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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to loose my shit when my almost 3 yo refuses to have his teeth brushed?

94 replies

Lois345 · 01/05/2021 22:05

Okay, sounds trivial, but tooth brushing is a major trigger for me. I have horrible teeth. I have spent sooo much time in the dentist chair as a child and as an adult. I don't want that for my ds. He is in a phase where he is refusing to let me brush his teeth no matter the time of the day. He won't do it himself either. I overreact and loose my shit because it is just such a major trigger for me. I grew up having the worst confidence about my smile. I have smiled with my mouth closed my whole life. I don't want that for him, but it surely isn't good for him either that I have a melt down just before bedtime because he refuses the toothbrush. Yes, I know they are baby teeth. Yes, I know that I should probably see a shrink, but seriously what does one do? Ds is 3 yo.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lois345 · 01/05/2021 22:21

@MiddlesexGirl Do you think I would be writing this post if I thought it was okay?

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 01/05/2021 22:22

Electric
One that plays music
Favourite character
Choose it himself
Different toothpastes to try and see which is the nicest
Then onto bribery. Reward charts/ something nice tomorrow if you're good etc

Turning it into a battle is a terrible idea. Children that sort of age are pushing boundaries and want their own way. Bad attention is still attention. It's become a 'thing' if it hasn't already and might have long term consequences if he decides he hates doing it full stop. Could get an aversion to it.

If you feel you are losing your temper then stop. Do something else. Try again later.

Also having someone else brush your teeth is quite invasive iyswim. Having someone who is really angry with you do it, I think that would be really unpleasant.

Yes children drive you mad. Yes you can lose your temper. As the adult it's up to you to manage your reaction somehow. Sorry that's probably not what you want to hear.

Mammyloveswine · 01/05/2021 22:23

[quote Lois345]@Mammyloveswine Thanks so much for the tips and for the support! I am obviously feeling awful about loosing my shit, hence this post. I appreciate the non-judgemental support very much[/quote]
I've practically sat on mine before to clean their teeth! And I've definitely lost my shit more than I would like to (like today when my 3 year old casually ripped up the stair carpet and my 5 year old randomly threw a spoon at me hitting me square in the nose)...

ThanksWine

GreyhoundG1rl · 01/05/2021 22:24

@Beedabop

Baby bum toothbrush video was a game changer here.
Baby bum? Please tell me that's not a real thing?!
SinkGirl · 01/05/2021 22:24

My twins (both autistic) went through a phase where they wouldn’t entertain a toothbrush. I could sometimes get them to chew on one, that was it. We went to the SEN dentist and I was dreading it as I was so worried they’d have problems but their teeth are perfect.

One thing they do is chew on chew toys constantly - the dentist said this helps keep their teeth clean although obviously toothbrushing is better!

I would recommend trying an electric toothbrush away from tooth brushing time - you can buy battery powered kids ones. Mine found it quite fun and got them used to it gradually.

Apileofballyhoo · 01/05/2021 22:26

Minty toothpaste used to burn DS's mouth. He was happier with fruity flavoured stuff. I think it was oral b and had winnie the pooh on the tube, but I could be wrong about that.

moovinon · 01/05/2021 22:26

Completely understand!

I lose my shit every morning trying to get my 3 year old to brush her teeth too. Sometimes she will do it on her own, and then she lets me do a bit after, but normally she goes mad and then I go mad and eventually she lets me brush her teeth.

I have no advice.

GreyhoundG1rl · 01/05/2021 22:26

Actually, thinking back - we had a toothbrushing Barney which sang a song as he brushed his teeth in his big purple smirky face
I think ds2 eventually launched him down the stairs and he never brushed again. Shame.

DoubleTweenQueen · 01/05/2021 22:28

We had a song about brushing teeth we would limber up with, then I would sing it while monsters did some brushing, or I did it for them - or a recorded song. Make it fun. My 11 yr old is still not great at it, and I still have to badger her, if that helps at all!

Original poster
Lois345 · 01/05/2021 22:28

@moovinon

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 01/05/2021 22:28

Oh god eye drops.

And when DD had an inhaler for a while.

Yeah there's loads.

Dd2 and socks. Every morning before school. Jesus.

In the end (and I know she was older, started school at 4 years 2 months so not that much older). I said look. This sock thing. It's making us both really unhappy. You hate putting your socks on. I need you to put them on for school and I don't want to be late. So we're both getting upset and angry before school which is a rubbish way to start every day.

So I asked the problem (seams) and we had a look on the internet for some without. And we tried s couple of types. And she still didn't like them (still doesn't!) but it was better and we understood why each other were getting pissed off and were a bit more nice to each other iyswim.

Kids that age love control. And choices. Go to the shop or online, let him choose a couple, different flavours toothpaste. Let him choose each morning/ night. That might help, hopefully!

Oversize · 01/05/2021 22:29

When you 'lose your shit' with your toddler, what exactly does that mean? Shouting? Hitting? Frightening him?

