To find this plan to be inappropriate

[indiakulfi]

I have lost five family members in the last 14 months, none of them died of COVID or because of the pandemic so I am quite distressed by the thought that there is a plan for a memorial in St. Paul's which excludes anybody who has not died from COVID. Are their deaths any less as a result.

I think it's not appropriate really, somebody I know compared it to a war memorial but I think it's nothing like that at all.

Do you object to things like the Aberfan, Bethnal Green and Hillsborough memorials? How about the plague crosses and stones that are still to be found around the country?

@Nith those situations are different though.

If I lost a loved one at the same time as aberfan, it would have no impact on my bereavement at all. So i would have sympathy for those lost in tragic circumstance, and vcould focus on my grief as a seperate event.

Non covid deaths are not wholy separate events though. Going through a bereavement is massively affected by the ongoing pandemic, in many many traumatic ways. A non covid deat and how that is processed, both in terms of legal procedures (delays on post mortems, funeral dates etc etcl and in terms of processing grief (social distancing, restricted funeral numbers etc etc) this shouldnt be dismissed as can have a massive and potentially long effects on a person dealing with the bereavement.

Some of the people who died from covid were bad people. No one will miss them. Always makes me laugh when politicians say "sadly died" -- because we know some of the deceased were utter bastards. Criminals, pedos etc. Just like rest of population can be.

Some of the people who died from covid were suffering badly from other health problems. It was a merciful release.

But that's not what the memorial is about, is it? It's about a shared cultural trauma when there were many premature deaths, not expected or brought no benefits. I can accept that as well as I accept anything about the pandemic.

@Nith those situations are different though.

Why are the plague memorials a different situation? Why is the Bethnal Green memorial different? You could argue that it was just as difficult for other people going through a funeral and dealing with a death in time of war.

Firstly I'm very sorry for your loss of numerous family members. That's a huge amount of bereavement in a story space of time

However the memorial is something totally separate. This is a huge historical event (or will be once it's over) and as with any event in history that's significant it's marked for future generations as well as for those who have experienced it.

I agree with you though that comparing it to a war memorial is wrong.

It's mass loss that's horrific but the circumstances are different.

I object to it being placed somewhere people have to pay (a good whack too) to get into.

OP we went through the same some years back- there was no pandemic then tho, so people weren’t focussing on one type of death over another.
You are grieving OP. Please get some bereavement counselling as you need it, and I feel that focussing on this memorial is detracting you from finding solace.

I understand what you mean. It’s the same when someone close to you dies and then someone famous dies the next day and you you have to deal with all the media tributes while it feels like the world has no interest in your loved one.

While I don’t think it’s inappropriate to do something to remember the lives lost to covid, it does seem hugely inappropriate for that not to include the countless people that died as a direct result of the pandemic and the lack of treatment they received because covid has been seen as the only thing that matters.

I understand how you feel, OP. I think you are being a bit unreasonable about the memorial but I get where you are coming from.
If you lose someone during this time, you are somehow made to feel that it doesn't really count because it isn't covid.
My dad has been slowly and unpleasantly dying all year, with his last portion of life and our ability to support him massively reduced by covid. But because he is "just" dying of something else, it's as though the support and empathy isn't there, with everyone and everything focused on covid. It's like there's no room for your grief in the national narrative.
I have found it really hard to deal with.

@Hopdathelf

I object to it being placed somewhere people have to pay (a good whack too) to get into.

Shocked if it will be £17 for each adult to get in for a 30 min slot to visit a memorial to a loved one, they have a special offer on just now kids go free!

Totally inappropriate to put it in a place which is run like a tourist attraction.

Sorry for anybody else who had had losses.
I care because I've not been able to properly grieve as they were all overseas due to emigration (theirs not mine) and so I couldn't go to any of the funerals or ash scattering. I'm stuck in limbo and it's hard.

What, they are charging people to go in? That's awful. Voluntary donations, fine, but an entry fee is not appropriate.

St Paul’s has charged for entry for donkeys. It’s more tourist attraction than working church now.

Your feelings are very understandable, especially because you haven't been able to follow all the usual grieving processes, which do serve a purpose in making us feel we have marked a death appropriately.

However I do think it is important to have specific memorials to stop us from just brushing off Covid and moving forward as if it never happened. It might seem unlikely that this could happen but in fact I can already see people who were not personally affected doing so.

I wouldn't say its inappropriate as such, I totally understand the importance of holding this particular memorial.
However, I often feel split when certain deaths or specific cases are publicly mourned and lots of us have dealt with trauma and don't get the same level of compassion from others.
So I see where you're coming from.
I'm so sorry for your losses

I can't believe it's not going to be in a public place and free - nuts
Your feelings are completely valid and understandable OP especially with the distance but I still don't think it makes a memorial inappropriate

Ah okay having now read that it's in a tourist attraction and you have to pay YA definitely NBU!!

@Neonprint

I'm sorry for your loss if you're not a troll

But you're taking the piss

Thanks for that supportive comment, so kind.

@QueenOfPain

How rude and offensive!!

I agree with you OP.

I lost my mum to Covid at the end of March last year, 7 months later Dad died of cancer. Why is mum's death the only one that is "worthy" of a memorial? I certainly won't be going especially when I am expected to pay for it.

Im sorry for your loss :(

I can sympathise with both points of view so not sure what to say except so sorry for your losses.

I think rather than a memorial, the money should be used for something practical and useful.

I do agree with you OP though from the standpoint that it feels like covid has been the be all and end all over the last 14 months. People have been denied health services and left to die of treatable illnesses, and the suicide rate has increased massively, but if it’s not covid then it doesn’t matter. The death rate that is indirectly related to covid will be far higher than the deaths caused by covid itself. Say that though and you’ll be called names.

I don’t know anyone who has died but I’d imagine they’re creating a memorial because many of those who died most likely wouldn’t have died over the past year had covid never existed.