AIBU to loose my shit when my almost 3 yo refuses to have his teeth brushed?

[Lois345]

Okay, sounds trivial, but tooth brushing is a major trigger for me. I have horrible teeth. I have spent sooo much time in the dentist chair as a child and as an adult. I don't want that for my ds. He is in a phase where he is refusing to let me brush his teeth no matter the time of the day. He won't do it himself either. I overreact and loose my shit because it is just such a major trigger for me. I grew up having the worst confidence about my smile. I have smiled with my mouth closed my whole life. I don't want that for him, but it surely isn't good for him either that I have a melt down just before bedtime because he refuses the toothbrush. Yes, I know they are baby teeth. Yes, I know that I should probably see a shrink, but seriously what does one do? Ds is 3 yo.

Combination of brush baby vibrating toothbrush with a light on it, hey duggee toothbrushing badge book, let him watch the episode, now we play the song while brushing (Lasts a convenient two minutes), got DS past this phase, plus stickers when he did well. Always stickers, preferably train stickers.
I understand your frustration but if your toddler is anywhere near as stubborn as ours, one whiff that something is a battle of wills you may as well give up because they're not going to.

Some children are bloody tough for it. In DS1's case it turned out that he has ASD. When he was 8 (prior to diagnosis) he missed half of his own brother's birthday party over tooth brushing. DS2 and DH went ahead and DS1 was in meltdown mode over it. It took over an hour that day before he could do it. Staying calmer does help.

Usually it is just a phase. A smaller toothbrush head, different toothpaste can help. Our OT recommended touching the tooth brush around the lips first to de-sensitise first. DS has never been one for cheesy songs, but definitely worth a try.

Having faffy children, our morning routine gradually moves us towards the front door so having a downstairs toilet near the door, the tooth brushes are in there for brushing after breakfast as we move in that direction and minimise distracting movement all over the house.

@Brigleylake seriously? get a life!

@QueenPaw

If you're not using one then try a not mint toothpaste. I struggled for years and didn't realise it wasn't normal for your mouth to burn when you clean your teeth

I got some for the kid's stockings one Christmas; Cupcake, Bacon and Chocolate. They were grim!

@GreyhoundG1rl bacon?!
I tend to stick with the Asda fruity stripes, or the Tesco strawberry milkshake one if I'm feeling adventurous

Some great ideas on this thread. My DS has resisted many things in his 4 years...but tooth brushing was the most stressful. It was a phase and it did pass, now he will very happily brush his teeth and let me brush them for him.

The things that helped...

Getting a "big boy" electric toothbrush that he chose in the shop. He loves the movie 'Cars' and we found an OralB one with Cars pictures which he was excited about
Finding a flavour he was happy with (for us it was mango and orange from Amazon as he loves eating mango)
Pretending to brush the teeth of his crocodile dentist toy
Letting him brush my teeth (with my toothbrush) then me brushing his
Being playful and making it into a game

You can talk about things as must do and may do - and teeth brushing is a must do!

I find my son resisted daily care tasks/tried to control things when there were periods of transition, such as going away for the weekend or starting back at nursery after lockdown. He would start resisting something, like teeth brushing, sun cream, getting dressed etc.

Good luck! You aren't alone in this, even if people don't really talk about it much.

@Brigleylake

YABU to spell Lose as Loose.

Did that make you feel good? Superior?

Thanks so much everyone for your advice. I was chasing monsters around my ds mouth this morning with the toothbrush, which he thought was hilarious - a game changer! I am sure I will be going through the whole list of advice over the coming weeks.

Brilliant Lois!

I really hope the games etc that people have recommended help!

For my child NOTHING fun worked. So in the end I would say "I will need to sit on you to brush your teeth if you don't let me". I would obviously be gentle and not squash him under my weight, but I did have to restrain him. He would cry initially but then got used to it and realised teeth wasn't a compromise.
I would empathise and soothe him until he calmed afterwards.

It used to make me so stressed. But teeth = health. And you can't compromise on the health of your child.

We used to tell my niece to show her fangs, which she thought was hilarious and was happy to oblige. I agree about turning it into a game.

