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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to let child indoors in these circumstances?

98 replies

Knitwit101 · 04/05/2021 15:34

We're in Scotland, no indoor home visits allowed, but you can sit indoors in a cafe.

I've been caring for a friend's child a lot recently, she's had some major health problems. I've looked after him for years, she looks after my boy, never a problem, I would do anything for her while she's sick. Her dh is completely unbending on the covid rules.

7 yr old boys, they've been really good about staying outside all winter and spring, through some pretty horrible weather. They've played under the car port thing outside our kitchen door when it's been raining.

Past few weeks the weather has been mostly okay and they've played outdoors no problem.

Yesterday and today, typical Scottish bank holiday, it hasn't stopped raining. They were outdoors in the car port for 4 hours yesterday, they were cold but they didn't complain.

I had him again this morning and it was forecast to rain on and off all morning. I asked if I could take them to a cafe for an hour but her dh said no, even though that's not against the rules. He wants them to stay outside.

It's been raining all morning and thanks to the wind direction the rain was blowing straight through the car port. They still played out for a good while, they did their best, playing on the trampoline between showers and hiding out in the one corner that was sort of sheltered from the rain when it was really wet.

After nearly 2 hours friend's son came to the door and asked if he could go home because he was cold.

I texted my friend and asked if he could be picked up in the next half hour as he was too cold, said I would give them a hot chocolate while they waited. So they went back to their corner with their hot choc and a blanket each to wait for friend's dh (who works from home) to come and collect him.

45 minutes later no sign, kids are cold and wet and miserable. Even their blankets are wet. They were properly shivering. And this is 2 kids who have been outside every day since whenever we were last allowed indoors so they're pretty hardy I would say. It's just been non-stop wet the past 48 hours, the kind of wet that gets right in your bones.

I brought them inside and let friend sit on a kitchen stool just inside the door, left the door wide open, but at least he was out of the rain and wind, and texted friend to say he was now indoors, he was too cold, could they collect him asap or could I bring him home in the car, also against the rules but max 3 minutes door to door.

She phoned me minutes later to say her dh was coming for him right now and he was to go back outside and wait.

I told him he had to go back out so all 3 of us went and stood in the one tiny dry-ish corner under the car port while it took his dad 20 minutes to drive 3 minutes to collect him.

So was IBU to let him inside when I knew his dad wanted him to be outside? When I had told them he was cold and needed to be collected and it took them an hour from when I first asked them to come for him?

If a friend of mine had left my kid standing outside soaked through in the rain I would have been pretty pissed off and questioned their judgement. But I did go against his dad's wishes so maybe I am wrong.

There are exemptions for emergency childcare, my friend would happily use them in her current circumstances but her dh says no way. Her dh works from home so theoretically their ds could have stayed at home, both his parents were in the house, although my friend would probably have been asleep and her dh would have been working.

She's messaged me now to apologise for her dh and to thank me for having ds for her again. So I've obviously caused problems there between her and her dh too, when she's already unwell and stressed.

Thank goodness they're back at school tomorrow, we can meet indoors soo, hopefully the weather will improve, and friend's health is improving, so hopefully we won't have a repeat of this shitty day.

OP posts:
Mehoooole · 04/05/2021 17:05

Get away on with them.
You were doing them a favour and in return they demand your child has to stand outside in the cold and rain for hours on end.
Someone complains about how I look after their child as a favour, I do not look after their child again.

whyhell0there · 04/05/2021 17:06

Informal childcare is currently allowed in Scotland, including indoors. Scroll down to the informal childcare section on Parent Club: www.parentclub.scot/childcare

Knitwit101 · 04/05/2021 17:08

I honestly hadn't realised the childcare rules had changed in Scotland. I'm so switched off from the news now. I will have a look.

I basically used friend's Dh as my guide for what is and is not allowed because he's so obsessed with the rules I figured he would know. And I didn't realise what a dick he is.

How wrong was I?

Today has been an eye-opener for sure.

OP posts:
FuckyouCovid21 · 04/05/2021 17:09

@Mydarlingmyhamburger

What a massive post for a complete non issue
Yet you still felt the need to post?
clpsmum · 04/05/2021 17:12

Why did you let her dh dictate to you what your schedule did? If he didn't want his child in your house he should've sorted alternative childcare

clpsmum · 04/05/2021 17:13

And if I were you I wouldn't be doing childcare for them again

shinynewapple21 · 04/05/2021 17:15

I can't believe the child's dad actually preferred the child to stay outside in the cold . Presumably the child goes to school and sits indoors in a classroom with other children?
Did he expect your child to also get wet and cold or did he want his own DC standing outside alone ?
I'm sure it's possible to have plenty of indoor ventilation , sit the children on opposite sides of the room and watch a film for a bit , quite safe .

