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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell him no?

54 replies

guesswhatteapot · 30/04/2021 22:05

Left DH in 2016... divorce took longer than Brexit because he wouldn't agree on finances. Finally agreed to put the family home up for sale on March 31st 2020! Obviously that didn't happen and because of all the mayhem I let it slide for a year. The house is worth £260,000 ( he says) but he is adamant he won't sell and has offered me £100,000 to buy me out
AIBU to say no because I'd be losing out on £30,000? Court order split the house value 50/50 equally.

OP posts:

jelly79 · 30/04/2021 23:57

What are house prices of comparable properties in the area? Have you looked what's for sale? Or on zoopla on what has sold?

BlueVelvetStars · 01/05/2021 02:53

Do not let him manipulate you like this OP.

Monty27 · 01/05/2021 03:02

OP get your own valuations.
My exdh disagreed with the valuations presented to court so they sent in a surveyor who valued it about 70k less.
I was buying him out so I laughed quietly to myself.
Just saying stand your ground.

SunIsComing · 01/05/2021 06:50

Tear him a new arsehole and don’t feel bad as he’s a selfish prick.

Theunamedcat · 01/05/2021 06:54

He can remortgage the property to give you your half if he wishes he doesn't "have to" move out

Allwokedup · 01/05/2021 07:22

Get your own valuation from an independent estate agent and go for half.

Original poster

guesswhatteapot · 01/05/2021 07:29

He does want to buy me out but he claims he can only remortgage £100,000. I also don't know what state the house is in since I left. He says it needs new windows and 2 new ceilings because of flooding from the main bathroom and the en-suite and he's not prepared to pay to get the repairs done because it would be wasted money 🙄 So even though similar properties on the street are up for sale at a higher price it's probably because they're in better condition?

OP posts:

TheSandgroper · 01/05/2021 07:33

Well, if he works and you have keys, go and look while he’s out. If you are on the deeds (which it seems you are) it is still your house.

Ambo21 · 01/05/2021 07:39

Listen to your solicitor.
No-one has done you any favours!
You need to get 3 INDEPENDENT valuations..take the average.. and do whatever it takes to get WHAT YOU ARE LEGALLY ENTITLED TO...

Then start on pensions and investments.. he is not going to GIVE you anything... he is going to do EVERYTHING to continue to screw you into the ground...

You have to put you and the kids first.. this is the rest of your life.. do NOT let him dictate to you .

HettySunshine · 01/05/2021 07:39

Get three valuations from different estate agents. This will give you a much better idea of the house's true value.

It's a seller's market at the moment. You might be surprised at how much it's worth.

ThankYouHunkyJesus · 01/05/2021 07:43

Get your own valuation done. What's the difference between the average of what the other houses in the street are up for sale for, and the amount he's offered? Might give you an idea of how much he's trying to screw you out of.

PoTheDog · 01/05/2021 07:43

Seriously OP he is playing you like a fiddle. So he has lived for free for a year in a house (no mortgage), while forcing you to rent and sleep on a sofa every night? And now wants you to accept less than half for a house that his mates valued? And now telling you that he is living in horrendous conditions so you will accept less? Stop being a doormat!

You need:

Google "street name, town" and "house prices" and click on rightmove house prices to see what similar properties are selling for atm.
Three independent estate agents valuations. Thus will also help you learn the condition of the house.
work out what you need to do to force the sale and do it.

Tbh, I'd have said that if the house in such bad condition, then it's not safe for the children to stay there, so it might as well go on the market now (while prices are high) so he can buy something safe. innocent face

Going for a look while he is our is also a good idea, just take a friend/brother etc, who will firstly take video of the property condition and also of your ex if he returns unexpectedly. Just tin case things escalate

PoTheDog · 01/05/2021 07:44

And yes, you need to fight for this for your children, even if you aren't prepared to fight for this for yourself

Tinkling · 01/05/2021 07:56

This makes me really angry. You have a court order OP. Bloody well enforce it! You are a joint owner of that house, get 3 agents round to value it and put it on the market yourself. If he refuses to leave then get the courts involved. If he wants to buy you out fine, but he has to pay market value.

Theunamedcat · 01/05/2021 08:11

Apply for enforcement and ask that he pays costs get your money out before he can wreck it further

SunnyJill · 01/05/2021 08:13

He's fucking you over.

Do not let him do this. No. No no. Repeat as much as you need to

Commonwasher · 01/05/2021 08:14

I know it’s hard — particularly if you hate confrontation — but you might just have to steel yourself and stand up to him. He sounds like a bully.

You are entitled to 50% and any court would laugh at him insisting he needs to live in a 4 bed house to look after his children at weekends while you (assuming primary carer) live with his children in a 2 bed flat.

You could phone 3 agents in the morning, request valuations and liaise with ExDH about their inspections. If he refuses then he forces the matter to court.
He will not want to go to court either...

Arrivederla · 01/05/2021 08:17

Why are you being so passive op?
Three valuations from estate agents that he has no personal connection with, and get it done asap.

Chloemol · 01/05/2021 08:21

Tell him no, it’s 50/50

Tell him you live in a 2 bed sleeping in the lounge as he refused to leave and you have majority care, so he can do the same

Fight for your kids and giving them a better life

letsgowiththat · 01/05/2021 08:33

I'm assuming the house is still in your names?
Have you got he keys?
Does he work at home or not?

If the answers to the above are yes, yes and no then you need to get yourself in there with estate agents and to have a proper look at the house and see if any of the damage he describes actually exists. Take pictures of everything so you have proof of any damage caused by him if he decides to be even more of a dick down the line and try and dig his heels in about the sale.

Get your valuations sorted and settle for the one in the middle.
Force his hand if you must. Don't be gullible op he's taking the absolute piss and you should be getting angry.
He has happily watched you and your children live in a tiny house sleeping on the sofa yet poor old him couldn't possibly move to a smaller, more affordable house, he's got standards you know.

Get angry and get sorted.

Alfiemoon1 · 01/05/2021 08:38

Get your own valuations he’s pulling a fast one

Hesma · 01/05/2021 08:43

Tell him to piss off and get an independent valuation done

An0n0n0n · 01/05/2021 08:57

Id counter offer that you want 50% plus half of the rent you have paid since the mortgage was paid off which he hasnt had to pay as he stayed in the family home.

An0n0n0n · 01/05/2021 09:07

I think you also need to start listening to your solicitor, who you are paying to advocate for you, rather than getting mixed up with what your stbxh thinks.

Original poster

guesswhatteapot · 01/05/2021 09:40

You're all right of course. I know he's playing me and trying to guilt trip me with his constant whining about how he'll never be able to retire if he has to get another mortgage and how the children won't be able to sleep over if he has to move into a smaller house, etc. First thing Tuesday I am phoning my choice of estate agents and getting a true valuation. Thanks, I think I just needed an outsiders viewpoint.

OP posts:

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