If you have children and you and your partner/spouse both work full time, who does household and children related stuff?

[merrynelly]

I'm talking cooking, cleaning, house admin, looking after the children, child related admin such as appointments, buying clothes etc? I'm just wondering how much of this falls on women even though you both work full time, and how many people genuinely have equality in their households?

We split it equally. I wouldn't have kids with just a partner and I wouldn't have stayed with a sexist pig who thought working FT is a Get Out of Life Free card and sees women as Maids of All Work with sex on the side. Training is for dogs, not adults also and women are not rehab centres for shit men.

This is the 3rd thread on this in the last 2 days.

I don't think you'll get a very realistic picture here as these threads seem to attract a heavy number of MNetters who say its at least 50/50 or their DH's do more than them.

Very different to real life in my experience, where very often the women do much more.

@WorraLiberty

This is the 3rd thread on this in the last 2 days.

I don't think you'll get a very realistic picture here as these threads seem to attract a heavy number of MNetters who say its at least 50/50 or their DH's do more than them.

Very different to real life in my experience, where very often the women do much more.

That's interesting. Do you have links to the other threads please? And yes.. I see many women on here who shout LTB because he doesn't pull his weight. Yet in real life every woman I know is dealing with this kind of man

We both work four days a week. I think we have a pretty even split.

Our older one has a lot of hospital appointments, we take turns with these. I do more general things - decluttering, sorting the kids outgrown toys etc, long term financial planning and investments- my DH does a bit more of the day to day, e.g paying nursery, bills, etc

We do have an explicit division of responsibilities - don't stick to it rigidly but we know which chores are ours which really helps.

@WorraLiberty

This is the 3rd thread on this in the last 2 days.

I don't think you'll get a very realistic picture here as these threads seem to attract a heavy number of MNetters who say its at least 50/50 or their DH's do more than them.

Very different to real life in my experience, where very often the women do much more.

I guess you see what sticks out to you. I see a lot of posts on here from people whose partners seem to do absolutely nothing around the house as they have important jobs...

We do it 50:50, my husband is absolutely fantastic and it’s never been a question of me divvying up the work or nagging him to get stuff done.

BUT a massive help is that we have a cleaner, so she does a lot and then it’s not a huge job for DH and I do stuff. She’s fantastic.

My OH has a much lower standard of cleanliness than I do so it mostly falls to me - I get pissed off sooner. And he stays out of kids school/extra curricular organisation as well. I also do all the laundry.

We share.

Although I tend to do most the gardening and planning and he does most of the chauffering of the children to their activities.

I think most of it is pretty equal.

I guess you see what sticks out to you. I see a lot of posts on here from people whose partners seem to do absolutely nothing around the house as they have important jobs...

That's very true but they're normally posts within other threads, whereas threads specifically asking about partners pulling their weight, tend to fill up pretty quickly with posters who share 50/50.

Perhaps the other posters just avoid them or don't have the mental energy for the flaming they often get, for 'marrying a man-child' etc.

In our house, I work 4 days, my husband 5.

He gets up with the kids, gets them ready and drops them off. If he finished work early he offers to do pick up.

I do meal planning, he buys the food and puts it away, I do all the cooking

He does gardening, diy, bins, recycling

We have a cleaner

We do our own laundry and bung the kids stuff that needs doing in with our own. I probably put more washes on and he probably folds more, I tend to put away.

We just tidy as and when, we are quite messy and dirty by mumsnet standards tbh, don't change bed sheets as often as we should etc

I buy the kids clothes and sort their birthday presents and friends presents etc. He does all the bills and finances and house admin. He deals with all the nursery admin and I do most of the school admin. I do the admin for their lessons and clubs.

We take turns giving the kids showers, we do a child each at bedtime

We both work part time, my husband does more child care, I do more paid work. However I also do more than him at home, a bit more cleaning, more child care when we are both at home, more "admin". It's not a massive difference and there are things I think my husband doesn't realise I do or need doing. I find it is hard work to keep setting the boundaries about what we do and it can cause arguments. I know a lot of female friends who work as much/more than their partner and I don't think any would say it is properly 50:50.