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 01/05/2021 22:30

Argh, we all lose our shit about certain things so YANBU! Maybe get him a reward chart so that he gets a star for each day of 'good teeth brushing', and let him save up the stars until he has enough for a treat (maybe some sweets Wink)

DoubleTweenQueen · 01/05/2021 22:34

@Lois345 Show him this?

Totallydefeated · 01/05/2021 22:36

Has similar OP, I sympathise. What changed it was turning it into a game, talking about having to get rid of monsters on her teeth ‘ooh look, there’s a green one with pink spots, hold on, I’ll get it, oh! Nearly!! It’s gone and hidden behind this other one now, but I’ll get it, oh, there it goes!! PING!!! Brill. Right, ooh, now there’s a black one with orange glitter, he’s a cheeky one...’, you get the gist. She LOVED it. No problems since.

GreyhoundG1rl · 01/05/2021 22:37

@Totallydefeated

Has similar OP, I sympathise. What changed it was turning it into a game, talking about having to get rid of monsters on her teeth ‘ooh look, there’s a green one with pink spots, hold on, I’ll get it, oh! Nearly!! It’s gone and hidden behind this other one now, but I’ll get it, oh, there it goes!! PING!!! Brill. Right, ooh, now there’s a black one with orange glitter, he’s a cheeky one...’, you get the gist. She LOVED it. No problems since.
That's fab Smile
scrivette · 01/05/2021 22:37

I say have a range of 'tricks' and see which one works on a a particular day (and it may change every couple of days).

Things I do...

Pretend to be a dentist/doctor/tooth fairy checking teeth.
Giving one toothbrush and I use another.
Looking in mouth to see what food has been eaten today.
Looking in mouth to see if any teeth are ticklish with a toothbrush.
They brush my teeth whilst I do theirs.
Ask if they can stand somewhere like on a chair/table so you can see in their mouth. (Think this is just the change in routine that works).

Sometimes when they are yelling about teeth you can do it because their mouth is open and sometimes I still have to do the wrap in towel/headlock thing but not as often now.

Good luck!

Sherunswithwolves · 01/05/2021 22:39

Hi OP. My lovely dentist recommended that I sit my child on my lap with his right arm tucked under my left arm, him held close and secure, and then toothbrushing could begin gently. Could you get him used to being in this position with you, make it fun with games, and take as long as you need each time until the new habit is established? Commit inside yourself to not getting stressed by it as your child will pick up in your stress and react against it. We used to have stressors at bedtime and I sympathise.

SchrodingersMother · 01/05/2021 22:41

Oh I remember this stage! It's infuriating but it does pass

With my son I used to get him to choose an animal (cow)

Ok let's brush them like a cow, moo moo moo
Literally 5 seconds brushing, then choose another animal.

Do about ten animals or so. Then I did it like a tickle monster (quick tickle of the teeth with the brush then brush down and tickle tummy)

Sounds like a palava but it changed bruising from a battle to something positive

If he resists at first before he realises it's fun. Then maybe do the 'game' on a doll or Teddy first

riotlady · 01/05/2021 22:52

I think sometimes turning into a battle can make things worse. When DD starts really pushing against having her teeth brushed, I let her skip it rather than force it. I would rather she have positive/neutral associations with having her teeth brushed and skip a few brushings than get her teeth brushed a few extra times but have it be really distressing and put her off in the future.

Some things we’ve done that have helped when she fights it

  • flashing Peppa pig toothbrush
  • two toothbrushes so she can choose between them and feel like she’s in charge
-brushing teddy’s teeth
  • letting her brush our teeth
equuscaballus · 01/05/2021 22:55

When mine was 3 I told him if he didn't want his teeth brushed then that was fine - it was his choice.

But I told him all treats would stop, nothing sugary that would rot his teeth eg no fruit, cake, sweets or chocolate,
I always follow through on my threats so he believed me, I still use this same tactic occasionally four years later!

Oversize · 01/05/2021 22:58

If what you mean my 'losing your shit' is losing control of your temper and scaring him, then I really wouldn't continue with it for a little while until you can get on top of your behaviour. You'd need to be very strict it his diet. Cheese and or milk after meals or fruit no sugary stuff but it would be better to take the heat out of the situation for a month or so.
During that time, if you're feeling brave, make a game of him being the dentist and gently gently brushing yours with the softest toothbrush you can find. Show him on his hand how soft he has to be and let him practise on your hand first. Make it fun and all about you not him.

Smurf123 · 01/05/2021 23:05

We got the brush baby toothbrush for ds 3 which has helped and then I discovered i think it's called little big teeth toothpaste for 3-5 year olds and it is red blue and white striped toothpaste - ds excitedly declared that its "chase and Marshall toothpaste" 😂 for some reason that made him much happier to allow me to brush his teeth - may not also get the full 2 minutes but we certainly get them brushed better and for a longer period than before

Brigleylake · 01/05/2021 23:05

YABU to spell Lose as Loose.

QueenPaw · 01/05/2021 23:09

If you're not using one then try a not mint toothpaste. I struggled for years and didn't realise it wasn't normal for your mouth to burn when you clean your teeth Blush

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