My son was the same at that age. Toothbrushing songs, fruit flavoured toothpaste and look for various teeth in his mouth e.g. lions/dinosaurs etc. helped.

We bought an electric toothbrush which seemed to make a massive difference.

Remarkably, every time we go to the dentist, I am told his teeth are great, very clean etc. He's 7 now and fine with tooth brushing and still gets lots of praise at the dentist. To be fair, his teeth do look nice. I used to worry so much but it has turned out fine.

Do you take him to the dentist? They may be able to reassure you about his teeth.

My teeth are fine but my parents literally never took me to the dentist as a kid. I was 18 the first time I went I have absolutely no idea how my teeth were actually in decent condition! I swore my DS would visit the dentist regularly and he has since 6 months.

No need to 'lose your shit' over it. I literally have had to pin my kid down on occasion and brush her teeth while she screams at me, but I remain calm throughout. It doesn't happen often, because I warn her beforehand that if she doesn't let me brush her teeth I'll have to do it anyway. I give her to the count of three. Now she knows what to expect she tends to just go along with it.

To add to the list of excellent ideas, I offer 2-year-old DD the option of “fun teeth or screamy teeth – since she often screams about doing it anyway, it gives her an element of control, like “I can complain about this happening but it’s also my choice”. Her absolute fave is screamy teeth. She screams with mouth wide open while I brush. Sorry, neighbours. She does occasionally choose fun teeth.

Ds was a nightmare at that age and has returned to not wanting to clean his teeth now he is a teenager

We (well apart form some on mn) lose it at some point no harm done can’t be perfect all the time

I found an electric toothbrush helped (and yes I had to put him in a headlock at times)

Ds was a nightmare at that age and has returned to not wanting to clean his teeth now he is a teenager
Yeah, they do that... 😬

Don’t worry this is totally normal it’s also normal to lose your temper and shout. Three is a very difficult age. It does get easier. They can be lunatics at that age

Also when your kid is about 8 definitely get fissure sealant for their teeth.

My DP had this done as a child and has perfect teeth despite taking the worst care of them over the years.

Try the Sesame Street brushy brush video with Bruno Mars on YouTube.

I showed mine a picture of a small child with awful tooth decay.

Not in a kind of "fire brimstone and hellfire" kind of way but more look this poor little boy didn't brush his teeth and now they have all gone rotten and bad. That must be so sore for him.

My two brushed theirs sharpish after that. Perhaps they were a shade older than yours though, OP, maybe closer to 4.

@FightingTheFoo

Also when your kid is about 8 definitely get fissure sealant for their teeth.

My DP had this done as a child and has perfect teeth despite taking the worst care of them over the years.

Apparently that only lasts 5-10 years. Your DP is probably just not predisposed to tooth decay. Apparently, some people's mouth bacteria cause more caries than others (it's why you're not supposed to share utensils etc with babies, to protect their oral flora and not introduce your own).

It's true it's only supposed to last for that period of time but even when he goes to a new dentist now they can see he's had it done! I wish I'd had it done as a kid and will be taking mine as soon as he's old enough.

Yes, we let ours choose character toothbrushes, stuck with non mint toothpaste and tried to make a game of it which usually worked - but we had a far worse time over sun lotion, thank god not needed all year round. There were times that we did have to get ours in a head lock to get the stuff on. Same as dental hygiene- basic health issue so no way round it. Playing out at nursery in the sun, need hats and lotion, no arguments.

@Totallydefeated I've just come to. Find this thread to say thankyou. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.

Tonight for the first time EVER I have just brushed my nearly 4year olds teeth without nuclear war breaking out. In fact, she found the whole thing hilarious.

I honestly cannot thank you enough for suggesting monsters to the OP. I've tried EVERYTHING with my dd and nothing has ever made an iota of difference. Until tonight!

I’ll be honest, I just held my toddler down and brushed his teeth. It’s got to the point now where I say to him do you want to brush your teeth the easy way or the hard way, and he says the hard way and giggles while I ‘hold’ him down and brush his teeth. I did try the songs and silly dances and positive coaxing first though.