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 04/05/2021 17:18

Have you got his number? Call him out completely on this behaviour, unless you think it will make things worse.

He sounds like a twat.

SendARavenToRiverRun · 04/05/2021 17:19

What a utter twat. Poor kid(s)

LizJamIsFab · 04/05/2021 17:19

I think the Dad was being a bit of a tool.

You did the right thing. There is being hardy and then shivering and wet through!

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 04/05/2021 17:21

That man is a disgrace. You are minding his son because he doesn't want to disrupt his work. He has absolutely no right to tell you that you must watch his and your son outside in the freezing rain. He also should have left immediately to pick him up. Most parents would have gone bananas if they'd heard their child was forced to stay outside in the freezing rain all day when they had trusted a friend to look after them, not insisted on it! That would be the last time I ever looked after this knobhead's child.
Just out of interest, what was the dad like when he (finally) collected his son? Did he thank you, apologise for the bother or anything like that? Or was he annoyed that he had to leave work to fetch him home?
If his wife is too unwell to look after their child then it falls to him to do it, not expect someone else to force the boys to play outside slowly freezing to death.

Knitwit101 · 04/05/2021 17:29

I'm not going to call him out on anything, I'm now feeling a bit weird about what life might be like for my friend at home if he's like this about other things, I don't know.

But I will be making sure I understand the rules for myself and be less of a walkover.

I will still help my friend, neither of us have family nearby, she's my best pal. But I won't have the kids outside in the cold like that again.

I was wondering at the start if IWBU for going against his dad when my question really should have been AIBU for leaving these kids outside so long. And yes I probably was.

OP posts:
Yummymummy2020 · 04/05/2021 17:36

For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing. I can understand the not wanting the child indoors in good weather during Covid but it wasn’t, it was freezing and you were right to take him in. I would have done the exact same and I’m high risk myself.
I think if he has issues with you doing this in this situation, and you still want to help your friend, I would just say you are not willing to leave them freezing in the rain so the child can come over or he can decide to keep him at home if it’s cold and wet. I would like to think my child wouldn’t be left outside frozen and wet! He sounds a bit mental to be honest, and I haven’t had people in myself to our home and have been pretty religious with trying to follow the guidelines as best I can!

MsTSwift · 04/05/2021 17:36

Think he mistook you for staff

MyDogIsDrivingMeMad · 04/05/2021 17:36

Your friend's husband is an idiot to be such a stickler for rules that he can't allow for common sense.

You were not unreasonable, and it's not your fault that your friend is married to an idiot. I have a feeling that if they did argue about this incident, its only one of many, many similar instances. Next time the weather is this bad, I'd say he couldn't come over. It's not fair to keep them out in such awful weather! The idiot husband/father can pick up the slack on those days.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 04/05/2021 17:43

Yes keep a close eye on your friend because her home life may be unpleasant if he's like this about something where you're doing him a favour.

I'd absolutely say you will only have her ds inside from now on.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 04/05/2021 17:47

To be honest I can't believe you've made your child do this aswell as someone else's for months. Not a chance would I have had my child putting up with that. The dh sounds abusive.

swashbucklecheer · 04/05/2021 17:55

YABU only because you hadn't brought the poor boys in sooner!

Knitwit101 · 04/05/2021 18:00

To be honest I can't believe you've made your child do this aswell as someone else's for months

They haven't been cold and miserable for months. They are generally happy and enjoy being outside. I wouldn't have let them be like this for months.

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 04/05/2021 18:07

What a horrible man-he should be having his own child if he’s working from home?

I would only have him again if it was on the understanding they were coming inside.

Have you really kept them outside all winter?!

Knitwit101 · 04/05/2021 18:19

Have you really kept them outside all winter?!

Yes. Hasn't everyone?
We haven't had anyone inside our house since October and we haven't been in anyone else's either. Apart from Christmas Day. Surely that was the rule, no indoor mixing?

OP posts:
seepingweeping · 04/05/2021 18:21

@Knitwit101 no? I don't know anyone playing outdoors only.

My son has been inside playing with his friends in ours or at his friends houses.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 04/05/2021 18:23

I don't know anyone outside only either. We've let kids mix indoors, they're at school together all day.

NicolaDunsire · 04/05/2021 18:24

Same here Knitwit101, kids haven’t had an indoor play date since before Christmas.

Teacupsandtoast · 04/05/2021 18:28

I'm in Scotland and my kids have been in friends houses under the informal childcare rule. Her dh is a twat and was happy for his child to suffer while he acted like a twat