To find this plan to be inappropriate

[indiakulfi]

I have lost five family members in the last 14 months, none of them died of COVID or because of the pandemic so I am quite distressed by the thought that there is a plan for a memorial in St. Paul's which excludes anybody who has not died from COVID. Are their deaths any less as a result.

I think it's not appropriate really, somebody I know compared it to a war memorial but I think it's nothing like that at all.

I think it's appropriate to have some act of memorial for this awful time. People died of other things during the war too, but that doesn't make it inappropriate to remember those whose deaths were directly related to the war.

It is odd, the way we commemorate some deaths and not others, but that's always been the way.

I find it inappropriate, but not for the reasons you state

@QueenOfPain

Thank you for that oh so eloquent contribution

I understand your feelings, but I can also see why it's important to have a memorial for those who died of Covid. The pandemic has been such an unusual and catastrophic event , that it's appropriate to remember it's victims like this.

I guess it's no different from having a memorial to the victims of an earthquake or a flood - other people who died that day would not be memorialised in the same way that the victims are.

This new memorial isn't only for the Covid victims, it's to remember the event itself . I wouldn't be taking offense because my own deceased family member isn't on it.

I see your point but don't agree. Your family members will have other memorials. This is a collective national memorial because of the terrible crisis we have had this year. I've lost two close family members, neither to covid, but I still think the memorial is important.

OP, why not create your own memorial for your 5 family members?

Lots of people have lost lost ones to covid, so it’s a memorial that everyone can relate to, of a terrible time that had an impact on many.

It’s terrible too that you have lost family members but that isn’t the same, while they were important to you they’re not a symbol of widespread or national group loss, which a national memorial is.

Hope you are going ok OP, to lose so many in a short time must be really hard. 💐

Some people may not have died of COVID, but because of COVID or may have died alone or with fewer family members by their side. All funerals have had limited attendance and wakes have been somewhat different. I think a memorial to those who died during the pandemic would be more appropriate than a memorial to those who died specifically of COVID.

sorry for your losses

No one is immortal - we don't have a memorial every year for everyone that has died.
The last year has been exceptional - I don't have a problem if there is a national memorial service for those that died of covid.
I can choose to watch/engage or not, the same as you can. as long as it's not 4/5 days suspension of all media broadcasts as it was for Prince Phillip, I still want to watch HIGNFY
You can also choose to watch the service and use the solemn moment to remember your relatives - up to you.

@Littleoakhorn I kind of agree with this too. Even if you haven't died of COVID every death has been touched by it in some way this year.

I think it's as much a remembrance of difficult times and coming through it.

Sorry for your losses.

When a dear family member died recently we planted 73 trees in his memory (one for each year). It was a really positive thing to do, and a memorial that will (hopefully) last for many years.

Could you consider doing something like this?

Sorry for your losses OP :( That must be so hard to lose 5 people in the space of just over a year. You must be really hurting and I'm not surprised you are struggling with these COVID memorials.

I think the whole nation is mourning at the moment around everything to do with COVID and all of the losses, so I don't think there is anything wrong with having a memorial for people who have died of this nasty disease, although I can see why it hurts. It doesn't lessen your family members in my opinion.

Is there something you can do separately especially for your family members perhaps?

I agree with you op.

We have suffered a non covid related bereavement this past year also, and the extra trauma attached to dealing with grief in the midst of so many restrictions i feel should be more acknowledged.

Supporting grieving family members while social distancing, picking who gets to go to a restricted funeral, no wake, and then particularly for my dp, the extra time to think about it all while on furlough, so no distractions to throw yourself into to help move on and process it all.

And for some reason people assuming that it was a covid death really bothers me. But that may just be me.

I like your idea, @Littleoakhorn.

There must be a lot of people who've died after having Covid, where Covid may have been a factor (including my DP). It would be nice if they could be included in the commemoration.

Seriously why do you care? This memorial is just a PR exercise. I say as having 3 people I know die of COVID.

Hi. I've lost relatives and friends during the lockdowns from Covid and other causes. I've not been able to attend funerals, which hurts a great deal and I've noticed a dismissive trend as though those who died from heart attacks or cancer were somehow "OK". I've not been to funerals and I am still stuck in my grief unable to move forward. If I want to talk about the ones who I have lost then I know I'll only get interest in those who were directly hit by the pandemic. My great aunt probably would have at least had the heart attack that killed her in hospital rather than home alone if her treatment hadn't been post poned. But as it's a heart attack and not covid it's like it's not awful enough for anyone.

OP there's memorials for all sorts of reasons.
Workers memorial Day for example. I've lost many people over the years but none were at work.
I still respect it though.
Sorry for your losses.
It's heartbreaking to lose those close to you no matter when or what.

Sorry for your loss OP but I think yabu.
People die everyday and via gravestones, benches, trees, plants we create our own memorials for them.
With Covid it has been a national event and everybody has been affected to a greater or lesser extent in the whole country. A memorial to Covid itself is marking history. Yes it's taking the opportunity to commemorate those who lost their lives to it (unnecessarily in so many instances if the government had acted quicker) but it's for everyone who was affected by it too and is marking history.

National outpourings after tragedies etc are always odd in my opinion , there are individual tragedies going on all day everyday and having just lost a parent pre covid I couldn't imagine dealing with that period of illness etc with the restrictions in place. I think a memorial should be to the impact of all people who suffered and those who worked in the face of fear at the scariest times -for some reason the bus drivers that died really resonated with me. Dont know any bus drivers, just feels like a humble job, facilitating others lives and then you die because of it. I do feel we perhaps should have an enquiry first though.

Depends. I know a lot of families have lost loved ones because of covid, even if covid wasn't the cause of death. Delayed treatments, lack of diagnosis, suicides etc. They have died because of a pandemic and their families probably feel they should be remembered too.

As the daughter of someone who died with covid not sure how I feel about an online screen in a £2.3m structure in a religious building hundreds of miles away from home. It doesn't sit right and my mum's picture will not be there. I imagine many people will feel the same.

We will have a personal memorial for her when this is all over, hopefully in the local country park as she loved nature and plants, maybe think about the same for your loved ones. Sorry for your losses.

I’ve lost 3 loved ones during the pandemic. None of the deaths were Covid related. In normal times I wouldn’t expect the country to have a memorial for them so wouldn’t expect them to be included in this.

My understanding from a news report is that it is for everyone who died, not just those with Covid.