kids inside. It's cruel to leave them cold and wet, and since they are already at school together it's also fairly pointless

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