We share but I probably do more. However he does all the hefty stuff and often has the kids alone for weekends or week if I go away with my friends - and vice Versa - works for us

There's one here OP I can't find the other one as I don't think I posted on it.

But you'll see it kind of gives a skewed view of what things are really like in RL, or at least what I see around me in RL.

@WorraLiberty

This is the 3rd thread on this in the last 2 days.

I don't think you'll get a very realistic picture here as these threads seem to attract a heavy number of MNetters who say its at least 50/50 or their DH's do more than them.

Very different to real life in my experience, where very often the women do much more.

You said this on the thread I started about my friend. I asked as I don't have children.I think although the man in question on that thread was taking the piss. In general I think you're right on that men do less than women say in here.

Fwiw I share very equally with my male partner. With him doing lots of cooking an dishes as I get anxiety about this some of the time. It's an actual anxiety issue I take medication for not just I hate doing it!

Oh yeah the thread you linked. Didn't scroll!

I think the problem is mainly with men thinking they do a fair share even when the do absolutely fuck all.

In general I think you're right on that men do less than women say in here.

Yes, that's not to say that the people posting about doing 50/50 aren't being truthful, it's just that I think those who do much more tend to avoid this sort of thread if you know what I mean.

@WorraLiberty

This is the 3rd thread on this in the last 2 days.

I don't think you'll get a very realistic picture here as these threads seem to attract a heavy number of MNetters who say its at least 50/50 or their DH's do more than them.

Very different to real life in my experience, where very often the women do much more.

Whereas in real life for me, everyone seems to have married what my mum would term “modern men” who really pull their weight. All the women have careers and so their partners share the “wife work” with them, no questions asked

I do a bit more than 50% now because although we both work FT, my DH has started his own business on the side as a second job as it were. But, overall it is still less work than before he started his business because 3 of 4 DCs have now left home and are independent adult/or at university. It’s amazing how things stay clean and tidy longer when you go from 6 people in a home to 3.

*before he started his business, it was 50/50.

We both worked FT, the helper collects the kids from school, does all the cleaning/laundry, ferries kids to after school activities etc.

I deal with appointments, husband takes youngest to OT and does the grocery shopping, I do the bills, the meal planning and most of the cooking because I enjoy it.

There seems to be less admin as the kids get older (or we’re better at it).

That being said, I definitely bore the brunt of life admin when the kids were smaller but I put a stop to that when I realized that I was the one doing all the thinking for the family. It creeps up too easily!

Whereas in real life for me, everyone seems to have married what my mum would term “modern men” who really pull their weight. All the women have careers and so their partners share the “wife work” with them, no questions asked

Yes, it's perhaps and age thing as I'm 52 but I've definitely noticed a change in younger generations thankfully.

Having said that, it could also be an area thing too as there seems to be far more useless men around here, having children with women who have very little expectations of them.

Playing with their kids for 20 minutes or the odd trip to the park, often results in women declaring what a wonderful dad they are and I'm not even joking, sadly.

Decades ago my DH did most of the pick ups and childcare - his job was close to home and regular, whereas mine was erratic and unpredictable (5am-11pm not unknown). We split household shopping but I did the gardening and planned entertaining. We did have a cleaner - it was worth spending on this to save our sanity as well as having someone more efficient than we were, especially since I'm from the Quentin Crisp school of housework. Sorry if this is a repeat of what everyone else on MN has said.

I’m married to a farmer. I do all the housework with help from my children on Saturday mornings. Husband does help out with cooking and doing dishes etc throughout the week. He will get the kids up for school and get them breakfast etc
He has never cleaned the house.
If he had a normal 9-5 job I wouldn’t accept our set up but he doesn’t so ??