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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell him no?

54 replies

guesswhatteapot · 30/04/2021 22:05

Left DH in 2016... divorce took longer than Brexit because he wouldn't agree on finances. Finally agreed to put the family home up for sale on March 31st 2020! Obviously that didn't happen and because of all the mayhem I let it slide for a year. The house is worth £260,000 ( he says) but he is adamant he won't sell and has offered me £100,000 to buy me out
AIBU to say no because I'd be losing out on £30,000? Court order split the house value 50/50 equally.

OP posts:
BigMamaFratelli · 30/04/2021 22:10

Tell him to bog off!! Cheeky fucker

ThetaSigma · 30/04/2021 22:11

YANBU

Notaroadrunner · 30/04/2021 22:11

Is there a mortgage to be paid off?

Hankunamatata · 30/04/2021 22:12

Force sale now. House prices are going up and the bubble can only last so long

BonnieDundee · 30/04/2021 22:12

Hell, no. Don't settle for less than half. Agree he's a CF.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 30/04/2021 22:12

Of course YANBU. In these situations people usually get independent valuations of the house, agree on a value, then if he wants to buy you out, he has to pay you half the value, not make a cheeky offer. People do this all the time - a friend has bought his ex out in this way. There's no reason at all why you should accept his offer. Get 3 valuations from estate agents and put the house on the market, and get your fair share.

Fespital · 30/04/2021 22:13

Now is definitely the time to sell and take half! Invest your £130k with a financial advisor and rent till prices crash.

worriedandannoyed · 30/04/2021 22:14

@Hankunamatata

Force sale now. House prices are going up and the bubble can only last so long
They're going up? Really? I thought it was really hard to get a mortgage at the moment
Original poster
guesswhatteapot · 30/04/2021 22:29

Mortgage was paid off last year which is why I agreed to wait. I actually moved out in 2016 with our 3 children and moved into a privately rented 2 bed with me sleeping on a bed settee in the living room because he refused to move out of the family home... 4 bed detached which he has always called'his' because I was just a SAHM and bought 'nothing to the table' as he described it.
Now his argument is that he can't sell the house because if he he is forced to move into a smaller house he won't be able to have the children at the weekends. I hate confrontation but am starting to feel that I have given him plenty of time to sort this but he's just on a mission to guilt trip me.

OP posts:
Embracelife · 30/04/2021 22:33

Speak to a lawyer
If legal fees will cost 30k
Then take the 100k now
You have to weigh up everything
Get proper valuation
Look at legal costs

Embracelife · 30/04/2021 22:33

Why are you taking his valuation

Cherrysoup · 30/04/2021 22:35

Are you still living in the house? Just get 3 valuations from agents. Then tell him to fuck off with his cheeky bastard offer.

Rainbowqueeen · 30/04/2021 22:38

3 valuations organised by you with reputable local agents. Agree to accept the middle one
Otherwise no dice

RandomMess · 30/04/2021 22:40

Somehow I think you will have to force sale through the courts.

Or perhaps just move back in, or perhaps you could apply for an occupation on the basis he is refusing to sell 🤔 unfortunately you probably can't which is a shame.

Rainbowqueeen · 30/04/2021 22:41

Also what about other assets eg savings and pensions
Say no full stop until that is resolved. If you haven’t worked and he has then you may he entitled to more than 50-50 of all assets.

You need to lawyer up

Freecuthbert · 30/04/2021 22:50

So he needs a 4 bedroom house to have children on the weekends but it's acceptable for you to live with the children in a 2 bed on a permanent basis? 30k less might seem okay to some people, but he'd be 60k up from you and gets to stay in the marital home. Totally unfair.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 30/04/2021 22:53

Fuck him. Tell him no.

Original poster
guesswhatteapot · 30/04/2021 23:11

I know I need to grow a pair... even my solicitor has told me I'm being too soft but he's always made me feel as though he did me and our children a massive favour by letting us live in 'his' house. I know that the estate agents he had the valuations from are personal friends. Is it possible he persuaded them to give a lower valuation?

OP posts:
beefest · 30/04/2021 23:29

Pull up your big girl pants and listen to your lawyer. You may not have 'brought much to the table' but would you have worked if you weren't at home looking after both of your children? You are entitled to half that house and you should absolutely go for it. You're living in your living room whilst he's in a 4 bedroom house on his own, think about it and get mad and get even! You're managing in a smaller house with your kids most nights of the week so why can't he when he has them over. I don't mean to be rude but it sounds like he knows how to manipulate you? Go and get what is rightfully yours!

Ineedaneasteregg · 30/04/2021 23:30

Get your own valuation done.
How the heck is it his house when you were raising your jointly produced dc in it?
Did you bill him for housekeeping and nanny services at the time?
What a pillock, listen to your lawyer.

If you are going to be funding your dc moving on then they need you to put up more of a fight for an equal share of the finances.
They will need this money for all sorts in the future.

HollowTalk · 30/04/2021 23:32

I bet his valuations are way too low but if they are I'd report those estate agents.

The thing is, he's really not your friend. Listen to your solicitor and toughen up. Put yourself first for a change.

Sycamoretrees · 30/04/2021 23:36

@guesswhatteapot

I know I need to grow a pair... even my solicitor has told me I'm being too soft but he's always made me feel as though he did me and our children a massive favour by letting us live in 'his' house. I know that the estate agents he had the valuations from are personal friends. Is it possible he persuaded them to give a lower valuation?
Possible? I'd say it was a very high probability! You definitely need your own valuations before you decide what you want to do.
Feedingthebirds1 · 30/04/2021 23:38

I know that the estate agents he had the valuations from are personal friends. Is it possible he persuaded them to give a lower valuation?

It's completely possible, verging on the extremely likely. Get your own estate agents to value it - even if he won't let them in they can give you a ballpark figure. Then take him to court for your half.

KickAssAngel · 30/04/2021 23:45

You can go on right move and see a comparison. He is walking all over you, and effectively trying to steal money from his own children. Stand up to him for them if nothing else. How dare he make them live in a tiny 2 bed and watch their mother sleep on a sofa when he has a four bed house to himself! The selfish, shitty bastard treating his own kids like that.

Unreasonabubble · 30/04/2021 23:48

Is it possible he persuaded them to give a lower valuation?

You need to ask? Confused

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